SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

For me, some of what I call "pleasure" is likely rather different than what most would perhaps think of it as being.

Being at peace inside myself is great pleasure to me. And for me that largely means being at peace with Christ and my own conscience. When I have been at that place in my soul, there are SO MANY added benefits and "pleasures" that it's really hard to define and list them all very simply or easily.

But having my prayers really heard and answered certainly seems to be one of the side benefits of that happy condition, and as far as sex goes, I'm enjoying more of that in the last three years than pretty much anybody I know of other than some newsworthy folks on Jerry Springer or Addicts R Us or something like that.

I don't mind pain itself so much, but the pain of betrayal... Unfaithfulness... The absolute Injustice and one-sidedness of reaping evil from the one(s) I've loved and trusted for all the good and love that i have sown and invested and sacrificed into their lives...

That's the pain I cannot get easily past, I guess.

Hi guys - it's been awhile. Sure is quite. I guess it's a good sign not much happening here.

I'm in a "just don't give a shit" mood lately - thought it was a bit of a holiday hangover and not looking forward to the next few months at work. For some reason I googled "give a shit" - not sure if I was looking for something funny or some motivation. Anyway I cam across "10 ways to give a shit". #10 was "direct connections" - socializing and friends (or lack of it). I know that's an issue since after the holidays I work too much, but it usually is not a cause of this for me but it's a good reminder that it is a good way to help get out of it. Just signed up to spend a couple days with some Dad's and their sons in the mountains. That should help.

#5 on the list is forgiveness.

A lot of the "I don't give a shit" mentality comes from people who have had their heart, spirit, and soul scarred by people who did not care for them either at all or properly. This then transcended to a whole lot of internalized anger and projection onto others. Forgiveness is a gift to yourself, and is more freeing of your own self than you could ever imagine. Forgiveness of others allows you to accept and move on, giving yourself and others the opportunity to grow and continue on with their lives.

I've tried, and by many definitions I have forgiven myself and my wife. I don't think I'll ever believe it's ok, that it happened for a reason or any of the other stuff I view as horse shit. I have no need for revenge or justice (like that's even possible). I don't have any need to forgive the AP, but at the same time I don't have any need for revenge or justice there - just meh.

But reading it helped me make some connections.

What I do still have is pain. Not often, and usually not deep. But (there is always a but) we watched a really funny show and it looks like it will be worth watching, but episode 1 the asshole husband (and he was portrayed as an ok guy but not a great husband) is having an affair and leaves her, and she is a supportive, loving, fun and hot looking wife. Usually this stuff does not bother me too much. I liked how they portrayed it and showed the reactions she had to deal with. But when it was first revealed I had a hard trigger - something I have not experienced in some time. And then I was "fine", but it turns out more like when a wife says she is "fine" but is not. It's only taken five days and me reading an article that did not say anything I didn't already know to realize this trigger is what's been bothering me. It's the pain involved in remembering (at least my side of the story, which I believe is 98% accurate LOL) of how supportive I was of my wife as she was trying to figure out what to do with her life, all at a time she was boning the asshole AP. Like the show I watched (except for the hot part - I'm a lot of things but not "hot" and by conventional definitions neither is my wife).

It's not like my wife had a love affair either like this guy in the show. The secrateary "gets him". My wifes AP got some, but there was never any "gets me" intamacy. There really are not many similarities, just that the betrayed was a damn good partner. My wife's affair was an occasional booty call, sometimes a couple times a month, sometimes not for a few months. Mainly an ego hit because this guy was a bit of a player. He went after hot chicks, so by association it made her one - fucked up thinking and only a part of the picture.

A big part of my pain centers around when she did this as well - in are early years getting a foundation as a couple, and then again when we were trying to work out the pain she had brought to our M. I know I have not really processed all the pain around these two issue though - I was fucking great and she was fucking him.

Glad to be at this point in the journey. I have not felt the desire to kill anyone, divorce, or even live like a hermit. I have had a bigger desire for good whisky but have kept that to a minimum. Just not giving a shit is not a bad short term reaction - which will be easier to fix now that I think I know why. Time with friends, some good whisky and some time sorting out the thoughts and feelings - that should do the trick I suppose.

Thanks for "listening" to the ramblings

::squints:: is that.... is it really foundoutlater? ::gasp:: ...can't be.... and he even has achieved the 'meh'?!?! Who is this guy!

Hi NTV. Yeah the more “meh” in my life has been good. i’m Not around much but do fly by to read the occasional fart joke, beer or whiskey recommendations, the prose of WAL and the wisdom and the bull. Sounds like your doing well.

Friday gents. Is it 5 o clock yet ?

My plan today: 1. Leave work (duh) 2. Go home. 3. Go to the Gym (50-50). 4. Pick up grocery delivery (new favorite thing). 5. Pick up DD from Bball required). 6. Go home. 7. Drink (also required).

Then I wake up tomorrow and draft a new plan. What is yours ?

My plan and my reality did not meet eye to eye yesterday. But that's not all bad either.

I was planning on doing errands and getting some repairs done around the house.

But instead of doing that stuff, my wife called in to stay home from work yesterday and just wanted to stay in bed with me all day and try to remind me of our very early married days together.

Meanwhile, the kids made deer steak and seasoned potatoes and salad for us all after we came down to pretend that we were good parents for awhile.

Win win.

[This message edited by Cephastion at 8:45 AM, February 9th (Saturday)]

Mu plan? Continue recovering from cold. My nose is still stuffed, and I hate that.

Also, there are a number of classic, critically acclaimed movies on Turner Classic Movies. I want to choose a couple an watch them. Rashomon, 400 Blows, Bicycle Thieves....

This would be a big change, since I usually can't/won't make a choice.

Have I ever mentioned that winter sucks? It can't be over soon enough for me. A couple weeks ago, just before the infamous polar vortex struck, we had a nice day of rain on top of our foot of snow, followed by dropping temperatures that night. Ice everywhere. Went to take the dog out that night and all the rain and melted show had been dripping off the awning onto the porch. One step out the back door and the next thing I know I'm flat on my back on the steps. After a Saturday trip to the urgent care three days later and I'm told the x-rays say I broke three ribs. They don't do anything for broken ribs. The urgent care gave me a couple days worth of tramadol and said to talk to my Dr about more.

Couldn't get in to see a doctor Monday, got a NP instead. Who declined to prescribe any more painkillers. "We don't prescribe painkillers just because you came in and asked for them. Take some tylenol and you'll be fine in a month or so."

Did I ever mention that I hate winter. Or getting old. I don't know which. Maybe both. I am going to try shouting at cars that drive too fast down my street and see how it feels.

critically acclaimed movies on Turner Classic Movies. I want to choose a couple an watch them.

My plans for the weekend were to go see Dad. Haven't been to see him for like 6 weeks, because we haven't had a decent weekend it seems, including this weekend. So, I ended up on the couch in front of the TV, but I have to admit it wasn't classic movies. I've kinda become hooked on a couple German TV shows lately. One's kind of soap opera-y, but since we're all anonymous here, you all can't find me to punch my man card, and I've kinda gotten into it. The other is a "Krimi" -- a police show, but with kind of a sense of humor... I ended up binging out on them most of the weekend while it snowed and really didn't get anything done.

After a Saturday trip to the urgent care three days later and I'm told the x-rays say I broke three ribs. They don't do anything for broken ribs. The urgent care gave me a couple days worth of tramadol and said to talk to my Dr about more.

So - this happened to me at 26. Wasn't three ribs - it was both arm bones below the elbow and the one above just for good measure. Same idea - icy steps. Not only did I not get painkillers - they didn't put anything in a frigging cast.

The worst part of all that is that you have to watch your arm turn 72 shades of technicolor while pretending it doesn't hurt 'that much' to everyone around you. Hurt like a MoFo.

Wine and bourbon are both OTC medications as far as I'm concerned.

I am sorry to hear about you breaking your ribs tbkjcn. No funny stuff as laughter may hurt.

I bet if the NP had broken ribs (s)he would have pain killers.

Wishing you the best as you mend.

(Coughing is another normal activity that may cause excruciating pain.)

it was both arm bones below the elbow and the one above

Man, at least broken ribs really aren't "broken" usually, just "cracked". I can't imagine they wouldn't put a cast on that.... Man....

Wine and bourbon are both OTC medications

What I didn't tell the NP was that I had a small stash of leftover tramadol from previous prescriptions. I just didn't want to use it up. But it got me through the first ten days or so when it hurt to move or breath. Had to make sure I had the timing right so I wasn't driving to or from work on icy roads while stoned.

Coughing is another normal activity that may cause excruciating pain.

Oh yeah, it hurt. And I was told how important it was to "cough in spite of the pain." Yeah.... But it doesn't compare to sneezing.... Nope. I did that about a week after. You know those sneezes that give no warning? The ones that are usually massive? Not talking about those little mouse sneezes, but the full-blown "let me get you a towel" type. Happened during the weekly managers meeting and I instinctively turned away from the table so as not to sneeze all over my boss. Mistake. Being half turned in my chair and letting loose I think actually hurt more that actually falling on the stairs.

But I am well past that, and can actually sleep on that side now with only a little discomfort. Which is good, because thats the only side I can sleep on, the other just doesn't work.

I still find myself avoiding anything that looks icy or even a little slippery. Sucks getting old.

[This message edited by tbkjcn at 10:01 AM, February 18th (Monday)]

Back here again - did not broke any bones though.

I still remember how much it hurt when I broke my hand as a kid - that was like 100 years ago :)

Well, I am heading for D finally - cant keep this humpty dumpty together anymore. I wish I can claim it was all for kids - but its that drug Hopium -is addictive as hell. It will get better, it will get better, it will ...

Yikes! I'm glad you're recovering, tbkjcn.

My premature daughter came home from the NICU on the 18th after two months (to the day of her birth) stay. Her mother and I are exhausted. I had to get up with her last night because my wife was going on day three without sleep. So I was a walking zombie today, my wife is a walking zombie today. And we are just grumpy, and getting under each other skin. She finally got the baby to sleep, our middle daughter watching some television and instead of sleeping, she wanted some fun, against doctor's advice (another 2 weeks) but I obliged. Anyway, tonight I hope we both get more sleep.

Regarding broken ribs - yes, they hurt.

But it's been my experience that sneezing with a broken-and-packed nose trumps the ribs.

And NOTHING beats an unreasonably-sized kidney stone.

Happy Friday gents!

Sorry bout the broken bones man, that sucks.

Posted: 5:35 AM, February 28th (Thursday), 2019

Happy Friday gents

NTV, is this your version of a "blind date"... Or are you vacationing near the international date line?

Or are you using a calendar from another year?

Or did you just blow a hole thru time & space and look back from the future at the rest of us back here on Thursday to see if we could smell it from here?

[This message edited by Cephastion at 6:19 AM, February 28th (Thursday)]

No, I happen to have this friday off, so thur is my fri. First day off in a long time. Happiness abounds.

I'm off Friday too...my daughter is getting married this weekend. I have been through all kinds of emotion since they got engaged 1.5 years ago. We were 6 months from d-day when they got engaged and I was still losing my shit on a regular basis.

First, let me say that I hate weddings. Second, I get to the point at times where all of mankind is damned in my mind and nobody can keep vows anymore, so why do we waste our time and the time of all of the guests acting like we know what we are doing? Third, have I mentioned that I hate weddings? Fourth, the seriousness of the sacred vow seems to be no longer in play, so it might even seem that marriage is becoming 'so last century'.

This is my only daughter, and I am actually happy for her. I will walk her down the aisle and be happy for her and enjoy the moment with her. I was pretty anxious a few weeks ago as it got closer, but now that it is here, I think I am going to be OK. My flask of bourbon will be handy, and I will have backup under the bar for the 'Father of the Bride' special drink. Maybe even a backup to the backup in the groom's lounge...

I've broken ribs twice. Once 4 and once 1. Not fun. I developed an instant pain in my face cetecastronomy regarding the packed nose. I've never had kidney stones so can't relate. I hope I haven't jinxed myself.

I did smash my left cheekbone and orbital bone on the left side of my face. The cheekbone pieces were pushed into my sinus making it non-functioning. Slight kink to my nose now. Still have nerve damage. Titanium plates and screws. After the first sneeze I can remember doing anything to sabotage another sneeze. Not always successfully.

Happy Friday, NTV.