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I Can Relate :
Betrayed Menz Thread-Part 33

Topic is Sleeping.
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SaddestDad ( member #69800) posted at 8:58 PM on Thursday, February 28th, 2019

Silly question... what exactly is the purpose of this thread? Not really understanding, just meandering and exploring the vastness of the SI forum.

Life is a wheel. Sooner or later everything you'd left behind comes around again. For good or ill, it comes around again.

For what profit is to a man if he gains the world but loses his own soul?

BH 32
WW 34 Change4thebetter

Working hard

posts: 592   ·   registered: Feb. 17th, 2019   ·   location: NY
id 8337329
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Cephastion ( member #51990) posted at 11:31 PM on Thursday, February 28th, 2019

Silly question... what exactly is the purpose of this thread? Not really understanding, just meandering and exploring the vastness of the SI forum.

This thread is a betrayed-husbands (aka "Menz") only support thread and carries more of a man-cave or fireside mentality and feel with less formality and mere information exchange and more camraderie and support without undue interference input or otherwise allowed from the other side (women, that is).

That's MY take on it at least. It's been relatively quiet on here for a while lately but don't let that slow you down any. I think that actually the lack of a specifically stated "purpose" is kinda the point and purpose of this thread other than the parameters I just mentioned.

I can explain a little more but for now I'be got supper waiting on me at the table...

Dig in and post away SaddestDad.

BH-me / WW-(Pyrite)
Left Thanksgiving 2019 w/ unresolved childhood trauma and other general selfishness issues that she refuses to honestly address, resolve,& heal from.--"For where your wealth/treasure is, there will your heart be also."--Yeshua

posts: 2323   ·   registered: Feb. 25th, 2016
id 8337436
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steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 1:09 AM on Friday, March 1st, 2019

Stolenyears, I walked my youngest daughter up a winding staircase to her wedding ceremony after DDay, before daughters knew and before separation. Very bitter sweet.

ETA: I actually used to really like weddings.

[This message edited by steadychevy at 7:59 PM, February 28th (Thursday)]

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
DDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4662   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 8337502
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SaddestDad ( member #69800) posted at 8:56 PM on Friday, March 1st, 2019

This thread is a betrayed-husbands (aka "Menz") only support thread and carries more of a man-cave or fireside mentality and feel with less formality and mere information exchange and more camraderie and support without undue interference input or otherwise allowed from the other side (women, that is).

Sounds good to me. Nice to have a bro-space. To any and all reading, feel free to check out my main thread in JFO. I don't want to go through the frustrations of rewriting my story again, especially as I'm still going through it.

Tomorrow, I plan to have 3 double shots of Glenmorangue Quinta Ruban.

I unplug from Friday sundown till Saturday sundown, but I'll try to make it a point to update myself daily over here.

Trying to keep strong. Keeping strong is pretty fuckin' hard when I'm still in the shitter.

Life is a wheel. Sooner or later everything you'd left behind comes around again. For good or ill, it comes around again.

For what profit is to a man if he gains the world but loses his own soul?

BH 32
WW 34 Change4thebetter

Working hard

posts: 592   ·   registered: Feb. 17th, 2019   ·   location: NY
id 8337998
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nofeelings ( member #31694) posted at 9:40 PM on Friday, March 1st, 2019

SaddestDad,

Sorry this happened to you. Hold on tight - this is gonna suck for long time. I wanted to R like you do now, so I went with it - and my WW looked like she will put work into rebuilding our M. Until it all went back to "normal" after a year or so. 8 years later its obvious it will never be over - her EAs that will eventually turn into PAs, blaming someone else for problems that she did not want to address and the rest of the typical WW BS.Fear of unknown is mind killer, but think about it many many times - is unknown so much worse than living the rest of your life looking over your shoulder? Because that what I did for last 8 years, and its no way to live. Its better to live in the van down by the river than with someone you can't trust anymore. One final advice - dont trust yourself today, or even 6 month later - you are not in your right mind and you need a lot of time and work with IC and by yourself to get out of this mess.

ME BH - 40
Her WW -40
Three teenage kids
D Day 3/16/11
DDay2 -now and forever - death of thousand small cuts
Heading to D

posts: 146   ·   registered: Mar. 30th, 2011
id 8338027
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Cephastion ( member #51990) posted at 4:59 PM on Saturday, March 2nd, 2019

but think about it many many times - is unknown so much worse than living the rest of your life looking over your shoulder? Because that what I did for last 8 years, and its no way to live. Its better to live in the van down by the river than with someone you can't trust anymore.

My fWW has been faithful for the last 23 years out of the 26 we've been married. I haven't had this problem for the most part since about this time of year in 1996.

But I have to admit that it is better to live with lonliness that is known than with paralyzing or crippling fear along with unknowns and inability to protect yourself emotionally.

BH-me / WW-(Pyrite)
Left Thanksgiving 2019 w/ unresolved childhood trauma and other general selfishness issues that she refuses to honestly address, resolve,& heal from.--"For where your wealth/treasure is, there will your heart be also."--Yeshua

posts: 2323   ·   registered: Feb. 25th, 2016
id 8338338
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Notthevictem ( member #44389) posted at 9:19 PM on Saturday, March 2nd, 2019

This thread is a betrayed-husbands (aka "Menz") only support thread and carries more of a man-cave or fireside mentality and feel with less formality and mere information exchange and more camraderie and support without undue interference input or otherwise allowed from the other side (women, that is).

Ya forgot about the smell...

BH: Me 37
WW: Her 41
DDAY Mar 2014

posts: 13360   ·   registered: Aug. 5th, 2014   ·   location: Florida
id 8338419
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Cephastion ( member #51990) posted at 10:41 PM on Saturday, March 2nd, 2019

Ya forgot about the smell...--NTV

Dude! What the cuss do you think we keep that fire always going for? Even in summer, man!

carries more of a man-cave or fireside mentality and feel

Which is why I'm always sitting right near it anytime you're around!

[This message edited by Cephastion at 4:44 PM, March 2nd (Saturday)]

BH-me / WW-(Pyrite)
Left Thanksgiving 2019 w/ unresolved childhood trauma and other general selfishness issues that she refuses to honestly address, resolve,& heal from.--"For where your wealth/treasure is, there will your heart be also."--Yeshua

posts: 2323   ·   registered: Feb. 25th, 2016
id 8338436
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Notthevictem ( member #44389) posted at 12:24 PM on Monday, March 4th, 2019

Well, it's Monday. Wish I could get paid to do whatever the hell I wanted.

BH: Me 37
WW: Her 41
DDAY Mar 2014

posts: 13360   ·   registered: Aug. 5th, 2014   ·   location: Florida
id 8338981
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Jduff ( member #41988) posted at 3:03 PM on Monday, March 4th, 2019

You actually could. It just may not be in the currency you expect....like peanuts.

The grass is always greener.... where the dogs are shitting.

-Soundgarden

posts: 2432   ·   registered: Jan. 9th, 2014   ·   location: Southwest
id 8339041
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WornDown ( member #37977) posted at 5:21 PM on Monday, March 4th, 2019

Trying to keep strong. Keeping strong is pretty fuckin' hard when I'm still in the shitter.

Welcome to the clubhouse SaddestDad.

Yeah, it's hard to stay strong, but there's really no alternative - just keep putting one foot in front of the other (see my sig about keep going).

I found/have found the Menz Only dept very helpful at times. There have been times and situations that I just did not get the support I NEEDED from the general forums (JFO, Divorce/Separation, New Beginnings) just because the women just did not understand what I was going through as a man.

It's a bit hard to explain without sounding sexist, but I think every guy has run into that. Maybe a little less so these days as there are more men on SI in general than a decade ago, but still.

We're here, and we get it. Welcome aboard.

(Btw - newbies bring beer, but that whisky is fine...)

[This message edited by WornDown at 11:23 AM, March 4th (Monday)]

Me: BH (49)exW (49): Way too many guys to countThree kids (D22, D21, S18)Together 25 years, married 18Divorced (July 2015)

I divorced a narc. Separate everything. NC as much as humanly possible and absolutely no phone calls. - Ch

posts: 3351   ·   registered: Jan. 2nd, 2013   ·   location: Around the Block a few times
id 8339109
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Notthevictem ( member #44389) posted at 6:05 PM on Monday, March 4th, 2019

Yeah, I guess I don't normally expect peanuts unless I'm on a plane or something.

BH: Me 37
WW: Her 41
DDAY Mar 2014

posts: 13360   ·   registered: Aug. 5th, 2014   ·   location: Florida
id 8339140
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Ripped62 ( member #60667) posted at 6:30 PM on Monday, March 4th, 2019

SaddestDad,

I do not post in this forum often. I see you are a scotch drinker. I think Sisoon enjoys scotch as well.

Please remember to not allow the alcohol to bleed over into the pain and subsequent action. Take care of yourself. When early on logic and reason were not part of my repertoire.

I think they (logic and reason) still at times are not part of it.

posts: 3174   ·   registered: Sep. 17th, 2017   ·   location: United States of America
id 8339155
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nofeelings ( member #31694) posted at 3:46 PM on Tuesday, March 5th, 2019

I was looking at kirklands speyside 20 year old single malt scotch, but caved in and bought japanese suntori whiskey instead. I regret it now - should have went with scotch.

ME BH - 40
Her WW -40
Three teenage kids
D Day 3/16/11
DDay2 -now and forever - death of thousand small cuts
Heading to D

posts: 146   ·   registered: Mar. 30th, 2011
id 8339650
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SaddestDad ( member #69800) posted at 5:43 PM on Wednesday, March 6th, 2019

Thanks guys, I appreciate it.

Single malt scotch is definitely my go-to for enjoying. For getting trashed, I go for Knob Creek 120 proof (in a heavyweight, always was).

That said, KIRKLAND Scotch??

That is some S&M shit right there

I'm not really letting myself self medicate. It's odd though, on Monday evening, I smoked weed for the first time in years. Only 1 hit but got me wrecked for hours. I bring this up only because I was actually able to finally calm my nerves & my stomach has been feeling better ever since! I have IBS... I'm REALLY hoping that weed is not the "cure" I've been looking for.

Sex lasted for about 2 HOURS of some of the best sex I've ever had after we smoked though... (her first time trying).

I know clouding my mind now is the dumbest shit I could do but if I'm finally sleeping, eating & banging, is that really so bad?

Life is a wheel. Sooner or later everything you'd left behind comes around again. For good or ill, it comes around again.

For what profit is to a man if he gains the world but loses his own soul?

BH 32
WW 34 Change4thebetter

Working hard

posts: 592   ·   registered: Feb. 17th, 2019   ·   location: NY
id 8340211
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tbkjcn ( member #44744) posted at 3:27 PM on Thursday, March 7th, 2019

OK, so I'm not a beer snob, I enjoy a beer from time to time. I'm not a whiskey snob, I enjoy a mixed drink from time to time (usually on vacation). But a couple of friends have decided that our spring "adventure" to celebrate getting the convertibles out of winter storage is going to be a 4-day trip to Kentucky next month to tour a bunch of distilleries. I'm a bit torn as I'm not into whiskey as much as the one guy is, but I could see it as an interesting get away. Usually our trips are either driving-related or photography-related and a little bit more "local," and I'm not sure how much of either would be involved. It'll be interstate all the way down and back and not a lot of places for top-down cruising down twisty roads (having the top down at 80mph for 5 hours or so on the interstate isn't a whole lot of fun most of the time ). Plus the cost. They've chosen a slightly expensive hotel for four days and while its not going to break my bank, I've definitely been trying to keep expenses under control lately, but total cost should be under a grand.

So.... since there seems to be so much expertise here of late regarding distilled spirits, what do you all think? Should I go and get away from work for a few days? Would it be interesting for someone who doesn't live and die by what bottles are on my shelf?

Me: BH 49 (then)
Her: WW 48 (then)
D-Day 8-30-14 3 yr LTA and 1 ONS (9-1-14 the rest of the story, she can't remember how many men)
Divorce filed 1/14/15, final 4/7/15
Married 23 years together 28

posts: 662   ·   registered: Sep. 3rd, 2014   ·   location: IL
id 8340743
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nofeelings ( member #31694) posted at 6:24 PM on Thursday, March 7th, 2019

I like beer, bourbon, scotch, tequila even wine. But as far as tasting - hard liquor after first drink all kind of taste the same - I dont really taste much difference between different kinds of whiskeys for example. Now, for me its not about drinks - its about company, so I would pretty much go on any kind of trip and make it fun.But if there was a choice, I most probably would get a cabin in Smokey Mountains, go on some trails and have a beer or two in the evening with good company.

Kirkland is just rebranded stuff with lower price - scotch is rumored to be Macallan, and $60 for 20 year Macallan scotch is a steal.

ME BH - 40
Her WW -40
Three teenage kids
D Day 3/16/11
DDay2 -now and forever - death of thousand small cuts
Heading to D

posts: 146   ·   registered: Mar. 30th, 2011
id 8340858
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Notthevictem ( member #44389) posted at 8:49 PM on Thursday, March 7th, 2019

Me personally, I'd be looking for somewhere with a lazy river. There's probably tubing places close by where you're going and a few hours floating down a river is one of the best escapes I've ever experienced.

BH: Me 37
WW: Her 41
DDAY Mar 2014

posts: 13360   ·   registered: Aug. 5th, 2014   ·   location: Florida
id 8340946
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SaddestDad ( member #69800) posted at 4:44 PM on Tuesday, March 12th, 2019

after first drink all kind of taste the same - I dont really taste much difference between different kinds of whiskeys

I've got a VERY strong sense of taste and smell so I do taste all the different nuances. I'm not a booze-snob but I can't drink the cheaper stuff. Wish I could - I'd be rich! Lol

...lazy river.

Is it literally a river that doesn't have rapids?

Life is a wheel. Sooner or later everything you'd left behind comes around again. For good or ill, it comes around again.

For what profit is to a man if he gains the world but loses his own soul?

BH 32
WW 34 Change4thebetter

Working hard

posts: 592   ·   registered: Feb. 17th, 2019   ·   location: NY
id 8343112
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sisoon ( Guide #31240) posted at 11:52 PM on Tuesday, March 12th, 2019

One of the most satisfying bottles I've ever tasted was something sold as Scotch ... on the bottle it said, in large letters, 'Product of Scotland,' and in very, very small letters, it said 'Product of Okinawa.' No lie.

Marlon Brando was alive at the time, but he was 1000s of miles away. Same for the cast of Mr Roberts.

Just about everyone who tasted it said it seemed like a single-malt. We all laughed when we got a good look at the bottle.

1971, not all that far from a hot war....

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 26040   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8343414
Topic is Sleeping.
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