Me: 47 WW: 36 (serial cheater)T: 17 M: 14 3DDs: 15, 5, 4 Reconciled
Update: We are making progress after a rough year
After over a year of our marriage being in a funk, we are finally finding new grounds. I have really done some soul searching in my severe codependency. I have finally come to a realization that I have always put myself in a position where I needed to have some kind of control over the outcome. I wanted to be able to fix everything. I wanted to protect my wife's feelings even over my own. I knew I had these issues but it took my wife telling me that I needed to stop. That I needed to be selfish otherwise I was just going to let myself drown. It was hard to distinguish between being a supportive husband and treating my wife Paternally. If I can make her life easier without affecting my emotional well-being, I will do it. But if it is something only my wife can fix, I've slowly learned to just let her deal with it.
She has become more forthcoming. She finally told me that she didn't want me to give up a relationship with my family, my friends, or our children because of her. My mother has been very critical and downright mean to my wife. My wife says she accepted that, but at the end of the day, that is our children's family. She says that I might have believed that this was what I want, but that deep down the estrangement stems from me wanting to protect her. While there is a lot of hurt and distance because of the lack of boundaries with my mother, I do understand now what she means.
We have also started to make an effort to do weekly date nights again, even if we aren't in the mood. We are planning a night every week to sit and discuss our week, again even if we don't feel like it. It's been a few weeks and I've noticed a difference in our communication. We had lost our way, but now making it a habit, like it had been before to connect emotionally to one another. There is still something lacking, but we are taking steps to address it. The thoughts of divorce are no longer on the table at this time.
4 comments posted: Wednesday, July 13th, 2022
How to respond to wife feel insecurities
I was using my wife laptop while mine was being repaired. I came across a word document that contained notes, and character summaries. When I asked her about it, she said she had been working on an outline for a few weeks now. I asked her why she didn't tell me about this and she said that she didn't know if she would be able to pull it off and was afraid I'd think it was a stupid idea.
I feel gutted that she felt like she couldn't come to me about this. She is very passionate and hard-working, and while there is a huge improvement in this area she is still insecure.
Any advice? Because I want to support her on whatever she wants to do or try.
[This message edited by FamilyMan75 at 2:43 PM, June 22nd (Tuesday)]
18 comments posted: Tuesday, June 22nd, 2021
Wife new job
Slowly ever since my wife was laid off from her job because of Covid, she has been slowly showing signs of depression. I've only started going back to the office two days a week and staying home the other three days of the week.
Two weeks ago, she told me she wanted to find a job, even part time because she just needed it for her mental health.
So she found herself a part-time cashier job for 3 6 hours shifts in the evenings a week, so we don't have to send the kids to daycare.
She starts next week. I really do think this will be good for her. It does give me some anxiety, which I am dealing with.
She is hoping next year, once the pandemic is fully over she'll go back to a full-time, daytime job.
Other than that we are doing really well and just celebrated our 14th year anniversary last month.
[This message edited by FamilyMan75 at 1:01 AM, May 24th (Monday)]
9 comments posted: Monday, May 24th, 2021
Love is a Choice by Lynn G. Robbins
My wife picked up this book and wants me to read it with her. Has anyone heard of it? Is it recommended?
She has been reading a lot on her own, and doing a lot of digging. The last book she brought to me to read was the 5 love languages which I found useful.
[This message edited by FamilyMan75 at 2:33 PM, March 4th (Monday)]
0 comment posted: Monday, March 4th, 2019