SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

NTV, I didn't realize that your interest was Fart Jokes. Not surprised

My SIL's dad and her uncle used to have ridiculous competitions. When his brother passed he desperately wanted to put a remote control farting machine in the casket at the church. His entire family was certain that their dad would actually do it. He didn't, but his kids and grandkids were so amped up by the idea, they laughed through the entire service.

I'm gonna put that in my will, I want a casket farting machine and a giraffe at my funeral.

This is the same man that made a flying machine out of a washing machine barrel (thingie), lawnmower engine and feather pillows. The wings actually moved. Hilarious.

So if I'm reading this right I'm supposed to fill in the blank with something that rhymes with dick but isn't actually dick without being a dick.

Is it prick?

Ya know, I actually spent a few minutes wondering what would be worse than Dick... Prick is good I guess. but I don't recall NTV threads being pricked! Lmao

I'm gonna put that in my will, I want a casket farting machine and a giraffe at my funeral.

I want to be cremated.

Thus....Fireworks and popcorn hidden in my clothes would be a funny send off.

Yeah you really might spit fire then, Dragonheart!

I knew you reminded me of that little "Firestarter " in that gif I put on here!

You really do want to go out with a bang in a blaze of glory don't you?

[This message edited by Cephastion at 5:27 PM, March 26th (Tuesday)]

I want a casket farting machine

This. Is. My. New. Life. Goal.

[This message edited by Notthevictem at 5:33 PM, March 26th (Tuesday)]

Death goal, you mean!

I think you better put that one on your after party (or "tailgate" party) bucket list, NTV!

Man... is this thread dead, or what?

*cricket cricket*

No, but give it time.

What does rhyme with dick that NTV tells jokes about, aside from farts? I wanna know the answer to that one. Flick, slick, prick, pick, brick, kick, trick, wick... I am mystified, I thought it was only farts!

Does anyone else think Patrick from Spongebob might be kind of a jerkass?

OK, OK, awkward question, because there's no better place to ask an awkward question than on a thread whose sole purpose is to die... Who here admits to partaking in schadenfreude? And what are your guiltiest pleasures?

Heh, either this'll liven up this thread, or else it'll kill it dead! I know which one I'm hoping for...

Heya Silver! Welcome back-ish and welcome to the most random thread ever. You, however, are not a thread killer, so don't even even....

Hi Chili! You're right, maybe I'm not a thread killer... but I think I'm a dead thread writer. I write threads that usually don't get many replies. Which is fine, maybe my topics are just out of sync. Or it could be that I don't write blatant controversy bait threads!

Anyway, how are you?

Schadenfreude-hunting is probably the greatest gift WW has given me from her A.

Ah yes - we referenced the topic non-starter ability earlier here. I'm also quite good at that one. A couple of people are also good at running posters off of SI all together. We're a talented bunch!

You never know what random thought will get traction - note the competition all gathered here to be proven the ultimate killer of the thread killer thread.

(I'm good btw. That life thing gets in the way of popping into SI as often as I'd like though.)

[This message edited by Chili at 10:05 PM, March 26th (Tuesday)]

(I'm good btw. That life thing gets in the way of popping into SI as often as I'd like though.)

Chili don't ever put that on your resume to apply for a wayward position because it would automatically disqualify you.

Anybody that would prefer real life and real responsibilities along with its ups and downs... As contrasted against a bunch of fart bubble unicorn giraffe loving online virtual friends that you can control your amount of commitment and interaction with as well as your own stunning anonymous online fully customizable profile and image and persona...

You just wouldn't be right for the job.

But then again, maybe you just pop in here on SI because it's more real than most people are in "real life" in some ways...

_________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___

I'm warming up to going ahead and sharing another one of my stories but I just I've had my own real-life struggles lately. I have to admit that a couple of threads I've been on recently certainly DIDN'T help. It feels like more than half of the world is saying that nobody has to care about anybody else but themselves and everybody can just go to hell if they don't like it being that way.

I'm beginning to feel like what Dragonheart was saying on another thread about the state of mind and heart that this world has gotten into as a whole. I hope it's just a very "bad moon" little phase that either me & my "road-killered" glasses (no longer rose-colored) or else the rest of the world is going through.

Hopefully looking up that strange word that Silver introduced me to on this thread will lighten things up a bit.

[This message edited by Cephastion at 5:23 AM, March 27th (Wednesday)]

Schadenfreude - guilty. It is Too early for my brain to fire. But there is that stupidest way to die thing. It’s not a competition but there is this formal list.

One guy strapped an airplane jet engine, oh my God I’m laughing. An airplane engine to the top of his car somehow he had rigged it to go. He was in the desert on a long straight piece of highway and decided to activate this engine. It went so fast, and he drove so far that he crashed into a rock formation and killed him self.

Another guy and I think this is on YouTube, tied weather balloons to his lounge chair which was weighted down at first. He had a gun and a case of beer and snacks. He released the weights, and shot into the air like thousands of feet. I don’t think he thought this through. His original plan was to shoot out the balloons and then float back down.. Ha ha ha. I’m laughing oh my gosh. Anyways he went up like 3000 feet or more. I probably have some of the facts wrong but this is my point, he went up and had to be rescued. So seriously, that’s pretty stupid. His original.idea of shooting out the balloons so he could land I guess didn’t work out. So funny

Do I laugh at people’s misfortune. In these cases absolutely. It’s too funny not to

THAT was so POETICALLY BAD and ironic...

It feels like more than half of the world is saying that nobody has to care about anybody else but themselves and everybody can just go to hell if they don't like it being that way.

I'm beginning to feel like what Dragonheart was saying on another thread about the state of mind and heart that this world has gotten into as a whole. I hope it's just a very "bad moon" little phase that either me & my "road-killered" glasses (no longer rose-colored) or else the rest of the world is going through.

Hopefully looking up that strange word that Silver introduced me to on this thread will lighten things up a bit.

I actually didn't know what the word meant...

And the sad sad parody-like irony of how totally hope dashing that word and its actual definition was in contrast to what I was saying on here just a moment before looking it up...

It's SOOOO ironically BAD...

That I think they just put my face in the Wikipedia or dictionary thumbnail to show an example of the word in action.

I feel like Charlie Brown right now.

Except that it's so bad I'm actually laughing because I actually kind of helped y'all experience the definition in the process of declaring my ignorance and then looking it up!

So I hope everyone else is laughing at how messed up that is because actually I am too!

I have a TERRIBLE weakness in my funny bone for that kind of thing myself to be perfectly honest...

SO THANK YOU SILVER, and thank you Cephastion for helping to make this fail award happen! I needed a good laugh even if it was at MYSELF and setting myself up for such a Charlie Brown Lucy football experience!

I might be just cheered up enough to able to just go ahead continue on with one of those stories now, especially since Madame Chair has given her blessing for it to commence.

[This message edited by Cephastion at 5:30 AM, March 27th (Wednesday)]

I wasn't sure if I should tell the conversion story or the chain gang story next but in honor of that new word schadenfreude I will definitely proceed with the chain gang story.

...which reminds me by the way that one of my wife and children's favorite game app on her phone is a rather macabre cartoonish one called "Dumb Ways to Die"! Interestingly enough I think it was originally conceptualized as a way of basically having a kind of public service announcement by the train company for teaching children about SAFETY!

I think I'll post this particular one for all of us SI club members here...

[This message edited by Cephastion at 5:46 AM, March 27th (Wednesday)]

Flick, slick, prick, pick, brick, kick, trick, wick...

To he fair, that list is much bigger than mine was. I literally went mentally through all the synonyms I have for farts followed by dick followed by poo followed by toilet paper and was left with one word. I didn't even consider that there were other jokes possible...

I have been reading every post off and on and can't believe NTV didn't drag us completely into _____(rhymes with dick) and fart jokes.-Madame Chair/Chili

The only one I could come up with was his "schtick" and fart jokes...

schtick (noun)

a gimmick, comic routine, style of performance, etc. associated with a particular person.

"there are many great comics who have based their stand-up shtick on observational comedy" · [more]

synonyms:

act · performance · number · turn · piece ·  line · shtick · spiel · patter

a person's special talent, interest, or area of activity.

"movies about ordinary women who do extraordinary things—that's my shtick"

[This message edited by Cephastion at 5:58 AM, March 27th (Wednesday)]