Newest Member: Notarunnerup

FamilyMan75

Me: 46 WW: 36 (serial cheater)
T: 16 M: 14
3DDs: 13, 3, 2
Reconciled

I guess I was technically the OM when I met my wife

I always knew that when I met my wife there was defiantly a grey area. She was an exotic dancer and I was attracted to her. I had talked to her for a few weeks casually before I found she was in a relationship. But I came to find out through old messages and events that we had started to flirt for at least a week before she broke it off with her boyfriend, and we were together for almost another week before she officially moved all her stuff back to her mother's house. So almost two weeks of boundaries being crossed before she cut all contact with him.

My wife says it's not my fault because she wasn't upfront with me at the time. That I only made decisions based on the knowledge I had. Like I told her that I wouldn't be in a relationship with her while she was with another man. So she broke it off with him. He was a horrible partner to her so I guess then I overlooked certain parts of the timeline and justified it. But when I look at it, I was enjoying the company of a woman who was taken. It's just leaving an uneasy feeling in my gut.

2 comments posted: Friday, July 30th, 2021

How to respond to wife feel insecurities

I was using my wife laptop while mine was being repaired. I came across a word document that contained notes, and character summaries. When I asked her about it, she said she had been working on an outline for a few weeks now. I asked her why she didn't tell me about this and she said that she didn't know if she would be able to pull it off and was afraid I'd think it was a stupid idea.

I feel gutted that she felt like she couldn't come to me about this. She is very passionate and hard-working, and while there is a huge improvement in this area she is still insecure.

Any advice? Because I want to support her on whatever she wants to do or try.

[This message edited by FamilyMan75 at 2:43 PM, June 22nd (Tuesday)]

18 comments posted: Tuesday, June 22nd, 2021

Personality Types and Relationships

My wife has been really into learning about how our personality types relate to relationships.

My wife is a ESFJ.

Where I'm between a ESTJ and ISTJ.

After reading up with her about it and talking about it. IT kind of makes sense. We are both extroverted, her being a bit more so. We both are big on paying attention small details, we both follow schedules and huge planners. My wife is a lot more practical than I am, but over all our live styles mesh.

Our biggest conflict is that she (and this is coming from her) is she very emotional when it comes to dealing with big decisions. She shuts down when she feels threatened, yelled at, or is being put down. Where I'm more direct, take charge and try to keep everything together.

Despite what I'm reading up on ESTJ individuals I do think I can relate emotionally to my wife and to my children. I think I can and have always been able to keep my relationship with my family and my work separate.

I'm not really sure where I am going with but wondering what everyone else's take on this is.

11 comments posted: Monday, May 31st, 2021

Wife new job

Slowly ever since my wife was laid off from her job because of Covid, she has been slowly showing signs of depression. I've only started going back to the office two days a week and staying home the other three days of the week.

Two weeks ago, she told me she wanted to find a job, even part time because she just needed it for her mental health.

So she found herself a part-time cashier job for 3 6 hours shifts in the evenings a week, so we don't have to send the kids to daycare.

She starts next week. I really do think this will be good for her. It does give me some anxiety, which I am dealing with.

She is hoping next year, once the pandemic is fully over she'll go back to a full-time, daytime job.

Other than that we are doing really well and just celebrated our 14th year anniversary last month.

[This message edited by FamilyMan75 at 1:01 AM, May 24th (Monday)]

9 comments posted: Monday, May 24th, 2021

New Therapist? Or am not liking what I'm hearing?

I haven't seen mine for a long time because of COVID and life. But I went back to her, and it just didn't end well.

I don't know if it's her, since I've used her for a few years on and off, or if it's just my reaction to something I didn't want to hear.

I've been dealing with trying to keep everyone happy. It's hard to just let go. I was telling my therapist about the issues with my mother, and how I just want everyone to be cordial to my wife, and how my wife feels about it.

My therapist asked me if I ever just not considered my wife's feelings or opinion for a moment? At first, that just sounded wrong because I'm not one to just disregard how my actions may affect other people or how they may feel. But she said that it didn't seem like I could disengage my wife from my relationship with my mother.

I didn't agree with her, but now I'm wondering if she has a point. But she just came across blunt, it made it feel like it was mine and my wife's fault my mother was acting this way.

Any thoughts?

29 comments posted: Friday, March 5th, 2021

Teen Daughter Drama

My daughter just turned thirteen. In the last six months, she has started to whine. I expect whining from my two toddler daughters but not from a teenager. Today she whined when I told her to do the dishes, and yesterday she whined for almost two hours before I just sent her to her room because I told her to turn off her music after telling her to turn it down for the fifties time. I understand she isn't able to hang out with her friends or do much because of COVID-19. My wife told me it was only the beginning.

12 comments posted: Friday, January 15th, 2021

What if I decided to cheat?

I'm not going to obviously... My marriage is doing fine. My wife hasn't slipped up so it isn't that. But lately, I have been thinking about what if I decided to cheat on her? While on the surface I can understand why she seeking validation and she has done work on herself and slowly getting to the route of her issues. I'm working on my own issues and the marriage is surviving. But I can't help but keep dwelling on why. More than on a surface level, but a deep understanding. I keep telling myself I'll never truly understand unless I do the same to her that she did to me. I'm sure this feeling will pass, but for right now its' there, loud and clear.

49 comments posted: Tuesday, November 3rd, 2020

Is a timeline really that necessary?

I've been reading a lot lately, and timelines are brought up frequently.

My wife is a serial cheater, and as far as I know, I know how many times she cheated, how long approximately every affair was, and when. Even if there is more, which my wife says I know everything. I know she could be lying, but there has been so much cheating, at this point, what would be one more affair partner.

I really don't want to know all the details, what she was feeling when, or what she was saying. Because at this point, the only way we can go is up because our relationship and marriage have been plagued by infidelity, and the last two years has been great.

32 comments posted: Thursday, September 17th, 2020

Love is a Choice by Lynn G. Robbins

My wife picked up this book and wants me to read it with her. Has anyone heard of it? Is it recommended?

She has been reading a lot on her own, and doing a lot of digging. The last book she brought to me to read was the 5 love languages which I found useful.

[This message edited by FamilyMan75 at 2:33 PM, March 4th (Monday)]

0 comment posted: Monday, March 4th, 2019

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