SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I just read an article that said that single women are more attracted to men with wedding rings on. What in the actual hell? I have seriously lost all faith in humanity and it's probably one of the biggest losses I feel. I see people as inherently bad. It's hard not to see the world as a horrible dark place when you assume everyone you see on the street is a selfish lying asshole. I actually think restoring my faith in people is more important than fixing my marriage because otherwise, I'll just be bitter and angry regardless of where I am. Anyone seen Into the Wild? I can completely see the appeal of that. If you read an article about a crazy women who got eaten by a bear after abandoning society to love alone in the wilderness, that'll be me.

First let me say that you are not the first to think this. I have had times when I questioned humanity. But let me ask you- Are you a good person? When you think of yourself, are you the type of person who you imagine humanity to look like? If yes, than humanity isn't lost. It isn't lost because you aren't the last person with good in their heart left. In this world there are lots of people with low integrity, but integrity still exists. Also as much as it seems to make sense to categorize people as "good" and "bad", many good people make bad choices. Sometimes When they correct their choices and make amends is when the most humanity can be witnessed.

Don't lose faith in humanity. Hang in there.

I'm not R so not sure if I should reply.

Yes, I have lost all faith in humanity. All I want is to run away and disappear. Spend my days with animals. I think if I didn't have a young DD I would do just that.

W3IRZ - I agree with you that people aren't all good or all bad but just can't actually see that right now. And it's not just infidelity which is bad enough. But it's the every day nastiness that goes on, the backstabbing that goes on at work or at the kids' school. It's the horror going on around the world. People are just kind of terrible.

And to answer your question, do I think I'm a good person? Not really. I'm too full of anger and bitterness to be a very good mother or friend or wife. And have caused my own share of hurt and misery.

I'm with you VR. and it has nothing to do with why we're on this site. I've been around long enough and worked and know enough people to learn that most people look out for themselves. and if you happen to accomplish something great, they're actually a little jealous. or if you're different in some way, they're suspect of you.

i work with someone who is supposed to be in charge of coraling the mean girls. she's one herself. there are now more people like her at my job then not. i just don't get it.

Lost faith in humanity? Well, yes, I actually lost faith in all women and allthough nothing of it applies to my wife it's still a huge hindrance for me, for us. However, this is more than just the cheating. The infidelity only opened a can of worms, a pandora's box. I mentioned this in a few of my previous posts. I know that if nothing changes, so yes, the reconciliation is probably doomed no matter what she does.

As to men, recently it started to happen with them too. There are some men that I can't stand but there are some that I can still respect. So, yes, practically lost faith in almost everyone. And even pondered going my own way. It is definitely still on the table. However, I do not believe that humanity is inherently bad. The bad stuff is more conditioning, a kind of a second nature, not the true one - whether you are male or female. People can change. Yet, how many can really change? I mean really change? A true change? It definitely happens but in my opinion their number is not as high as our wishful thinking may try to persuade us. I'm still struggling with this.

I wonder if the appeal of married men to some is that they're perceived as having been "vetted" as good partner material? As in their appeal is to women looking to go straight to the "prince" without kissing a few frogs? Lazy, rotten bitches.

That's all I've got, VR. It angers me, too. BUT in your scenario, I think the bear has more to fear from YOU, fierce one, than you of it

Lazy, rotten bitches.

I don't feel like I laugh a lot anymore and this cracked me up. Thanks for that!

No, I haven't lost faith in humanity. It caused me to question some things I thought to be true. I have encountered so many angels on earth. My family has been wonderful. My friends have shown great kindness to me.

During those first four months, I had random people approach me. One saying, I can tell you are hurting, let's pray together. It was a day I was getting grocery items at Walmart. Another was a man that I bought a dresser from off of Craigslist. He was a Family therapist and maybe he just saw the looks on our faces...I don't know. There have been several examples of random kindness towards me.

I have felt and seen people's kindness during this year.

However, I have always believed there is suffering on this planet. People can justify their evil.

If you seek out inhumanity, there is plenty of it to find. If you look for the good, there is more than plenty of it.

Every single morning, the children and I pray..."allow us to use our gifts to be a light in this world"

[This message edited by Iwantmyglasses at 7:36 AM, April 15th (Saturday)]

Have I lost faith in humanity? Not exactly.

Have I become cynical of relationships? You bet.

New love, long marriages....back in the day those things would warm my heart and make me smile.

These days - not so much. I always assume cheating *was*, *is*, or *will be* in a relationship.

I haven't lost faith in humanity, although I'd say my expectations have been adjusted a bit.

Actually, this place here has restored a lot of my faith in other humans.

Here we are in some of the absolute worst pain, worst moments in life and yet other kind souls are sharing their time and their care to try and comfort one another. And to look out for each other. Or to find a laugh or some hope when there is so little of both to go around.

Infidelity is far too common in the world and way too many folks out there completely willing to do harm to others. But when it does goes wrong, I'm amazed at the kindness on the other side of this special Hell.

Humanity certainly needs to work on itself; our constant focus on short term gain has pushed well beyond basic, selfish, survival needs. I think our forum here allows us all a chance to step back see the bigger picture and for us to discover what is truly important as we move forward, however we decide.

I am shocked how my mindset has gone from: I really like people, I want to reach out and help those in need to....I think most people are selfish, lying jerks.

I want nothing to do with them.

I was outgoing, friendly, positive and helpful.

Now I don't want anything to do with anyone besides my own kids/grandkids.

It's actually kind of shocking. I do wonder if I can ever be who I was before (4 weeks since Dday).

Initially VR I was going to say , yes, I agree. Totally lost faith. But not because of my W's past infidelity. Because of so much infidelity in the world and so much deception and cheating and bad faith in the business world and media -- basically so much constantly happening that is just wrong. Topped and colored by my very recent experience of a person who was supposedly a good friend and business partner in the truest sense of the word totally betraying me.

And then I read the post by Old Wounds. And he is totally, absolutely on target. 100%. Thank you Old Wounds for reminding me of all that is good with humanity and forcing me to acknowledge all the good people on SI and in the world, including my other partners who are good, solid people.

Readjustment in thinking now underway and attitude adjustment in progress!

Yes

I have never been much of a people person, but this....omg I just don't know how to move forward. I am so depressed. I worry about the effect this will have on my children most of all. I can deal with my own unhappiness, but as a mother it kills me to have them have to deal with this. All my life I have tried to create this safe haven for them. I have raised them to understand that people are inherently good but to be cautious , and that the world can be a difficult place at times. But they always know where they are safe, and that their parents are here for them no matter what....and then WH just took off a few days after christmas. Our safe haven no more. Shock, disbelief. If the man I trusted so completely, could do this to his family.....I don't know. I have really been struggling this week. I come here and read. I can't say it makes me feel hopeful....just this morning there is a poor woman who's husband cheated again after 6 years in Just Found Out....It shakes me, rips my heart out. I wish we had a chat room, or local support groups. I feel the only people who truly understand are others who have felt this pain, who feel this pain from the second they wake up and every second thereafter

[This message edited by Lucidiylost at 9:18 AM, April 15th (Saturday)]

I haven't lost faith but I no longer wear my rose coloured glasses. 2012 held MANY betrayals for me - no just my H but my employer and coworkers as well.

I had to change schools during my dday period - I've had 2 schools since then and I don't cultivate personal relationships - I used to be the life of the staff room organizing after school drinks - not anymore. I do my job...I love my students but I've lost trust in many adults. Takes me a long time to trust and let them in.

Have you lost faith in humanity?

If you at all a student of history, both the more remote history of books and movies, and the near history of watching the people around you, then you really have to wonder how we could ever have that faith in "humanity" in the first place. Humanity I assume meaning some vague, good and pure thing.

Better to use Kant's usage of humanity, as in "the crooked timber of humanity". We are what we are, this jumbled up mix of things with pretty much infinite capacity for courage and cowardice. This is the truth, written in thousands of years of history of human behavior, and if it hurts to hear and see this truth, well then so much more distorted were the rose-colored glasses you had on before.

There are families in North Korea where children are born, live, and die in concentration camps. What do you think is their norm end view of humanity, and what would they think of our world? Maybe not so bad?

I can't control the other 4 billion people on the planet, I can only control myself, and maybe influence some others. When I do good, I feel good.

...do I think I'm a good person? Not really. I'm too full of anger and bitterness to be a very good mother or friend or wife. And have caused my own share of hurt and misery.

Oh... really? Keep telling yourself that, VR, and you know damned well where it's going to lead you. I'm not even going to debate with you whether or not you're a good person. I know that I wouldn't have bothered responding to so many of your posts if I thought or believed you weren't a good person. Never once, in nearly a year and a half, have I ever thought of you as too full of anger or bitterness. Why do I have the sneaky suspicion that this is something your H said to you?

Is it your faith in humanity that you've lost, or faith in yourself?

Yes.

VirginiaRegret - As a man thinkest in his heart, so he is. Based on what I've seen you write here, you are a good person. I refuse to believe otherwise. You don't live you life intentionally trying to hurt others.

I still believe that there are moe good people than bad people.

[This message edited by northeasternarea at 4:22 PM, April 15th (Saturday)]