Me: 47 WW: 36 (serial cheater)T: 17 M: 14 3DDs: 14, 4, 3 Reconciled
Possible Separation/Divorce years later
There hasn’t been any more infidelity just to put that out there.
But the past year has been really difficult for both my wife and I. Both as individuals and for our marriage. The state of our marriage right now could be of lingering effects from the years of infidelity, but I don’t believe it’s the direct effect.
It seems like lately my wife and I are just not connecting. I’ve noticed over the past six months especially that we have been pulling away from one another. My wife has made a lot of effort to try and make time for her and I, with restrictions being lifted we have begun to make more of an effort to go out and do stuff. We had started to attend marriage counseling but after a few sessions, we stopped because we felt we were doing everything they were suggesting to try.
Last night we had a discussion that both of us have been dreading. We both admit that we aren’t happy. We are simply living like roommates and when we do spend time together, or have sex it feels forced. We aren’t sure where to go from here, neither of us wants to get a divorce, but we also agree we can’t just wait forever.
I’m thinking about possibly suggesting a trial separation. We had one back in 2018 initiated by my wife, which brought us back together.
I love her very much, and just hope we can find our way back to each other.
14 comments posted: Thursday, January 13th, 2022
How to respond to wife feel insecurities
I was using my wife laptop while mine was being repaired. I came across a word document that contained notes, and character summaries. When I asked her about it, she said she had been working on an outline for a few weeks now. I asked her why she didn't tell me about this and she said that she didn't know if she would be able to pull it off and was afraid I'd think it was a stupid idea.
I feel gutted that she felt like she couldn't come to me about this. She is very passionate and hard-working, and while there is a huge improvement in this area she is still insecure.
Any advice? Because I want to support her on whatever she wants to do or try.
[This message edited by FamilyMan75 at 2:43 PM, June 22nd (Tuesday)]
18 comments posted: Tuesday, June 22nd, 2021
Wife new job
Slowly ever since my wife was laid off from her job because of Covid, she has been slowly showing signs of depression. I've only started going back to the office two days a week and staying home the other three days of the week.
Two weeks ago, she told me she wanted to find a job, even part time because she just needed it for her mental health.
So she found herself a part-time cashier job for 3 6 hours shifts in the evenings a week, so we don't have to send the kids to daycare.
She starts next week. I really do think this will be good for her. It does give me some anxiety, which I am dealing with.
She is hoping next year, once the pandemic is fully over she'll go back to a full-time, daytime job.
Other than that we are doing really well and just celebrated our 14th year anniversary last month.
[This message edited by FamilyMan75 at 1:01 AM, May 24th (Monday)]
9 comments posted: Monday, May 24th, 2021
New Therapist? Or am not liking what I'm hearing?
I haven't seen mine for a long time because of COVID and life. But I went back to her, and it just didn't end well.
I don't know if it's her, since I've used her for a few years on and off, or if it's just my reaction to something I didn't want to hear.
I've been dealing with trying to keep everyone happy. It's hard to just let go. I was telling my therapist about the issues with my mother, and how I just want everyone to be cordial to my wife, and how my wife feels about it.
My therapist asked me if I ever just not considered my wife's feelings or opinion for a moment? At first, that just sounded wrong because I'm not one to just disregard how my actions may affect other people or how they may feel. But she said that it didn't seem like I could disengage my wife from my relationship with my mother.
I didn't agree with her, but now I'm wondering if she has a point. But she just came across blunt, it made it feel like it was mine and my wife's fault my mother was acting this way.
29 comments posted: Friday, March 5th, 2021
Love is a Choice by Lynn G. Robbins
My wife picked up this book and wants me to read it with her. Has anyone heard of it? Is it recommended?
She has been reading a lot on her own, and doing a lot of digging. The last book she brought to me to read was the 5 love languages which I found useful.
[This message edited by FamilyMan75 at 2:33 PM, March 4th (Monday)]
0 comment posted: Monday, March 4th, 2019