SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm so tired. I'm tired of hurting. The pain is so much. The grief is overwhelming today. I wish this wasn't my life. I wish I didn't exist. I don't feel like I matter. Yet, I'm here.

You DO matter. You do.

This is a pain that is indescribable.

Your hurt and torment can be so overwhelming.

Right now, please know that you can and will get through this. It will be hard, it will be exhausting but you can make it through.

One day, one prayer, one post at a time. Tell us what happened?

We understand. We care.

MANY HUGS AND PRAYERS

I'm 6 months out and just tired of the hurt and devestation. It's just so hard to keep pushing through.

There's plenty of people I wish didn't exist. You ain't one of them.

Promise me that if you start planning for your departure that you'll see a doctor first?

You matter. Take a break. Take a break from all the hurting and throw yourself into something you love. A book, a hobby anything. Take care of yourself. You are loved.

Thanks. I'm not going to do anything. I have 3 kids that need me. It just feels like a life sentence of hurting right now....like it will never end. It feels so unfair.

JIMYA--I've seen some of your posts to others and you seem so strong and kind and smart a person. So please be kind and smart and strong for yourself. I see you have three young children but you also have choices. Is your H doing all he can to help you heal? Can you try each day to do something that you enjoy or that makes you feel better? Even for an hour or so. In the beginning I felt it was more like one hour at a time than one day at a time but gradually the anguish, the sharp sharp pain subsided. And came back again but then, subsided again and after more time there really was more time that was pain free.

You have choices but absolutely no need to decide upon any of them except to try each day to do nice for yourself.

I don't feel like I matter.

Matter to who? Your WH?

If you are basing whether you matter or not on the opinion of a person who has a massive gaping void where his honor and integrity should be, you are dooming yourself. Right now you are a supporting actor in his life movie. Everyone is.

It'd be like trusting your dog to watch your ham sandwich. You know the outcome. You WILL be disappointed.

So write your own story, where you don't take any shit, are in control of your life, and invite your WH back by the goodness of your heart, but don't tolerate anything. Be in control.

You matter to your children. You are everything to them. And you matter to us. We care.

Sending strength!

(((( Jesusismyanchor))))

You matter to God.

I get what you mean though. Some days I still wish I could die and go to heaven and the pain stop. Nowhere near as often as I used to feel it. Never had a plan just wished I didnt exist.

Remember, it is grief, and you will get through it.

I think many of us here felt that way, especially in the months after D-Day. The pain is so raw, breathing even seems difficult at times.

You will find that as time goes by, unfortunately lots of time, that you will begin to feel better. Don't sweat the little things right now, concentrate solely on yourself and your precious children.

If you have trusted family members or friends, lean on them. Take as much as support as possible, even just to give you a little down time to be by yourself.

anchor - 6 months out is a very devastating time for mourning. I feel your pain, I've lived and still live that sorrow. Please know it is temporary. Just when you cannot take it anymore you will switch away from the darkness into the light. You will see your way through and you will want to experience joy again.

It's so hard. My hope is that we learn to have more meaning in our lives after experienced the depths of despair from the A nightmare.

Try reading positive reconciliation stories or stories on SI where individuals are victorious.

Are you in IC at all?

Thank you everyone I generally am positive and strong but I can spiral down so hard some days. I know it is grieving and some PTSD. I can't seem to stop it sometimes.

I don't know anyone else that has been through this so I came to the forum.

Noname7....I identify with just wanting to die and go to heaven with the Lord and my dad. I also have a baby there. It is so hard to feel that you don't even want to be here anymore.

I am in IC. My H is doing everything the can. I have to admit that, but it doesn't change the past. It still hurts beyond words.

You are right, when I feel I don't matter it is based on my H's actions. You are right that I do matter to God. I think I really needed to be reminded of that today.

[This message edited by Jesusismyanchor at 7:08 PM, June 17th (Saturday)]

I'm taking advice: I just put on my red bathing suit that I feel good in. I'm headed to the pool with the 3 kids to take a break from this pain.

It does get better day by day. Take care of you and your children.

Some days I still wish I could die and go to heaven and the pain stop.

JIMA

You will die one day, I can guarantee that.

In due time it will come.

This pain will come and wash over and through you. You just need to "ride" it out. You still have to get up every morning and carry on.

No matter how much pain and fatigue, never forget, your kiddos NEED you. And they will need you for a long time.

I know the pain you are living with. And the spiral down in to rabbit hole of feeling like you mean nothing, that you are a big joke, and the grief and hurt in your core being leaves you wishing you could fall off the earth and cease to be, to have ever been, to wish you didn't have a soul because . . . your soul hurts, excruciatingly.. . . because its been stabbed, wounded by someone that was supposed to protect it.

That is all on him. He did this . . . to you.

Don't let him steal your thoughts anymore.

Focus on taking care of those kids and heal yourself. It is going to take years, slowly, with or without him -if he does not "get it" and become safe to be with.

Please be aware of depression. Very common for us BS's to get. After all, we just had our hearts ripped out and stomped on. Medication can help some. Don't discount that option.

These episodes of grief and despair will wash over and through you often for a long time but should become fewer and farther in-between in several years.

I am so sorry. I know how much it hurts.

You are right, it is very unfair.

[This message edited by shiloe at 10:05 PM, June 17th (Saturday)]

Maybe you need a break from your husband. He is, after all, the source of your pain.

[This message edited by thatbpguy at 10:16 PM, June 17th (Saturday)]

So happy to see you took the kids and went to the pool. You're an awesome lady. Thank you for letting us know that some more light came in.

I'm glad you got a break and did something for yourself and the kids. It's so important to find that time. 6 months out is a horrible time, and I remember feeling so lost and alone. I would have given anything for a hug from my mom (she died 4 months after dday)

Based on your user name, don't forget to find strength in your religion. You know you matter! Never forget, "I have called you by name you are mine."

Thank you everybody's. I am having a few really bad days surrounded by many triggers and just many things lining up to make this hard.

I am under so much pressure to know what to do for my kids. No matter what path I take it will be hard. There is no escaping that.

I am super sad today but not sorry that I exist. In fact, I have also been mad. I guess this is just the way it goes. The rollercoaster 🎢.

Thank you for the support I really needed.

Hold on, be patient! It does get better -

It is exhausting...

It is frustrating...

It is heartrending...

IT WILL PASS!

Between working on yourself, and the other four letter word (time) life will get easier as you go on. The 6 month mark is still rather raw.

On a day like today, do womething you like and make it stick - that long walk, reading a book, watching a movie... friends (so thankful for those).

God Bless and prayers!