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Newest Member: Mwords350

New Beginnings :
Postive New Beginning Stories!

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golden girl ( member #6026) posted at 11:41 AM on Monday, July 23rd, 2018

I stayed with my H after his affair, but I have a new beginning. My H died after a long illness and I am living alone for the first time in my 83 year life. I'm lonely sometimes, but on the whole, I'm OK. The only time I miss my H is when I want to share some news---like a classmate's death or a new greatgrandchild on the way. Somedays he doesn't cross my mind.

posts: 1026   ·   registered: Dec. 14th, 2004   ·   location: CO
id 8212941
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sobbinginfla ( new member #36757) posted at 2:06 PM on Thursday, August 23rd, 2018

It has been a long time since I have visited this site. I remember when I found this site and reading all the stories. The hurt and pain was at times unbearable. Fast forward to today. THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL IS UNBELIEVABLY BRIGHT!

I just want to let all people know who are suffering and hurting right now, you will be fine. Is it easy, no. Will you live the same as you have for years, no. Financially, will you be in a pinch, yes. Will you come through, yes! It will all be fine, because for the first time in many years YOU will be in control of ALL aspects of your life. And it will feel absolutely AMAZING!!!!

So hang in there. Be tough. Work on you. Baby steps. You will be happier and healthier in the end. But you will be free from that particular stress. And you will ENJOY your life! Oh yes, I am not sobbing in Florida anymore!

FYI.....I was in court 9 days from my 40th wedding anniversary. And I was happy after 8 years of total bullshit to be in this court. Freedom is wonderful. Enjoy your lives! Much luv to all.

[This message edited by sobbinginfla at 8:09 AM, August 23rd (Thursday)]

posts: 5   ·   registered: Sep. 8th, 2012
id 8234653
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Lb3putt ( new member #66097) posted at 5:33 AM on Thursday, September 6th, 2018

I have been married 54 years and my husband decides he wants a girly...he’s 80...whaaaaat...yep 80. I’m 79 years young and now what I suppose to do....men do not want a 79 year old woman....but I’m not really old....no divorce is going to happen....he has a business and he’s afraid I will half of it....I do t. Are about a divorce and I DO NOT WANT HIM BACK!!!!

posts: 1   ·   registered: Sep. 6th, 2018   ·   location: Texas
id 8242678
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Lovingmyselfmore ( member #46119) posted at 6:48 AM on Sunday, September 30th, 2018

Another one:

https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=628749

dday: september-12-2014
Me: 42 EX: 46 gay or bisexual (go figure!) together: 12 years
Dday to 3 months: suicidal 1 year after: huge depression- 1.5 years still kind of depressed-Took me 2.5 years to be kind of happy again

posts: 1076   ·   registered: Dec. 29th, 2014
id 8257194
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TrustGone ( member #36654) posted at 6:49 PM on Tuesday, October 9th, 2018

I just wanted to share my positive story for those who are still unsure and hurting. So here goes....

I met XWH#2 while in a divorce from XWH#1. I thought he was the sweetest man I had ever met. He called me Princess and treated me like one. I had never heard about love bombing, but that's exactly what it was. I thought we had a great marriage, we never fought, were OK financially, and told each other we loved each other daily. I was crushed when I found out about his LTA. We spent 3yrs in false R before I finally kicked him to the curb. I was sick with a failing liver through no fault of my own when the final DDay happened and he assaulted me. I had to sell my house/land after being there for 18yrs. We had built a house on my land and tied it all together. I was forced to sell it all and move into a tiny apartment due to my disability. XWH#2 was never there for me when I was sick due to my failing liver and lied to his family about why I was sick and what caused the failing liver.

Now for the positive new beginning story.... I was able to purchase some land and a house in another town after a year living in the apartment. Right before I moved, I met a man on OLD. He was nice, but not a love bomber. After dating for 2yrs, we got married. He has a wonderful job and was my rock during my recent liver transplant. He likes that I am now a SAHM to our two fur babies and doesn't want me to go back to work. This was what I always dreamed my life to be while married to two different WH's. I am now happy again and feel that I have been blessed after so much pain from my past.

It does get easier. You can find a new person who is authentic and loving if you look hard enough. You can be happy again. I am proof of "what doesn't kill you, will make you stronger". I hope that someday you can also find a new positive beginning. (((HUGS)))

XWH#2-No longer my monkey Divorced 8/15, Now married to a wonderful man.
"A person is either an asset or a lesson"
"Changing who you are with does not change who you are"

posts: 10077   ·   registered: Aug. 30th, 2012   ·   location: Texas
id 8263363
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99problems ( member #59373) posted at 5:28 PM on Saturday, July 25th, 2020

I look forward to the day when I can post a real positive story. But I'll put a few positive things here.

1. I am allowed to have friends again. And after disappearing for 13 years I'm pleasantly surprised that I still have friends. They have given me support that I didn't believe I would receive. I am grateful and humbled by them.

2. I no longer have to live in a marriage with no sex. I'm not actually having sex, but I don't have to live with the person who shunned me and degraded me any more.

3. I don't have to live in a house with annoying, trite signs saying stupid shit like "love" and "home is where the heart is" anymore. I don't want to live in a bed bath and beyond.

4. I get to have a dog.

5. I'm not the "go get me my coke/booze/prescription/whatever I suddenly crave" slave anymore.

6. My laundry is clean, folded, and put away. Not thrown into a giant pile of clothes. I also don't have to live in a outfit hoarders den any more. The woman bought an outfit from the goodwill that she had donated!!! Not making this up. Every closet in the house was packed with her clothes.

6. I don't have to live her lies anymore. She lives a lie 24 hours a day. The most inane shit.

7. I never have to spend a perfectly good Saturday at the mother in law's house ever again.

8. Don't have to listen to her snore while I try to sleep. Don't have to worry if she's gonna fall down the stairs while she's blacked out nightly on Ambien and rum. Not my problem.

9. Don't have to listen to her whine about her life constantly, always a victim. Always.

I can't wait to add to this list. 😀

Got me a new forum name!<BR />Formerly Idiotmcstupid.<BR />I am divorced, so not as much of an idiot now- 4/15/21,

posts: 1008   ·   registered: Jun. 26th, 2017   ·   location: Colorado
id 8566467
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BoardPearl ( member #25463) posted at 10:48 PM on Friday, September 11th, 2020

This is an update:

I've been living with SO for a year, and life has been treating me well. All is good. We have been together for almost 10 years, but didn't move in together until last year.

11 years ago I was at my lowest point ever. But ever since then, life has become better and better. My sons are adults and are doing well. They suffered as teenagers through the divorce.

When life becomes difficult, you should see it as an opportunity to keep going strong! You are special and need to know this. It will get better.

[This message edited by BoardPearl at 4:53 PM, September 11th (Friday)]

posts: 1207   ·   registered: Sep. 7th, 2009   ·   location: Europe
id 8586576
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Gemini71 ( member #40115) posted at 4:22 PM on Sunday, November 8th, 2020

It's been 7 years since D-Day, 6 years since D was final. I finally feel like I've come out the other side. I love/hated XWH for a long time and resented his NW. But now, he finally just somebody that I used to know! If you're going through the pain of infidelity, you know how big that is.

I'm finally free. There is no SO in my life. I'm not looking for one, but I wouldn't object to an SO showing up. But for now I'm looking forward to being a crazy cat lady.

DSs 21, 16, 12
About my Ex:
IDK
IDC
IDGAF

Double Betrayal D-Day 7/26/2013
Divorced 11/18/2014

posts: 3406   ·   registered: Jul. 30th, 2013   ·   location: Illinois, USA
id 8606710
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demolishedinside ( member #47839) posted at 2:25 PM on Wednesday, December 30th, 2020

It feels surreal to say that after all I’ve been through, I now feel joy. I know of at least three affairs, but I’m sure there were more. The last was after I’d quit my job and moved states away. I had no job. No insurance. No way to support myself or my kids if I left him. I was destroyed. Then , things got worst. I wrecked my car. No job means I can’t get another car. I felt trapped and literally wanted to die.

Somehow, I dig deep. I got angry. I did things I had to do to bring my kids home. I got a new job...and yes, I had to live with him for a year so I could save for the D.

Here’s the thing, I now am the happiest I remember being. I have peace. I’m in control of my life. My kids are adjusting. I’ve met a man who makes me smile and I trust him. Wow. Never ever thought I’d say that. Life is good again and I’d never go back.

BS - me/3 kids
DD - April 2015 / SA-Jan. 28, 2017
DD2- October 23, 2018
Divorced and happy

posts: 2069   ·   registered: May. 11th, 2015
id 8620690
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twicefooled ( member #42976) posted at 2:25 PM on Sunday, September 19th, 2021

I'm into my 8th year post Dday2, when I finally left with our 2 children (who were between the ages of 5 and 9 at the time). We were together for 16yrs, married for 11 at the time we left.

He became an addict (started with cocaine and alcohol, graduated to anything and everything after we left) the year our youngest was born. As with most addiction in families, there were times of sobriety in between times of active addiction. He would get clean long enough for me to trust, then slide back again. No infidelity at that time, that I'm aware of.

The infidelity started when we moved to a new city (for a fresh start). He had developed mental health issues from the substance abuse, and I was in it for sickness and health (unhealthy, but I didn't know what else to do).

Then I busted him with OW1. Kicked him out, he was gone for 6 months. I listened to his sob story about his mental health affecting his decisions. He used my loyalty against me and I allowed him back in the house because I wanted to save my marriage.

That lasted 6 months. Caught him again. This time, something was different for me. All those previous years of his mental health and addiction issues played into my own codepedent issues. He always told me he didn't know what he would do without me. And I believed him. But him CHOOSING to FUCK other women (twice) made me realize that it wasn't ME he needed. He just needed ANY woman.

I told him we were leaving. He threatened to kill himself. Then he ran into our basement (where he had been staying since I kicked him out previously) and locked the door behind him. I left the house with the kiddos and went to the neighbours. I called 911 from there. Police show up, I tell them what's going on and they go to check on him. The police come out about 20 minutes later, saying that my then husband was fine and he wasn't a danger to himself or others so they had no choice to but to leave him at home with us. The female police officer pulled me aside and said she wouldn't tell me what to do, but people like him that can wind people up and then present themselves as perfectly calm to authority are the scary ones that can't be trusted. She asked if I really wanted to raise the kids in this kind of an environment, where their dad was so far over the edge that trying to kill himself with the kids in the house was a good decision and yet he STILL refused treatment?

The kids and I never moved back into our house. The neighbours let us stay there (our kids went to school together so it was like a big sleepover, which I will forever be grateful to). Every day after work I looked for an apartment for the kiddos and I (needed to be in the school district so my options weren't plentiful) and I got lucky and found one down the street from the school.

The kids and I lived in a 2bedroom apartment for 4yrs while I worked on my career and money opportunities.

Now we live in a good sized house with room for all of us. I have an amazing career. I run a business on the side, because I'm still their only parent raising them. Their dad is still an active addict (I'm surprised he is still alive because now it's meth and opiodes and fentenyl).

I have a wonderful boyfriend (just celebrated one year). We won't be blending our families (his ex wife has similar issues to my ex husband). Our kiddos have been through enough. But we do a lot of family stuff together that they enjoy.

There is life after infidelity. There is also life after addiction. I just wish I had left sooner than I did. But life is now wonderful.

May 29 2021 ***reclaimed myself and decided to delete my story with my ex because I'm now 7 years free from him and mentally healthier than I've been in years.

*********When you know better, you can do better*************

posts: 430   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2014
id 8689249
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Simplicity ( member #60501) posted at 4:00 PM on Tuesday, December 21st, 2021

It is a little sad to see that people so seldom post here, and I've always been afraid to post here as well. I didn't want to post for any trivial thing. Quick backstory: In my last year of residency, and as I had accepted fellowships to amazing medical specialties, he started his first job as an attending physician, and I was in the midst of infertility treatments to try to start our family, X decided he just wasn't in love with me anymore and was in love with this therapist he met at work. I still remember the first time I had EVER suspected him of cheating on me, because I NEVER felt suspicion in my life. It was when he went to the city for a medical conference, and he said he would stay in the city because he drank too much and was staying with a colleague. It turned out, that while that story WAS true, he had already started his journey of limerence with the other woman. About two months later, when I asked if he would help me with some hormone injection, he broke down and confessed his feelings, and that while he had not yet slept with her, they were in love, and we were not, and he said he had only married me because he felt obliged, not out of love. I can't believe I actually believed that. I was so lucky to find this SI. It had really helped me hold it together sometimes. I tried very hard to stay with him and try to make it work. A relationship take two people. No matter how much you want it to work, if the other side stops caring, it is doomed. So I filed for divorce, and worked hard to get the most favorable settlement possible. Out of sheer luck I was able to get a nice settlement, and I finished my fellowships, and moved on.

It's still hard, because, while I rarely think about it anymore, when I do, there is still pain. My whole family felt pain, they had really adopted him in, and gave him everything as if he were blood. They helped him when he had trouble with his own residency program, took him in before we were married so he had a place nearby while he worked on getting another residency program, and finish his step exams. It affected them greatly, too, and I noticed we are now more careful whenever anyone in our family brings in a new partner. I realize there is no way he could ever repay me, but at least I could recoup my alimony, and I could be grateful that I did not share children with him, and that helped to sever that bond. The first thing I did was block his phone number and delete his contact from my phone (along with all his family). Then I scrubbed my social media of him (that was difficult). I threw out items that represented us, including all wedding mementos. The last thing I did was sell my engagement ring and wedding rings (he left his with me, which meant it was now mine to sell).

I still have a few years of alimony left, and it has served me well. The first alimony checks I sent straight to domestic abuse charities. Affairs of this nature are often portrayed as romantic, or a joke, but really, it is an abuse of trust and love, and an abuse of the relationship. It isn't classified as a form of domestic abuse, but maybe it should be. Eventually, I met someone who treats me well and I get along with fantastically. I kept him at arm's length for a long time, most probably because of my experience. However, I finally let him in, and we are now engaged. Although I have lost a lot of faith in humanity, I still have hope, and I am looking forward to blooming my relationship with this new person.

Most of all, I have to be very thankful to the support and guidance of everyone and everything around me. No matter how bad a situation is, it can always be worse, and a network of resources (while financial is great, human is most valuable, also don't forget the power of pets) has been priceless. I hope more people will be posting in this section, and more frequently.

posts: 1259   ·   registered: Sep. 5th, 2017   ·   location: USA
id 8705298
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