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Divorce/Separation :
Soon to be ex is already wrecking new peoples lives new girlfriends former husband reaches out to me for help

Topic is Sleeping.
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 Crazytrain101 (original poster member #48200) posted at 1:26 PM on Sunday, April 16th, 2023

Well that didn't take long-in the middle of this mess of a divorce with my crazy STBXH I should've known there was going to be more surprises mad

Just yesterday I get a FB request from a guy in my town, seemed legit, maybe someone in my business so I accepted the request.

Later on I received a message from this man. It basically said "your ex-husband is dating my ex-wife and I'm seeing lots of red flags"--duh, do you think?

He proceeded to tell me that my STBXH has been dating his XW and that he wanted to know if he was a con man duh

Anyone who follows me might know my STBXH is sociopath, con man, cheated with countless women, lies about everything, says he has cancer, he's a pilot, he divorced, has done so many crazy & dangerous things to me over the M.

This man says he had a amicable divorce, he had been co-parenting well with the XW and now there's nothing but issues since STBXH came on the scene. He and my STBXH had a physical altercation the other day at her house, this guy threw him over his car and into some trash cans and THIS is how STBXH hurt his knee (he told DS it was something at work).

Then STBXH told the girlfriend to file an Order of Protection against this XH--which she did mad

So he wanted to know everything about my STBXH so I spilled out all the his craziness, cheating, buliemia, abuse towards me and my kids--this poor guy was shocked but kind about it all. Asked if I could help him, his XW got set up pretty well in the divorce so he's worried about my STBXH taking her financially and if he could be trusted around HIS kids. I said I don't trust him around my own kids for that matter.

My question is this, besides filing him in on the STBXH what else can I do? I mean with my STBXH he's going to wreck her life but I doubt she's believe me as he's already told her I'm the crazy one as narcs do mad mad

8 years ago-found out he was a serial cheater-Reconciled-2015 Back again September 2022 as WH is a cheater again Heading to Divorce

posts: 1848   ·   registered: Jun. 10th, 2015   ·   location: Ohio
id 8787089
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 2:13 PM on Sunday, April 16th, 2023

You've done all you can do in this situation.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 3570   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8787096
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fareast ( Moderator #61555) posted at 3:22 PM on Sunday, April 16th, 2023

You’ve done all you can do. It’s up to him to protect his kids.

Never bother with things in your rearview mirror. Your best days are on the road in front of you.

posts: 3898   ·   registered: Nov. 24th, 2017
id 8787099
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HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 4:48 PM on Sunday, April 16th, 2023

While you did the right thing,I worry that it wasn't the safest thing for you,and your kids..

This man will,no doubt,tell his ex everything you told him. This will enrage your STBX. He is already abusing and neglecting the kids. He is evil. He will see what you've done as an attack on him,and his new girlfriend. He will retaliate.

You need to kindly tell this man that you have said all you can,and there is nothing you can do to help him. Even the police have told you there is nothing they can do,because his abuse has not been documented in the past. The ex wife will never listen to you. He will convince her that you are a lying,bitter bitch. And that it is up to him to keep his family safe,and you are concerned for the safety of your kids,and yourself. Then block him.

Step up security around your house. Inform your attorney about the man contacting you and what you said.

Your husband put freaking glass in your sex toys, because he was mad at you. He urinated in your mascara. He has done some incredibly insane things to cause you harm. He will not sit quietly by,while you've been honest with this man who assaulted him(good for him, BTW. If any man ever needed his ass kicked,it's your stbx). You are at risk.

Our field of dreams,engulfed in fire..and I'll still see it,till the day I die..

posts: 6773   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8787105
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 Crazytrain101 (original poster member #48200) posted at 9:02 PM on Sunday, April 16th, 2023

Thanks everyone--my nerves are shot to hell. Yes I filled this man in completely. He'll have to figure the rest out.

I'm out and he is blocked.

I will indeed be hyper vigilant with my safety and my home. Just more drama I don't need rolleyes

I am super happy he got his ass kicked--I would've paid good money to see that!

8 years ago-found out he was a serial cheater-Reconciled-2015 Back again September 2022 as WH is a cheater again Heading to Divorce

posts: 1848   ·   registered: Jun. 10th, 2015   ·   location: Ohio
id 8787123
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homewrecked2011 ( member #34678) posted at 11:22 PM on Sunday, April 16th, 2023

I personally think you should unblock the xh. Reason is-his children and your children are there. I wouldn’t get involved much, but he can def let you know if your kids are being mistreated, by what his kids tell him. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Edited to add: I said all this ^ bc my xh is married to a woman who’s absolutely insane. The people who have contacted me, and their neighbors I know, but ow doesn’t know I know, I keep the communication lines open and told them I appreciate their concern for my kids. smile

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 11:26 PM, Sunday, April 16th]

Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child. Dday 12/19/11I went to an attorney and had him served. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!D final10/30/2012Me-55

posts: 5503   ·   registered: Jan. 30th, 2012
id 8787137
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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 11:29 PM on Sunday, April 16th, 2023

I’m sorry that another family will be ruined by your XH. You did the right thing by telling the XH of the woman your XH is dating all that you did.

It is now either up to him to protect his XW and kids. Or do what he needs to do to protect his kids from your XH.

Sadly even if you told the new GF about your XH she most likely would not believe it.

I was in my early 20s and dating a guy who I was crazy about. After about 6 months his SIL told me that he was a serial cheater (which is why he was D) and his last live in GF came home and found him in bed with another woman (he told me she was a crazy jealous witch). I was smart enough to believe the SIL and ghosted the lying cheating slimeball.

Not so sure the new GF would believe you. At least you tried. I guess the leopard didn’t change his spots in this situation.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 10 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 13970   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8787138
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 Crazytrain101 (original poster member #48200) posted at 7:02 PM on Monday, April 17th, 2023

Homewrecked, I did unblock him, my heart goes out to him and his kids with the STBXH in the picture. I wrote a scathing email to the GF included proof of his bulimia, our post-nuptial agreement stating he cheated prior to 2015, his fake FB and TikTok accounts, texts from the AP from the August 2022 cheating discovery which led to the current D, how she needs to check her car for a tracker, watch her drinks & mouthwash etc.

I gave the GF the best email of my life outlining his possessive crazy behavior and how to protect her kids.

I sent that out last night at 10pm--I had the XH preview it to make sure it was enough to wake his XW up.

My DD15 texted me this morning asd asked if I was "alive"--she said STBXH went out last night around 10:30 right before she feel asleep and didn't return until 3am crying

I am 2000000% sure he went to the GF's to work some damage control over the email!

I am hoping and praying it served its purpose and scared her enough to at the VERY least be weary if not break up with him. Her XH was so gracious and kind--this poor man does now know enough to at least protect himself.

We actually met last night for drinks to discuss, I have to laugh my a** off when he stood up! He's 6 foot 5 and 240 pounds--very fit. When he told me the whole story of the fight with the STBXH I might have enjoyed hearing it after I saw this guys size in comparison to STBXH. He's a solid 7 inches taller and 50 pounds heavier. I could only picture with enjoyment STBXH getting thrown across his beloved corvette into some trash cans laugh

1stwife--I know I can only tell her, she's on her own now but I laid out the possessive behavior very clearly which I KNOW he is doing or has done so that's likely to strike some kind of cord hopefully.

[This message edited by Crazytrain101 at 7:03 PM, Monday, April 17th]

8 years ago-found out he was a serial cheater-Reconciled-2015 Back again September 2022 as WH is a cheater again Heading to Divorce

posts: 1848   ·   registered: Jun. 10th, 2015   ·   location: Ohio
id 8787245
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BluerThanBlue ( member #74855) posted at 7:03 PM on Monday, April 17th, 2023

[DELETED, cross-posted]

[This message edited by BluerThanBlue at 9:43 PM, Monday, April 17th]

BW, 40s

Divorced WH in 2015; now happily remarried

I edit my comments a lot for spelling, grammar, typos, etc.

posts: 2010   ·   registered: Jul. 13th, 2020
id 8787246
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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 1:31 AM on Tuesday, April 18th, 2023

You are very brave and I hope both the GF and her XH listen to you.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 10 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 13970   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8787281
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EvenKeel ( member #24210) posted at 2:17 PM on Tuesday, April 18th, 2023

I am worried about you & your family. Please be safe.

We all know how we want to believe what our SO is telling us. So there is a good chance she will show him that email and he will try to BS it all away.

I know you have had lots of issues so you have probably already done all the precautions but make sure you double check it all (security cams, self protection devices, do not put yourself in any environment where you are alone, etc).

I spent time speaking with the police as well and their advice was "Pray he gets a new GF...because then they focus their craziness on them and not you". How is that for legal advice!

I am concerned he is going to circle his crazy right back to you.

posts: 6903   ·   registered: May. 31st, 2009   ·   location: Pennsylvania
id 8787318
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HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 3:44 PM on Tuesday, April 18th, 2023

Seriously? Stop inserting yourself into his new relationship. He's a fucking psycho. He's already punishing YOUR CHILDREN to hurt you. Emailing his fling with details of his abhorrent, abusive behavior will only cause him to ramp up his abuse of your kids. It puts you all in further danger.

She is not going to believe a word you say. She is in love with him. He will charm her. You are the bitter ex bitch who cheated and abused HIM.

You already told her ex,which was bad enough. Now you've contacted the girlfriend. He is going to go ballistic.

It is not your job to warn this woman. It IS your job to protect your kids. Poking the monstrous bear that is your stbx is a foolish move. You are inviting more drama.

Knock.It.Off.

Our field of dreams,engulfed in fire..and I'll still see it,till the day I die..

posts: 6773   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8787328
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BluerThanBlue ( member #74855) posted at 6:32 PM on Tuesday, April 18th, 2023

Seriously? Stop inserting yourself into his new relationship. He's a fucking psycho. He's already punishing YOUR CHILDREN to hurt you. Emailing his fling with details of his abhorrent, abusive behavior will only cause him to ramp up his abuse of your kids. It puts you all in further danger.

Telling the ex-husband was the right thing to do because he approached you, asked you, and needs to protect his children. But I agree with Hellfire that your unsolicited message to the new gf with the complete dossier of your ex's indiscretions was a pretty foolish and reckless move, considering what your diabolical ex is capable of and the fact that you're in the throes of highly contested and acrimonious divorce.

Don't be surprised if his lawyer uses this as evidence that you're the emotionally unstable and vindictive party in this marriage, not him. After all, you never reported his abusive behavior to the police when it was happening, so it wouldn't be a stretch to construe the information you provided her as slander.

I am hoping and praying it served its purpose and scared her enough to at the VERY least be weary if not break up with him.

On the contrary, it's far more likely that your message brought them closer together, as you've now accepted the role of the villain who is trying to sabotage their love story. If the gf was willing to file an RO against her ex at your WH's behest, what makes you think that she will consider you, a complete stranger, more sympathetic and credible than the father of her children?

After all, if I hadn't been following your story on this forum over the course of several years, I would have a hard time believing even half the stuff he's done to you.

[This message edited by BluerThanBlue at 6:39 PM, Tuesday, April 18th]

BW, 40s

Divorced WH in 2015; now happily remarried

I edit my comments a lot for spelling, grammar, typos, etc.

posts: 2010   ·   registered: Jul. 13th, 2020
id 8787376
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BrokenheartedUK ( member #43520) posted at 6:39 PM on Tuesday, April 18th, 2023

I agreed with Hellfire. You are escalating this drama. Stay out of way and stop ratcheting up this situation. Your divorce is not even finalised and you are provoking your ex which given his history of abuse is not smart. Keep your head down and focus on getting yourself away from this car crash.

Me: BS
He cheated and then lied. Apparently cheaters lie. Huh. 13 months of false R. Divorced! 8/16 3 teenage kids
"The barn's burnt down
Now
I can see the moon"
-Mizuta Masahide

posts: 3418   ·   registered: May. 24th, 2014
id 8787377
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 Crazytrain101 (original poster member #48200) posted at 7:14 PM on Tuesday, April 18th, 2023

You are all very right, I let my emotions and the desire to help this XH overshadow my sense. He asked me to send it to the XW and I did, that's on me.

Regardless, she received an email I WISHED someone would've sent to me. Even if it does draw them closer she will be aware and at least hyper-vigilant. That's all I wanted to accomplish.

I am going to keep a low profile here going forward.

My STBXH has already called this XH company and reported him to his boss for drunk driving with his kids and this man's boss has documented that is was STBXH and will go to court if needed for this guy since it seems STBXH is on a rampage since this XH kicked his a**.

8 years ago-found out he was a serial cheater-Reconciled-2015 Back again September 2022 as WH is a cheater again Heading to Divorce

posts: 1848   ·   registered: Jun. 10th, 2015   ·   location: Ohio
id 8787387
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HellFire ( member #59305) posted at 7:36 PM on Tuesday, April 18th, 2023

Sorry,it will NOT make her hypervigilant. He will convince her you're just jealous and crazy.

IIRC, a woman accused him of sexual assault, during your marriage. And you didn't believe her,even knowing all you knew about him. Even though you knew of all the psychotic things he's done to you. So why would she believe you,a vindictive ex who treated him horribly(you know he has been lying about you,to her, from the start)? You're just jealous, and trying to break them up.

Also, if her ex asked you to write all of that,and send it to her,and he's seen for himself how insane your ex can be..he didn't give two shits about how the fallout would affect you. You've done your part, stop talking to him.

Our field of dreams,engulfed in fire..and I'll still see it,till the day I die..

posts: 6773   ·   registered: Jun. 20th, 2017   ·   location: The Midwest
id 8787393
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lostandbound ( member #56011) posted at 4:32 AM on Wednesday, April 19th, 2023

agree this was poor judgement on your part. i've noticed a trend of assigning to the WS the "bad guy" part and therefore the BS claims the role of "good guy." Life doesn't actually work that way.
Crazy Train I've followed your saga and I'll be straight with you: I really think you bask in all this drama. I can't believe you actually met up with the exH of your WH new GF to discuss anything. You need to have better boundaries. Don't you have better ways to spend your time?

posts: 124   ·   registered: Nov. 12th, 2016
id 8787467
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crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 7:10 AM on Wednesday, April 19th, 2023

i've noticed a trend of assigning to the WS the "bad guy" part and therefore the BS claims the role of "good guy." Life doesn't actually work that way.

Well WS wouldn’t be labeled that way if they didn’t act poorly to begin with. If the shoe fits.

fBS/fWS(me):51 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:53 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(21) DS(18)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorcing

posts: 8834   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2012   ·   location: California
id 8787475
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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 7:38 AM on Wednesday, April 19th, 2023

Crazy — I think your kindness and empathy is what drove you to help the XH of your crazy STBXH’s GF. I think putting his children first was very brave of you.

I don’t think you love this drama. I think having lived through the terrible ordeal you did, you were just being helpful in trying to protect the new GF’s family.

Please protect yourself. Stay safe. Watch your back.

Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 10 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.

posts: 13970   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2017
id 8787479
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 Crazytrain101 (original poster member #48200) posted at 1:35 PM on Wednesday, April 19th, 2023

Update, I respect everyone's opinion, I did take some risk but but I am much safer now than I have ever been because of the exposure of STBXH and the new fallout.

So here's the update, I told my attorneys everything. Ironically this GF's attorney she used for her D and PO against her XH is PARTNERS with STBXH's attorney.

Last night my attorney sends out a letter to STBXH's attorney saying that STBXH is involved in a affair (still married and with the terms of the postnuptial with infidelity clause) so bonus there- all the other proof I had was pretty damning but a actual person in my town & represented by the same STBXH's office-undeniable.(STBH has NEVER been stupid enough to cheat with anyone local) barf

The letter from my attorney said STBXH is currently cheating, I want a modification because of the fight, his aggressive behavior and leaving my kids unsupervised over night, also STBXH can basically give me my kids OR we will have a parenting coordinator heavily involved with a top notch psychologist involved smile

ALSO--somehow the email loaded with everything from every last crazy thing he's done to me, his last discovery of cheating proof,his buliemia (proof included on email too) a restraining order from his first wife etc. has now been seen my STBXH's attorney as well as this AP/GF's attorney. SO in a nutshell he's been pretty well exposed by his attorney & the GF/AP attorney which puts them in a position to advise the GF coupled with the fight that she shouldn't have STBXH around her or her kids as she could end up looking as a questionable parent and custody be changed to her XH.

I do firmly believe she did believe the email (to some extent) her XH said she had blocked a few of his family members on FB but did not block me, in fact I made my FB public (which it normally is for my business) blocked my STBXH and left the door open for her to look through my FB.

ALSO--I sent the email TWO days ago and STBXH just last night when his attorney shared it with him knew about what it actually contained as I received a call and a text from both of my DD & DS saying Dad just said why did I tell you XWZ and XWZ, meaning he had no idea of what was said in my email until yesterday SO the GF/AP did not share anything I had said.

To me that seemed like a good sign! If she had thought I was crazy, she would've immediately called him 2 days ago and started accusing him of specifics. None of the specifics of that email came out until last night when his attorney saw it.

I'm luckily heading out of town for a few days for work and my mom will be getting the kids on pick up day so I'm putting some distance from being around here while the storm brews.

I am 20000% sad this has happened to this XH and kids but for me, the fight and his neglectful behavior as well as the ongoing affair has payed off in spades because now I may get my kids full time or at the VERY least will have two sets of watchful eyes on STBXH and his parenting tongue He hopefully will know he can't tow a proper line with my kids and just give them to me.

As far as the D goes STBXH who can't control himself and his aggressive behavior with this fight, WHICH led the XH to me ensured 100% my postnuptial will stand firmly. This GF/AP and XH will be brought to court during my D and so there is no wiggle room out of the postnuptial as far as the ongoing cheating goes.

My attorney said firmly, the postnuptial's terms and expectations that would cause the 75/25 go until we are legally divorced.

[This message edited by Crazytrain101 at 1:41 PM, Wednesday, April 19th]

8 years ago-found out he was a serial cheater-Reconciled-2015 Back again September 2022 as WH is a cheater again Heading to Divorce

posts: 1848   ·   registered: Jun. 10th, 2015   ·   location: Ohio
id 8787516
Topic is Sleeping.
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