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Whatever happens don't let her take the kids from their home to be around this uber douche bag. Jeez man, what the hell????!!!!

Goalomg, I did protest and warn her of the consequences. I told her what she was doing to the family and the kids especially. Nothing mattered. I am going to expose him tomorrow morning. I am only fearful of retaliation from them. I have been in law enforcement for 21 years now and don't need a false DV charge

She's in the fog. Your words don't matter to her. You have to blow this whole thing up and expose it to the light of day. That's the only way to crack the armor of that fog.

I am so sorry you ended up here like this. At this point, the only way you can get her back is not by talking nicely but showing her the divorce door as an option. You cannot change a WS who is in a deep fog about the affair and the AP. The famous saying "You have to be willing to risk your marriage if you want to save it" applies fully here. None of the "But I love you so much and want to fix things with you" type of conversation will change the course of things. I am sure others will have similar says. If you continue to tolerate her abusive behavior, you will lose everything you have instead of gaining anything out of this mess. No offense here but you have to man up and she needs to be talked to about the consequences of her actions that might lead all the way to divorce. Only such an attitude can wake her up to reality. Sorry man, this is the way it works - you cannot read here one other option. Keep us posted and updated. This is also the perfect place to vent and you might need to vent a lot in the near future.

Voice activated recorder. Follow the laws in your locality, but make sure you're on the record for every interaction. She doesn't get to behave as your adversary and then not be treated as one, right? If anyone else was threatening you, you wouldn't hesitate to whip out your phone and announce that the conversation was being recorded. Don't hesitate now.

Document ALL you do for/with your kids... and do a lot. Put them first. It will pay off if/when you get in front of a judge. Remember that no matter what happens in your marriage, you can still be a great dad.

[This message edited by ChamomileTea at 5:34 PM, August 13th (Sunday)]

Thanks for all the support and advice! I have come up with a plan of action and need some feedback.

Day one- hit her with the divorce packet I have prepared

Day two- I have an app that will let me call using another number. Plan to have a female friend of mine call my wife from OM number and confront her for sleeping with her man. Tested this app and it works.

Day three- call the military and expose him. They will force him to abide by NC order

wife won't have contact with him and will believe what I have told her all along- he has other women. Due to the militaryNC which she will not know about, she will hear nothing more from him and figure out she has been used.

Any thoughts?

Skip the day two thing, no good will come of it.

Call his command first thing and give her the papers immediately afterwards if possible.

Just figured day two would have an impact on her as well

180 (ignoring her) and filling will have big effect on her. I think she is bluffing and assume you are on tow regardless of what she does. Your above actions will shock her to reality and she will suddenly have new found love for you. whether she is genuine (considering the brazen way she acted) is a big decision for you to make.

[This message edited by goalong at 6:49 PM, August 13th (Sunday)]

Somebody on this forum put it to me his way because I too had to decide whether or not to turn the AP in to his governing body. I thought I'd give him fair warning to leave her alone before I did. It was pointed out to me that he gave me no such courtesy before he started sleeping with my girlfriend. So the question is why should you give her AP such notice? It will only give him more cause to try to obfuscate the situation. Best of luck brother...

Just figured day two would have an impact on her as well

I am retired military. I had said security clearance also. If he is in something that requires a Top Secret clearance and he is participating in an adulteress affair, with a married woman, then he is playing with fire. I can't even image the number of way such a situation could get him compromised. If you contact the right people then you can blow his world up. Your first move should be to give your wife divorce papers. Even if you love your wife more than your next breath, never ever live with someone that does not love, respect, and see you as the man see wants to spend her life with. You could probably get over the affair but you can never get over being plan B and second choice to someone you are making a life with. You try and it will suck the life out of you and make you old before your time. Five to ten years from now the chances are very good that you will be asking yourself why didn't you leave when you had the chance. Do yourself a big favor and get yourself a shark of an attorney. I do wish you well.

Whatever you do play your cards close to your chest. Do not tell your wife what you're doing before you do it. Do NOT reach out to this guy and tell him to back off your wife. He's not going to and it will just make you look weak.

You should carry a VAR or some type of recording device on you at all times to protect yourself from false accusations if you feel your wife is capable of that.

At this point I have no idea what she's thinking. I do know that when she finds out I turned him in she will be livid

At this point I have no idea what she's thinking. I do know that when she finds out I turned him in she will be livid

Seriously dude why the hell would you not expose the douchebag and serve your WW with D papers about 10 seconds after.

What about you? Aren't you just a tiny bit upset that your loving wife who you have up on a pedestal is spreading her legs willingly for some OM and blatantly shoving it in your face.

Your wife might have a little bit of love for you & I mean a really tiny bit but she sure doesn't respect you, her marriage or her family. Time to cut and run, expose and find a more suitable mate.

Start by turning him in. Do this Now. Everything else can wait.

Your first goal is to get yourself out of abuse. Not only is she abusing you, she is rubbing your nose in it.

Also, you're law enforcement. You need to above all know it's the ethical solution to report him. There is a reason these provisions are in place.

Also DO NOT TELL HIM OR YOUR WIFE YOU ARE DOING THIS. All that will do is give him time to come up with a plan.

Good luck exposing. Go buy a Voice Activated Recorder right after that and keep it on you. When your wife confronts you remain painfully calm. Pretend you are ordering pizza. If you raise your voice in the slightest or make even a semi angry statement it could come back to bite you.

why did you give her the option of wanting a divorce you just fuelled this cosy affair arrangement to continue and be in the comfort of her home

Take charge and file you can always back out but it will show she has done the wrong thing and could loose her family

I do know that when she finds out I turned him in she will be livid

Yeah, tough shit about that. Get a VAR right away. You absolutely must have that protection.

Don't give her the kids for a full week. Bad precedent. Don't use them as tools to get what you want from your wife.

Absolutely time to take control. Call the CO and out him. Call the attorney and serve her with papers. Glad you are not "together". Wouldn't trust her in any way! I feel for you.