SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

She gets to meet the new me tomorrow. I met with the sheriff and county attorney today to make sure I was within the law by moving back and I am.

Hit submit too soon..... lol

She has three options- dump him and work towardsR, pack her shit and move in with him, which he doesn't want, or take over this apartment which is in her name, which she can't afford. I'll be damned if I'll finance her fantasy world. She's getting a divorce packet to ponder for the weekend, and he's getting exposed to his command. I would think that given the option of a 46YO with massive debt over her head and two kids is a bad one when you could lose a thirty year career and a nice fat pension. Plenty of single women for him to choose from if he makes it thru the exposure relatively unscathed. He knew what he was doing when he bagannthis so I feel no pity for him or his career. He did this not me. He knew the risks. Guarantee as some one here said, he will throw her under the bus the minute they inform him he is under investigation.

Do you have a VAR for when you show her the new you? You've already stated that you are worried about false allegations. I'd make sure all face to face contact is calm and recorded.

Yes I do. It's on my phone

And thru all of this I've never raised my voice an octave from normal conversation like I'd have with you. She won't get me that easily. She'll have to work for it. Like I said, I've been to the sheriff and county attorney so they are aware. We live in a very small town so I thought I'd cover my bases before I act. My head is beginning to clear the more I work on. I can see a small sliver of light at the end right now. I don't know what that end will be but I'm working towards it. I'm tired of being a puppet. Told some one last week I felt like a shelter dog. Stuck in my cage unable to move hoping against hope someone would just scratch my ear. The cage opened yesterday and I'm not going back in for anyone, ever.

Do not wait for your day off to expose, you are just making excuses. It will take one hour and you will sleep like a baby afterwards.

This needs to be done before tomorrow. I'm serious, I wish there was something here beyond bold fonts and capital letters for me to convey how vital it is that you do this now.

The second she catches wind of something she will be warning him and the effectiveness of your exposure is compromised significantly.

It MUST come out of the blue.

GW,

First, THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE AND PROTECTING US.

Second, you have come a long way from your first painful posting. Just read your first and last posts. Boing! the rubber band went off in your head. You are getting great advice. The smart ones are on the thread. Follow them. Rest well.

Tomorrow, call the command. He could be busted a rank too and retired! Think of the fine and pay cut in retirement. Dog! Doesn't that get you motivated to call the command. Nail the slime bag!

Cheers. Wish you weren't here.

[This message edited by Greyson at 4:26 PM, August 15th (Tuesday)]

I agree with others, expose him first, then confront her. Trust us it won't matter, she is going to get totally angry at first because that is what WS's do when confronted and they are not prepared, she will attack at first because you will be blowing up her fantasy bubble. Be prepared for that, it shocks most of us as we never thought our spouse would ever act this way, but when they are 'in love' with someone else you get thrown under the bus, you are just a paycheck.

She needs to see hard consequences of her actions. You need to keep that VAR on you at all times, even after confrontation. Trust us on this too, she will try to work the DV angle as well. If she is being guided by her new love interest and he has been divorced 4 times, he is a pro at making women do what he wants. No talking to her is going to make her see the light if she does not already see how horrible this is.

Also, I would not be surprised if this douche does not even work for the military, have you personally confirmed it? If so then yes expose, but I have a funny feeling this guy is spinning a huge web of lies to your WW that is very untrue. But again, not your problem.

Stay safe and stay smart. Don't assume that if you just "talk" to your wife right now that she will all of a sudden "get it". When they are this far gone it is not something that is going to change any time soon or if at all. This affair is not the only issue, there is so much more that she would need to have to work on to find out why she even thought it was OK to even go down this road and blow up your whole family.

He most definatley is in the military. The day I busted her I made her call him and tell him the gig was up. His only words to her were beg him not to call the military. She has asked me several times since to not mess with his career and as far as she knows I won't..... but I will. She stayed on the base with him when she went down in July for a week.

What are you waiting for?

This man is scum. He is slick. You don't know but what he could be dangerous. Shut him down pronto. Do not play either of them like you are snagging a brook trout . . . this is not a game. It sounds like you hint to your wife that she has options . . . I would stop doing that if indeed you are.

If you think you are too tired or distracted now, it will be way worse if word gets out to either of them before you take action. Delay no longer.

I am sorry your wife has fallen for this Lothario. Whether she chooses to step back into the marriage after the exposure or still wants out, I would recommend she undergo psyche evaluation. Knowing his background and that he is a repeat Romeo, and continuing to believe she has any kind of a future with him, and wanting that, is a sign that she may have some serious unresolved emotional/psychiatric issues. Certainly, if she wishes to continue to be married and a mother, you will want to know that any issues are out on the table and being addressed professionally.

And I for one do not like the idea that my tax dollars support service-members with such terrible morals that they delight in leading such deceptive lives. This character flaw is too critical when we are talking about our national security. This is serious business here . . .

GW - stop reading and writing. Exposure is the necessary next step beyond ASAP. It's literally the ticking time bomb in the room. Do it right now.

Sharkman you are absolutely right. Not gonna lie, I have a little fear of the blowout after exposure. I plan on moving back in to save my home and I'm a little nervous of the backlash. I know it has to be done and I'm going to do it. Hopefully when the details are laid out to the military they see this isn't just about Adultery, it is a security risk as well. I'm hoping they at least hit him with a no contact order until the investigation is over

If they do a no contact that will knock the wind out of her sails fast. I have a mountain of texts, photos, and a timeline to give them.

Stop fearing and just do it. It's literally your only option at this point other than deciding to just suck it up and continue to be abused by both of them.

Do it right this instant. Send it via email if you have to but do it.

Do it right this instant. Send it via email if you have to but do it.

And I for one do not like the idea that my tax dollars support service-members with such terrible morals that they delight in leading such deceptive lives. This character flaw is too critical when we are talking about our national security. This is serious business here . .

Please do this TODAY.

He most definatley is in the military. The day I busted her I made her call him and tell him the gig was up. His only words to her were beg him not to call the military. She has asked me several times since to not mess with his career and as far as she knows I won't..... but I will. She stayed on the base with him when she went down in July for a week.

Not good and non caring. Even if you R will there be any love/ emotions from her? There are other mitigating circumstances and you R you should prepare for a future relation of convenience and look for love and emotions else where

I honestly thinks she's had a mental melt down of some kind. She is most definatley not the woman I knew in December. She cares about nothing but talking to him. It's all that matters. Her FaceTime went down Saturday and my daughter said she about lost it until she fixed it. No excuse, but she exhibits all the text book signs of a midlife crisis as described to me in IC and by our Doctor, who noticed changes in her. If so, she'll come out of it and not remember anything about the damage she's caused. I am going to make the call today. The end begins now.

Strength to you. You have already been victimized Do not let the ensuing circumstances due to her bizarre actions victimize you again. Now you are on your own. Do things to make yourself better all around. Are the kids also unhappy about what she is doing? Let them be aware of this as it suits.

They have no idea right now what's going on. They were upset because she didn't call them at all while she was gone. Mom of the year right there. My daughter is 14, and my son is 13 he has aspbergers autism. I'm trying to shield them from this is much as I can Ithey don't need this crap . She's already manipulated my daughter To do her bidding. She has her spiy me here When I get them to see who I'm texting, and while she was gone she had her report back to her what her dad and I were saying about her. Total bullshit. She's too young to get caught up in this mess, it would crush them to know that their mom went away for a week telling them she was going to training and she's really going to have sex with some guy. They are under the impression my wife and I just had a disagreement and we're gonna work it all out and be a happy family again real soon.

GW, you've posted about 3 options but i must admit it baffles me that there is three when i can reasonably only see two(which really could be aurgued is only one.

I can't honestly see how you could be of a mind to "work on the marriage."

I'm not saying that in the future it can't become an option but right nowi would equate your situation as being in the midst of a car crash. You can hit the brakes and skid into the wall in front of you, or you can swerve away from the wall and hit a different obstacle. There is no option right now to rebuild your car because frankly you don't know how much damage there is going to be and whether or not it will be repairable.

The first order of bussiness is to get yourself out of the car and out of infidelity. Have a look at the damage that has been done. Maybe after you have taken some time to absorb this you can decide if R is even something that interests you, it certainly doesn't sound like it is of any interest to her. To her you are mearly a means of support until her true love is willing to take her off your hands.