Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: Goku06

I Can Relate :
Dealing with OC

default

fournlau ( member #71803) posted at 7:44 PM on Thursday, March 17th, 2022

Received notification in the mail about the OW beginning the process for CS! To say it was devastating and triggering is an understatement. Now this hangs in the air. Looking into it, it appears that if he is the father, we will be out between $800-$1200 a month! We live well, but not that well! That amount is going to have a devastating affect on our standard of living. It really sucks that his mistake is now going to force me and our kids to pay! And honestly, it doesn't matter what I choose at this point, my life/future is forever altered! This is not where I expected to be at this stage of my life!

I've been a stay at home mom for most of our M but that means NOTHING to our society! I'm fucked either way! If I leave, I lose his financial support and end up in a trailer park somewhere, needing to get a shit job just to meet basic necessities! We aren't rich, or that well off. We're still living paycheck to paycheck. If I stay, I still lose financial support to the point that I still need to get a shit job to be able to pay for our current bills!

Ugh!!

When am I ever going to stop having to pay for HIS poor choices????? I know it's awful, but I wish OW and OC would just DISAPPEAR! It's fucking hard enough to learn to live with and heal from being betrayed by the one person who is supposed to have your back, a completely other thing to have it shoved in your face for the rest of your life! There are sinkholes in her state, why won't one open up and swallow her up!

posts: 350   ·   registered: Oct. 10th, 2019
id 8723799
default

HDENUFF75 ( member #72813) posted at 12:23 AM on Wednesday, March 30th, 2022

My heart goes out to you. I really do not know what I would choose. I think I would have to be spiteful and get my own checking account if I had to get a job so that the money I earned I knew didn’t go directly to that other woman. Lol. It’s great that you have been able to stay home; most of us have not been that lucky. Terrible that that has to come to an end in this fashion. Life is totally not fair.

posts: 115   ·   registered: Feb. 15th, 2020
id 8726779
default

fournlau ( member #71803) posted at 9:42 PM on Thursday, April 14th, 2022

Honestly HDENUFF75, I've even thought about getting a D first just so that the pool of $ she has to fish from is considerably diminished with spousal support and CS already taken out! But it's just a passing thought. If I was really vindictive I would go for full custody and take her child away from her! She'd get the OC for summer only. If we really wanted to, we could get it done, but the idea of having the OC in my life day after day reminding me over and over again would kill me. Plus, it's not right to use a child that way. Even though I am 99.9% sure OW did just that in getting pregnant on purpose!

posts: 350   ·   registered: Oct. 10th, 2019
id 8729795
default

HDENUFF75 ( member #72813) posted at 9:44 PM on Sunday, April 17th, 2022

FOURNLAU in my case getting full custody would be the best thing for the child. His mother is a drug addict, doesn’t even raise the child. I have thought about getting custody of the child too but I’m close to 50 and my last two children will be gone in a couple years, and I’m looking forward to an easier life, doing what I want which is not raising that child. I’m sorry it turned out like that for that child but he also isn’t my responsibility.

posts: 115   ·   registered: Feb. 15th, 2020
id 8730256
default

The1stWife ( member #58832) posted at 11:56 AM on Monday, April 18th, 2022

Maybe your H needs a second job to afford the CS he will be required to pay.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled.

posts: 12497   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8730309
default

fournlau ( member #71803) posted at 3:49 AM on Thursday, April 21st, 2022

HDENUFF75

I have thought about getting custody of the child too but I’m close to 50 and my last two children will be gone in a couple years, and I’m looking forward to an easier life, doing what I want which is not raising that child.

I am 50 now and I totally get it! My youngest will graduate next year and the thought of raising a toddler is horrifying! I am also looking forward to an empty nest. The good thing is, WH completely understands that I will never be OK with that child in my life! He has not asked that of me. Of course, he knows that I would say no. I also believe that the child would be better off with us, but not my responsibility! The OW knew my WH would not help her in any way. She already had two other children with two other father's who also are not in the children's lives. I am pretty sure she got pregnant on purpose believing he would choose her over his family.

The1stWife

Maybe your H needs a second job to afford the CS he will be required to pay.

He has said that he would pick up OT at work to pay for the CS. That he does not believe I should have to get a job to shore up our finances because of what he did. We'll see if that's what happens.

We haven't heard anything else and WH has yet to schedule a consultation with a lawyer to ask about the process and what we might be in store for. Also, to see what our options might be. I hate having this anvil above our heads just waiting for it to drop on our heads! The stress is unbelievable.

posts: 350   ·   registered: Oct. 10th, 2019
id 8730863
default

HDENUFF75 ( member #72813) posted at 1:22 AM on Wednesday, July 13th, 2022

Update. Found out husband was going to see affair child during a time when he said he was at his mother’s house. Caught him there. Had a big argument about his lying. He is now honest with his visits which amount to 2hrs a week but I noticed recently a weird thing has happened within myself. I am completely apathetic towards my husband. I don’t think I have loved him for a long time but now there really isn’t any kind of feeling at all. I was mentioning to him months ago that we do not spend any quality time together, now I don’t care if we do. I used to be kind of lonely, now I’m not because now I don’t care. I used to really have some walls up around my heart. Now they are down because again I don’t care. I’m really not even angry with him. I think I have mostly forgave him. This apathy thing is really foreign to me. I’m not apathetic to anything or anyone else. It’s just weird to look at someone you have spent 26 years with and not feel a thing.

posts: 115   ·   registered: Feb. 15th, 2020
id 8744461
default

fournlau ( member #71803) posted at 9:52 PM on Wednesday, September 21st, 2022

HDENUFF75

I'm so sorry that happened! I can't even imagine how unbelievably painful that must have been! That is a boundary for me. And like I've said, I can't keep him from seeing the OC if it is indeed his, but it will be without me at his side or in this M. I completely understand feeling apathy at this stage. It's like you just shut down because it's too painful to bear! I hope you are taking care of yourself.

posts: 350   ·   registered: Oct. 10th, 2019
id 8756436
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20220905 2002-2022 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy