SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I just wanted to thank everyone for their ongoing support. However, I am faltering and am pretty sure I am going to fail and break NC this weekend. It doesn’t matter that I have dates planned with two separate ladies this weekend that totally eclipse D,(her first initial.)I’m on the struggle bus and my will to resist is about nil. The hell is wrong with me???

Pack you car and go camping. Somewhere where your cell phone can't pick up signal.

Let me repeat:

I hope that just knowing your mind is having a flash-back based on bullshit will help get you through this...

You CAN maintain NC!

Knowing what this woman has done to you, I have to ask you, why would you have any desire to reach out to her?

I can't explain my desire to reach out to her other than to do what I always do, which is to fix things that are broken. Co-d as hell, and I know it. There in lies the struggle for me. In her actions, my efforts to save her and to be the good man she needed, were defeated. I don't accept defeat or failure easily, to my own detriment. Thank you for asking. It has caused me to look inside once again and ask myself "what the hell are you thinking?"

I understand not liking to lose. I'm that way too. So, in your mind, breaking up and losing the relationship means you lose. How about thinking another way, your wife cheats on you, and you go back on your knees to accept her back. does that make you feel like a winner? It shouldn't.

it's one thing if she's truly remorseful. But you indicate she isn't. So if she isn't remorseful, you accepting her back means you're ok with being a cuckhold once in a while. Does that make you feel like a winner?

not trying to insult you. just trying to get you to use your head. if she's remorseful and you still love her, then by all means reconcile. just don't go back to more shit. that's not being a winner.

good luck friend.

I don't accept defeat or failure easily, to my own detriment.

But you are accepting failure. This relationship is a failure. She's a failure. Life going forward with her in your life will be accepting everything broken and doomed to fail.

But you willing embrace it.

Don't have a hero complex because she doesn't need saving. She's living her life just fine, it's you that is struggling. So if you don't accept defeat or failure then why do you accept it for yourself?

Jack you have mentioned numerous times how much you love her little girl. How much of what you're feeling (wanting to save/fix your ex) could really be about wanting to save this little innocent child?

That maybe your ex can't be fixed, but with you around to help raise her daughter, that maybe this little girl has a better chance of growing up and not being broken like her mother? Do you feel like you've abandoned this child, and that by leaving you're feeling guilty?

The whole situation sucks, and you obviously are having to deal with the grief of not having this little girl in your life as well.

Hopefully you'll continue to get the help to sort all of these thoughts/emotions out.

Anytime you think about reaching out to your ex just go back and read your thread.

The longer you stay NC things will get easier.

Good luck to you and hope you have a good weekend.

Jack, your relationship with that woman is not broken, it is over. Digging up that body won't make it alive again.

Do you want to fix someone? You are damaged. Work on fixing yourself. You are a worthwhile and perhaps challenging project for your own attention.

There is no remorse. Just as antlered has said, there is nothing. It is dead and buried and I am trying to bargain a way out of its death. I did what I needed to do this weekend and got myself busy with other things, and people. Nothing racy, but I did enjoy some time with a nice young lady last night.

My faith keeps pulling me back to the forgiveness and reconciliation thoughts, and that is a dangerous pitfall for me. I have lunch with my pastor this week to help me work through these thoughts and feelings. Thanks again for all the support everyone.

Jack,

How can we help you if you don't help yourself ?

Man you got dumped for a better paying checkbook and you desire to go back for more?

You need some IC. You are not thinking straight.

You weren't married and they aren't your family.

Why do you feel you are so hard up to accept this type of behavior from anyone?

I agree with Marz. Great post

All of this is hitting the mark guys. The last thing I expected was to have a relapse in any of these old feelings. I did not act on them, nor have I broken NC. I don't intend to. I came here instead to vent it out.

Just to be clear, that low life quack didn't even sniff what I make and my level of provision. I've come a long way in life given my very meager beginnings so I am very proud of that fact. That's part of the slap. She affaired wayyyy down. Water under the bridge now. Thanks for the candor. I'm done.

Hey man, I want you to know that I am a codependent too. I am familiar with the anxiety that comes with wanting to go to her and fix her.

The best thing I can tell you is that this stops when you want it to, and not sooner.

Thank for that update Jack

I did not act on them, nor have I broken NC. I don't intend to. I came here instead to vent it out.

You know that there was some terrified sitting on the edge of our seats here this weekend, just hoping that your resolve would hold.

Always best to turn to the SI buddies when one feels week or vulnerable

So glad it did.

Damn, double post. And this time I cant even blame the phone

[This message edited by ohforanewme at 1:04 PM, October 30th (Monday)]

Thanks for the encouragement oh4. My resolve did hold and I'm the stronger for it. Appreciate all my buds here (and their 2x4's!)

A woman as cold and unfeeling as your ex doesn't deserve a second chance. Keep coming here when you get the urge to relapse.

Jack I hear you that faith teaches forgiveness and I agree. But that does not mean that forgiveness and reconciliation are the same thing.

Faith does not teach you to grab the stove again after being burned. Faith tells you to accept what has happened to you and to move on with your life and not be obsessed with revenge. You can definitely forgive a person for hurting you without placing yourself in a position to be hurt again.

You are using your faith to talk yourself into breaking NC. Wake up! Pray for XGF and her daughter, but do not try to rationalize that you are her salvation.