I agree, there's not been much activity on this thread for a while, but hope that I can help by posting.
I'm sorry that you went down the path of an A and pleased that you were able to stop it, and realise how important your relationship was. It wouldn't have been easy to tell your BH.
For me, I'm the WS, and after three online A's (well the first two chatting to women I can't even remember the names of) and the third being in touch with someone, with the view to meet, but we never did (at the point I got caught.), and my BS tried to kill herself.
Anyway, DDay for the third A is about four months ago now, and I'm still living in a separate house, but we are starting to get on very well. Some great family days out together, and she said just last week that she said that the pain no longer felt as raw, but it was the hurt she still felt which was stopping her from moving forward with us. I was also pleased that she said that there was still love between us. She is also "stalling" the D at the moment.
Remind back to July however and I came across some mens clothing in our / her bedroom, next to a gift bag that had lots of nice lingerie that I hadn't seen before. Granted I shouldn't have been looking around but it was important that I saw this.
I told her dad and he asked her what was going on, and then I received this long text from her dad (looked like it had been written by the BS) with a pathetic excuse about why the clothes were there, which I didn't believe.
We rugswept the issue and carried on with our daily friendly text messages, but rarely about our feelings, which wasn't healthy.
I have noticed the odd time when I've been to the house that she would hide her phone away from me, and that the message notifications on her iphone no longer pop up. Again, I've not brought that up and continued to be friendly.
On Saturday I popped around to the house when they weren't in (not to look around) but to drop something off for my sons birthday to find that there was a key in the front door (they had left the house out the back.) which I thought was odd. I approached my BS over text who accused me of invading her privacy, and that I had been looking around the bedroom again when I had stayed over the other night (I stayed over to break the journey on where I had to go the next day, as opposed to sleeping with her.)
After a messy time during my sons birthday where I kept digging at my BS over many things linked to this RA "assumption" (given I don't have any firm facts) and with her parents, we ended up in a huge argument where I accused her of cheating on me after she accused me on the same. She walked out the house at that point.
To cut a long story short I went back during the day to find the house still locked (even though her mum had said a complete lie about our children playing out the back at the time hence why it was locked.) When they all turned back up at the house I was able to have a chat to her dad, who can be very supportive and would like to see us back together.
He said that my BS thought that I had been looking around her room and came across something she had bought for "somebody", but was "now taking it back". I assured her dad that I hadn't, and its possible that our sons had been looking around the room, and pulled this parcel or whatever it was apart.
There was also something I noticed in that her parents stayed over the night before, in our / her bed, but the guest room bed hadn't been used since I made it, so where had my BS slept that night? There was no cushions downstairs next to the sofa, or anywhere I could see. It was always the guest room she would use if she wanted to sleep in a different room. All a bit odd, particularly as she had been shopping all day, and would have been tired. She made a particular reference to there being a late takeaway that same night - was this a lie or me just going crazy with my thoughts?
This has obviously led me to wonder what the heck is still going on?! My mind has been in complete overdrive and I'm arranging a session with my IC to go through it all.
I woke up this morning to a friendly text from my BS which I appreciated. After my actions yesterday, I'd understand her not being in touch, and we've text all morning (again, not talking about our feelings; just making some plans to go out with our children somewhere together tomorrow as a family.) She has asked in particular that we only talk about the children tomorrow, and nothing else.
I'm left wondering what I should do, and if there is actually still someone on the scene. Whatever she has bought might have been for months ago and just hasn't had time to return it, or it could be recent.
I do honestly still think that my BS would get back together, but because she is so mixed up, she's bouncing between both of the cakes.
Initially I'm going to try to speak to her to find out where we are at, but then to dig deeper into who this is. If she wants to continue, I'm filing for D now, not later. I can understand that she wants to get her own back or whatever, but it has to come out in the open than be hidden away, as its only making my mental health worse.
Any advice you can provide would be much appreciated.
[This message edited by Hopeful16 at 9:54 AM, September 5th (Monday)]