It is a little sad to see that people so seldom post here, and I've always been afraid to post here as well. I didn't want to post for any trivial thing. Quick backstory: In my last year of residency, and as I had accepted fellowships to amazing medical specialties, he started his first job as an attending physician, and I was in the midst of infertility treatments to try to start our family, X decided he just wasn't in love with me anymore and was in love with this therapist he met at work. I still remember the first time I had EVER suspected him of cheating on me, because I NEVER felt suspicion in my life. It was when he went to the city for a medical conference, and he said he would stay in the city because he drank too much and was staying with a colleague. It turned out, that while that story WAS true, he had already started his journey of limerence with the other woman. About two months later, when I asked if he would help me with some hormone injection, he broke down and confessed his feelings, and that while he had not yet slept with her, they were in love, and we were not, and he said he had only married me because he felt obliged, not out of love. I can't believe I actually believed that. I was so lucky to find this SI. It had really helped me hold it together sometimes. I tried very hard to stay with him and try to make it work. A relationship take two people. No matter how much you want it to work, if the other side stops caring, it is doomed. So I filed for divorce, and worked hard to get the most favorable settlement possible. Out of sheer luck I was able to get a nice settlement, and I finished my fellowships, and moved on.
It's still hard, because, while I rarely think about it anymore, when I do, there is still pain. My whole family felt pain, they had really adopted him in, and gave him everything as if he were blood. They helped him when he had trouble with his own residency program, took him in before we were married so he had a place nearby while he worked on getting another residency program, and finish his step exams. It affected them greatly, too, and I noticed we are now more careful whenever anyone in our family brings in a new partner. I realize there is no way he could ever repay me, but at least I could recoup my alimony, and I could be grateful that I did not share children with him, and that helped to sever that bond. The first thing I did was block his phone number and delete his contact from my phone (along with all his family). Then I scrubbed my social media of him (that was difficult). I threw out items that represented us, including all wedding mementos. The last thing I did was sell my engagement ring and wedding rings (he left his with me, which meant it was now mine to sell).
I still have a few years of alimony left, and it has served me well. The first alimony checks I sent straight to domestic abuse charities. Affairs of this nature are often portrayed as romantic, or a joke, but really, it is an abuse of trust and love, and an abuse of the relationship. It isn't classified as a form of domestic abuse, but maybe it should be. Eventually, I met someone who treats me well and I get along with fantastically. I kept him at arm's length for a long time, most probably because of my experience. However, I finally let him in, and we are now engaged. Although I have lost a lot of faith in humanity, I still have hope, and I am looking forward to blooming my relationship with this new person.
Most of all, I have to be very thankful to the support and guidance of everyone and everything around me. No matter how bad a situation is, it can always be worse, and a network of resources (while financial is great, human is most valuable, also don't forget the power of pets) has been priceless. I hope more people will be posting in this section, and more frequently.