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Fear vs. reality

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ButterflyGirl posted 10/27/2014 13:23 PM

Fear: I'd never get to talk to her again.
Reality: I never have to talk to her again!!!!

kg201 posted 10/27/2014 14:47 PM

Fear: the community will think that I am an asshole for divorcing a terminally ill cancer patient.

Reality: I don't give a crap about what anyone thinks of me. I can live with myself knowing I did everything I could to support her through her cancer and still got shit on.

phmh posted 11/16/2014 18:18 PM

Bumping up.

nowiknow23 posted 11/19/2014 16:36 PM

Bump.

HoldOnHope posted 11/19/2014 22:37 PM

Thank you, phmh, for starting this thread. And thank you, NIK for directing me to it. Very much needed right now.

Fear: I'm afraid that if I move forward with a divorce, I will be giving up on a marriage that will eventually get better and be worth the hard work of true reconciliation.

Reality: i haven't moved out yet but deep down I know I will be happier once I have the freedom to move on to a loving, respectful, trusting relationship that is not burdened by the emotional baggage he has thrust upon this marriage.

Slowly finding the strength to face my fears

phmh posted 12/8/2014 20:49 PM

Seeing lots of new faces again, so wanted to bump this up!

Brentwood posted 12/20/2014 18:38 PM

Thanks for this. I'm divorcing and expressed my fears today in General about posting in the S/D forum cause it makes it real so I was lurking around and saw this again. It was just what I needed today.

My fear, among most of what was already listed, is that a year from now I won't be able to post happy realities. Being a half-glass empty girl does that to me. But I have to face the fact that this is real, this D is happening, my house is being sold, financial hardship is gonna happen and I will be working at least 2 PT jobs after being a SAHM for 30 years. Real is very scary.

So as I was advised this morning by a wise member, I'm gonna begin a topic in D/S and start living the advice I know I'll get from all of you. Thanks in advance!

nowiknow23 posted 12/20/2014 19:04 PM

((((Brentwood)))) It's scariest when it's all undefined. Step by concrete step, it gets less and less scary.

We've got you.

yougogirl posted 12/20/2014 19:52 PM

I'm new to this, so here are my fears!

1. That DD (11) will really suffer because of this. She is such a wonderful child and is doing so well in school, but she is just hitting puberty.

2. That I will not know how to handle myself as a single person. I've let myself go due to many years of feeling bad about myself and also got married right after college. WH is the only person I've had sex with.

3. That I won't be able to afford everything. I absolutely LOVE where I live now and don't want to give it up. WH said that he wants DD to grow up here and that he will find another place to live. Maybe I can have family move in or, as a last resort, get housemates. WH has a six figure salary and I've been unemployed for a few months (not by choice) but we live in a very high cost of living area and our mortgage is over $3K a month.

Futurefear posted 12/20/2014 20:28 PM

Oh boy-I have some new fears...
1. That once he is physically gone out of the house, I won't be as strong as I am now. That the reality of this all will really sink in.
2. That I will be struggling financially to raise the 3 kids as he has stated I get what I get period for child support. That isn't fair as the kids didn't ask to have this happen.
3. That he will live happily ever after, that his 'third time' will really be a charm.
4. That my kids will want to stay with him because they are fun!
5. That I will stay resentful of this. That I won't get to 'meh' at all.

TrustGone posted 12/20/2014 20:58 PM

I guess it's my turn for fears and realities. Filing next week for D from WH#2, so more fears than realities. Those will come later.

1. Fear: That I will have to sell my home and land because WH#2 will not help with the mortgage and the house will go into forclosure before I can sell it

2. Fear: Having to sell all the farm equipment that WH#1 and WH#2 always used on our farm.

3. Fear: Having to sell my cattle.
Reality: I sold all the cattle this week because I didn't know how to use the tractor to put out the bales of hay.

4. Fear: I have a blood disease and stage 4 cirrohis (Non-alcohol related) and don't know how I will get to the doctors or hospital when I have a bad bleed again.
Reality: I can always call an ambulance or a friend or neighbor to take me and pick me up.

5. Fear: I am now on a fixed income(SSI)due to my illness and am afraid I won't be able to pay my bills.
Reality: I still have money in my IRA he can't touch since he has more than I do.
I can get part of his pension, and he may have to pay alimoney and half the mortgage until the place is sold.

6. Fear: (I know this will sound stupid to some people) I fear my poor boxer dog will not adjust well to apartment life. His favorite thing is being able to run around in the pastures and chase rabbits and play with the cattle. He has sat by the door waiting for his dad everyday now for 3 weeks. It is so sad because like small children he doesn't understand.

7. Fear: XWH#1 showed up to offer his help.
Reality: I was over you a long time ago and will not subject myself to you again. You will not make money by helping me.

8. Fear: My step-sons and the rest of his family will not want anything to do with me and will accept the OW
Reality: I got a card today from one of WH#2's sisters saying she will always consider me a part of her family. His parents are really upset at him, but probably won't say anything to him, but they also said that they loved me and to keep in touch.

9. Fear: WH#2 now has a assault with a deadly weapon charge and I am expected to testify against him and also go in for a 2yr protective order. This will probably cost him his job if he is found guilty (which he was) and that will affect my getting money he owes for mortgage and alimony.

10. Fear: WH#2 will lie and do other hateful things to me during the D.

11. Fear: No one will ever love me again with my illness and my age (52)

12: Fear: If I do get a new liver who will help take care of me.

I guess that's about all for now. Since I have went down this road once before on some of my fears, I pretty much know how the D will go. He didn't fight too much in his first marriage, so hopefully he is the coward he has turned out to be and will not fight too hard. At least we don't have children to fight over, but I will miss seeing my neices and nephews.

phmh posted 1/2/2015 21:03 PM

When I read my initial post, 1.5 years later, I can't believe that it was me who wrote it.

Reality is so amazing. My brain is erasing the fact that I ever had any fears.

I wanted to bump this up for those who are newer.

You can do it. There is a wonderful life waiting for you, full of genuine, honest, and non-toxic people. Seize it.

FeelingBlu posted 1/4/2015 00:57 AM

Fears:
1. DS will never have a relationship with Wh.
2. We will never have a decent co parent relationship.
3. Never have a chance to actually work on my marriage.
4.Dating

phmh posted 1/13/2015 21:09 PM

Bumping

kg201 posted 1/31/2015 11:46 AM

Bump

phmh posted 2/6/2015 20:23 PM

Bump for powerthroughit

Powerthruit posted 2/7/2015 20:44 PM

Thank you very much phmh!

Happyatlast posted 2/7/2015 22:53 PM

Mine were the same as others you read on here, so I won't list them all. I just want to say this is a great post. When I read R posts, I wish they could realize how their lives could be. It's a scary road, but the end is worth the trip. The beginning is the worst, and then it gets better from there. I was scared to DEATH. -- I've NEVER been happier than I am now.

Abbondad posted 2/8/2015 13:57 PM

Simply, I feared I would not live through this. I would have a nervous breakdown, lose my job, lose my life, physically or its essence.

Reality: I'm still here, working and living in my new little home. Am I happy? Nope, can't say that I am yet. But just Being is enough for now.

Take2 posted 2/14/2015 21:02 PM

Bump

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