SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Have you turned him in yet? Stop trying to reason with her.

[This message edited by Wool94 at 3:03 PM, August 14th (Monday)]

I'm done reasoning with her. I'm turning him in as soon as I finish printing out the texts between them that prove they have been together sexually and that he knew she was married when he initiated all this. Some I know have said she is in the midst of a midlife crisis, including her doctor. I have no idea. All I know is I am tired of the lies and her manipulation of everyone including me. I have figured out her game thanks to everyone here and I am not plan B. She'll be pissed when I turn him in, but like it was said in here by a wise person, I should be pissed that he did it. I told her Friday that the dud of her and this POS determining how my life will go are over. She has a very distinct choice to make right about now, cut him off completely and work on us, or pack her shit and move on with mr wonderful. I can't afford the financial strain her little fairy tale is causing and I will not lose my house over her and that asshole. She has not paid one bill or the house payment, and sadly I have done without so my kids have power and food. This ends now. She claims to not want a divorce and that he's not ready to live together. That should tell her something about him. I refuse to be an enabler or a doormat any longer. As the old saying goes it's time to shitnor get off the pot. I'm done trying to win her back by being soft and telling her how I feel. It just shows weakness and allows her that much more control over me. Since posting here I have initiated the 180 and I'm trying to clear my head and focus on the details now. This little episode has caused financial ruin, im on the brink of financial ruin because all she cares about right now is talking to him every night on FaceTime. I am obviously the only sane one right now, so I have to take steps to get her out of the house and try to salvage what's left for me and my children. She's on her own. Maybe he'll enjoy supporting her. If he can after he gets turned in this week.

Right on...you've got to save yourself and the kids. Get back in the house, get out from under the apartment as soon as possible. Expose him. Expose her. Find people who will support you and the kids.

Take back your power.

Yes!!!

I stood up and cheered at your post. So rarely do Betrayeds 'get it' so completely and with conviction.

Great job!!!!!!

You are doing a great job! I am impressed. Every newly betrayed spouse should handle it like you.

I'm so glad to hear you sound so confident and forward-looking. You are an inspiration to many on this site. I wish I had been half as decisive as you in the beginning of my journey. You are going to get out of infidelity, with or without her, and that is great news for you. There are a few threads on this site from others that are not near a decisive and they are struggling. They should all be sent from their threads to read this one. Keep up the good work and good luck.

Gw5263,

She is required to share the expenses . You can demand payment. Keep a record also of her non contribution

Is it possible for you to ask her to move out sighting your discomfort because of what she is doing with POSOM

[This message edited by goalong at 8:04 PM, August 14th (Monday)]

"No idea how to proceed"....so not true Gw.

Goalong,

Here's the thing- she didn't put an ounce of thought into the separation phase of her fantasy. He told her to get away from me and she did because we were actually starting down the road to working it out and he found out.

She works for the school board and doesn't get paid all summer. She does get a one time payment of 1500 that is supposed to last until she gets her first check in September. For what ever reason she is almost broke and wonder man hasn't ponied up money like he told her he would. She makes 800 a month when she is getting paid. The problems is this- the house payment and all of the bills for the house are about 1600 a month. She hasn't been able to pay half of them. The apartment she initially rented has a monthly cost of about 1100 dollars. I told her at the start that she really needed to rethink this whole deal and try to work on us because she would soon see his true colors. He doesn't care what bills she has or what the kids need because he has no kids and all he is after is a devoted piece of ass . He lives three states away and I'm sure him and the women he's messing with while she's here don't worry about bills. Meantime she's busy telling everyone who will listen that I'm a dead beat and won't help her out. I'm not in the business of financing affairs, just making sure my kids have a good stable home with food to eat and power. She can pack her shit and go live with him in fairy tale land while we rebuild..... oh, wait, she can't because as she put it,"he's not ready for that and it will be a long time before he is " made your bed, now lie in it.......

Savage. And so strong Gw! That's how he rolls!

I'm with you 100% 'Gw5263'. End it with her and move on. Allow her to fall into the whore pit she's dug for herself. Definitely expose him to his unit commander. They will put him in line very quickly. Also, don't fall for her lines when she comes begging back to you. She's shown that she doesn't care about you or her kids. She's a deadbeat mother and you deserve better. If you do take her back, realize that she'll be at it again at some point. She's shown you that she cannot be trusted.

I think they will do more than put him in line, he violated several articles of the ucmj and his security clearance by doing this. And he is a Senior enlisted man young sailors are expected to look up to. I don't think the military will like much that he told my wife about the computers on a sub either. Got a text to prove that one too.

Yeah, he can pretty much stick a fork in his career.

One more question guys and gals, should I keep monitoring her texts to him or just let it go?

I think I should so when I turn him in I can see if they have a plan for retaliation of some sort.

Any thoughts?

That's a question for your lawyer. I would personally keep looking at them as long as you believe there is a chance for a false domestic abuse charge.

If you paid for the phone and phone service, is it not your property and right to monitor? Yes, ask your attorney about the limitations. I would keep monitoring to at least keep one step ahead of them very step of the way forward out of infidelity and what ever you do, do not tip your hand to your ability to monitor.

Once his CO knows and the OM's career is threatened he is going to throw your WW under the bus so hard it will be the ultimate wake up call for her. Followed by the D papers and the term "shit got real" will be bolded, underlined, and capitalized.

[This message edited by Jduff at 10:10 AM, August 15th (Tuesday)]

File for D and expose him.

No need to inform her you are doing either.

If you keep on this path of strength and control someday you may actually end up with a truly remorseful WW in front of you and then you can decide if you want to put the D on hold or not.

But until then continue on this path as it's the best course of action out of infidelity.

GW,

Please expose ASAP. It's literally the first step that you need to do. We are rooting for you very, very hard but your healing will not start until you start the empowerment process.

What is the empowerment process? Well it's the secret sauce here. Many thing that JFO is a forum for folks to assess damage and tell us stories. Commiserating. It's not. Infidelity is a part of an abuse cycle. Period. You are a victim of abuse. The ONLY way to exit the abuse cycle is by first finding empowerment. It's getting over the fear. It's getting over the dazed impact. It's saying I AM TOO GOOD FOR THIS SHIT, I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT ONE MOMENT LONGER..

^

|

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\---------- The moment that is said is when

healing really starts. Literally

nothing else matters unless you get

there as fast as possible. //

Once you get to that empowerment stage you start becoming you again. You do not allow yourself to be abused. You go from a victim in your own life to one who makes your own paths. THIS IS A MONUMENTAL STEP TO TAKE AND ONE THAT *ANYONE* WHO HAS HEALED AS TAKEN.

Doesn't all of this sound good? Well not one damn ounce of it will start for you until you expose. In fact, I'm so confident in my advice is that in a week after exposure if you do not feel more like "you" I'll donate $100 to the charity of your choice.

Since I'm typing I also want to present this another way. The entire human condition in times of stress can be illustrated with Fight or Flight. It's a beautifully binary way of describing the issue and since it's so black and white it makes for a simple way to illustrate. As humans every day we are presented with a number of "fight or flight" situations. When that happens we chemically become disasters. Our bodies fill with Adrenalin and other stuff. Our blood starts pumping. Chemistry changes. There is a reason rich CEOs die of stress before garbage men. It's because their jobs are literally getting hit from different punches in different directions every day. YOU WERE JUST HIT BY A PUNCH THAT WOULD KNOCK ANYONE OUT. You are in a massive fight or flight. Your body is STILL kicking full of chemicals that make you eat and sleep weird.

The good news? The DAMN INSTANT that you pick up the phone you've chosen TO FIGHT FOR YOUR FAMILY, YOUR SELF-RESPECT AND YOUR OWN WELL-BEING. All of those chemicals that are pumping through you are going to start changing. The caveman who had the same instinct was huddling with fear when the sabre tooth tiger was hunting him. When he decided to pick up his spear and stab the stupid animal in the face HIS ENTIRE BODY CHEMISTRY CHANGED to prepare him for the different encounter. Yours will too. You will be more decisive. You have be more confident. You will sleep better. You will eat better. You will clearly state to your loved ones "I have decided to fight for you in every way that I know how. I've got this."

You need to make that call right now.

Thank you shark man!!! I am planning on exposing on my first day off. I work nights so most of my days are taken up with a medicated form of sleep thanks to her. On top of it all I am in the midst of a financial inferno thanks to him and her. He wanted me out of the way asap so they could communicate openly. He's too far away to visit but FaceTime sex is about all they have right now. I went to the Sheriff and the county attorney today to make sure legally I was protected when I move back in the house. WS and I are meeting tomorrow night to discuss finances, and I'm telling her then I'm moving back in now. She has three options- kick this fantasy to the curb and work on us, pack her shit and go to him, which he doesn't want, or pack her shit and take the apartment she rented in her name. No more door mat, no more enabler, no more wimpy ass crybaby. She's gonna meet the new me tomorrow night. I'll leave a divorce packet when I leave for her to ponder. Between that and her man gettingnin the shit, she might wake up. I would think given the wake up he's fixin to get, he would choose a 30 year career and nice retirement over a 46 YO woman with a bus load of debt over her head and two kids.