SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It's not so much triggery for me, it's just that I don't know how much support I can truly be to so many of you that have it worse than I do. Most are married with kids and own homes and assets together. I was nowhere near that entrenched.

I'm afraid that my viewpoint may be too harsh for some that have actual marriages that want to try to salvage. Through all of this I've becomes steeled to the fact that you have to cut a cheater out of your life, go no contact, and get busy living. The 2x4's that I got smacked with around here really engrained this stance in me. You can forgive them, but that doesn't mean you have to keep them in your life. I can't imagine the pure hell it would be to try to reconcile, especially with someone that isn't exactly remorseful.

I'm afraid that my viewpoint may be too harsh for some that have actual marriages that want to try to salvage. Through all of this I've becomes steeled to the fact that you have to cut a cheater out of your life, go no contact, and get busy living. The 2x4's that I got smacked with around here really engrained this stance in me. You can forgive them, but that doesn't mean you have to keep them in your life. I can't imagine the pure hell it would be to try to reconcile, especially with someone that isn't exactly remorseful.

Not everyone here is married. Also, your last sentence would apply to everyone involved in infidelity.

Good to hear from you my friend. Glad you're on the other side.

Jack,

You will know the threads where you can make a meaningful or useful contribution. It's not just about how to deal with a wayward spouse or girlfriend, but about what we feel as we go through the experience of betrayal. What it makes us think, how it can dominate our thoughts, the things we have to struggle with. Your contributions will be as valid and valuable as anyone else's here, because you have done the hard yards. Like I say, you will know where and when your experiences will be relevant to something that has appeared in a thread.

None of us are experts, but we are all veterans. That's the point. You have solid experience that you can contribute, and that can help the people who keep appearing in 'Just Found Out', dazed, confused, and hurting. Just like you, just like everyone. But play it the way you feel it, jack. The main thing is that the forum helped you at a time that you needed it. If you can contribute back, that's a bonus, but it's not essential. The mantra here is about getting ourselves out of infidelity, but the real goal is to get ourselves back to a point where we can be happy. If you reach that point, and you never post in anyone else's thread, that is still a success, isn't it?

There's a funny thing about these forums. If they do their job, and they help someone reach the light at the end of the tunnel, the truest mark of success is that that person never feels the need to come back, because they are happy and out of fidelity. And yet people do come back, don't they? To throw their ideas and experiences into the pot, as and when they seem relevant. You will always be welcome here, jack, in whatever capacity, and if you want to help others, all credit to you. But if you want to move on and put your brush with infidelity behind you, that's fine too. Do what feels right to you. Like the best friendships there's no obligations, no demands. You finding happiness is what really matters.

stay strong brother. keep up the good fight. check in every so often so we at SI know you're alright.

what an awesome shitty club to be in, right, lol.

one day, you'll look back and think wtf were you thinking, and slap yourself on the head.

I would be lying if I said this was easy. I may be in a better place with it all right now, but I have some very low moments. I miss who I thought she was and the whole experience of our first year together. Reading and being able to share here helped me get over the hump so much. I've read too many horror stories of TT and the lies. Pineapple's story in particular convinced me that I didn't want any part of trying to patch things up with my ex, even if she wanted to. She sounded so much like his WS.

Do I still miss her? Yes, absolutely. However, the pain of that loss is diminishing daily. There is no way I could go back to that life. Thank you all for letting me vent tonight.

It has been a month since I last posted. I've had a lot of time to continue to work on myself and get into a better groove. For the most part I have done just that and it has now been 90 days of NC. However, this has been the worst week I have had since DDay.I have been at the bottom of a pit since Monday and have had to be extremely mindful of not contacting her. I have been trying to find every reason I can imagine to reach out. Even in IC this week I tried to reason why I should do it, citing scripture about reconciliation and forgiveness. My situation feels so trivial compared to what some are experiencing in their marriages. I don't know where it came form this week, but I am having a very difficult time being strong.

Reach out for what? No remorse.

She traded you in for a better paying checkbook.

Stay strong, man. You did the right thing and you are benefiting from it right now, it's just hard to see that.

That woman, despite any charms that she might have had, was gonna do nothing but drag you down. You deserve better than that. Don't give her the satisfaction of reaching out to her.

Really man, there is no reason for you to break the NC. You aren't married, don't have kids or any other obligations to her. You are lucky in a lot of ways.

Breaking NC will make you feel worse afterwards, it really will. Just think about the lies, and how you felt the day you found the Chiropractor banging your GF. Just think about how she felt having him banging away at her with no respect or decency for you and what you did for her and her little girl. She is a human piece of shit and you deserve better.

Thanks for checking in Jack, been thinking about you.

Stay strong.

Thanks for the 2x4 GoingCrazyNow. I needed it to keep me from doing something stupid by breaking NC.

Jack - You have done amazingly well through all of this.

I get being at the bottom of the pit. Perhaps you can do something just for you. A short road trip someplace you have never been, a volunteer opportunity at a local animal shelter, or homeless shelter. Something meaningful that is consuming.

Stay strong.

((((And Strength))))

jackfl, I realize the temptation. You have a history with this woman and she pooped all over you. I felt the same way when I left my x.

Just find something else to occupy your mind- go fight crime, come here, go for a walk/run....

It's tough. Be strong.

Dollars to donuts she want's to contact you much worse than you do, if you did it first she would "win" so keep that in mind if you get tempted again. Good chance 90 more days from now (6 month mark) she'll come fishing around, that seems to be the magic time mark for these things. Just be prepared for when it happens.

That's why I come here PBguy. I can only run so much and lift so many weights. SI is my fall back plan when I know I'm about to crack. You all are so awesome! Thanks Dobby and Tushy as well!

Hey jack

It was good to see you back.

We were sort of contemporaries through the journey. My first post was just 2 weeks after your's.

I was so enmeshed in dealing with my own nightmare that I was not in a place to post on anyone else's thread but there was strange comfort in reading in your thread and knowing that I was not alone.

I was particularly pleased to see your post that said that you were doing well and then concerned when it seemed that you might falter.

That is why I stay quite active on here. This is the best support a chap could wish for.

Anyway, I am doing far better than I ever could have imagined.

I hope that that is just around the corner for you

All the best

OhFor

The best tonic for this woe is me pain shopping is to get back on the saddle and date. Life moves on, go and date, have fun, enjoy women's company.

What you call the bottom of the pit or whatever is natural but no doubt you know how absolutely stupid it would be to contact her, not only because a) You would feel worse afterwards and reset all the healing you've done but b) She would probably get an ego boost as well as lose what little respect she may even have for you "After all this time he still thinks about me etc etc"

This is the ultimate revenge, she gets to play no further part in your life, not as a friend not as anything, total exclusion is the way to go.

After 90 days NC you have to be like 95% disconnected from her. That means right now you might be doing something that lots of guys do in your situation: they begin to remember only the good stuff. They begin to have feelings of love for her that they never felt when they were together but now eat away at them. I hope that just knowing your mind is having a flash-back based on bullshit will help get you through this...

ISurvived- That is exactly where I am and feeling. It is certainly eerie how all of stories seem to follow the same trajectory. Great insight. Thanks for the nudge.

Oh and Tren0? I am addressing that very tonic you speak of beginning this weekend. Thanks bro!

Duplicate post.

[This message edited by jackfl at 4:27 PM, October 27th (Friday)]