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What does Thanksgiving have to do with infidelity?

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 ISurvivedSoFar (original poster member #56915) posted at 1:44 PM on Thursday, November 25th, 2021

For me, everything. This is my d-day. I remember two days before Thanksgiving five years ago reading that email between my WS and his AP that devastated me. I couldn't breath at.all.

I thought I'd never every enjoy this holiday again. But I can and I do and I will. This holiday is reclaimed and it is a time that I can reflect on what I have rather than what I lost. I can also reflect on the triumphs, on those family members I lovingly remember with joy, and on spending time with my family now being ever present in the moment.

If you are suffering, please know you are not alone. Please know you will find joy again. Please know that you will once again be thankful and appreciate the good things in life.

Please post what you are thankful for here.

I'll start. I am thankful that I have my family with me and can celebrate time together. I am thankful I came out of infidelity stronger and more appreciative for what I have now.

[This message edited by ISurvivedSoFar at 7:44 AM, November 25th (Thursday)]

DDay Nov '16
Me: BS, a.k.a. MommaDom, Him: WS
2 DD's: one adult, one teen,1 DS: adult
Surviving means we promise ourselves we will get to the point where we can receive love and give love again.

posts: 2642   ·   registered: Jan. 15th, 2017
id 8700123
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Want2BHappyAgain ( member #45088) posted at 2:06 PM on Thursday, November 25th, 2021

LOVE THIS grin !!! I totally AGREE with you on reclaiming...or as I say...OWNING special holidays smile . It sure doesn't seem like it could ever happen...until one day it does smile .

This Thanksgiving I am very thankful that all of my family are happy and healthy smile . I am so thankful for my wonderful husband who is now "equally yoked" with me...as our daily devotional mentioned today grin . I am eternally grateful to MH and DS for starting this site that was a GODSEND for me when I was in the deepest depths of infidelity HELL. I have some wonderful friends and FAMILY on here who I absolutely adore grin !!

Last but certainly not least...I am so THANKFUL that God has stood by my side through all of the triumphs and tragedies in my life with an unconditional LOVE that has gotten me through it all smile . I can't imagine facing infidelity alone...and because of Him...I didn't have to grin . Thank You God grin !!!

A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)

I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!

From respect comes great love...sassylee

posts: 5633   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: Southeastern United States
id 8700126
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 ISurvivedSoFar (original poster member #56915) posted at 2:54 PM on Thursday, November 25th, 2021

Thanks W2BHA - what a great sentiment. I'm grateful for DS and MH as well. I've said many times I would not have come out the other side of infidelity without this place. I would have rugswept and been miserable. This site taught me how to evolve my soul (not to borrow from EvolvingSoul's name).

DDay Nov '16
Me: BS, a.k.a. MommaDom, Him: WS
2 DD's: one adult, one teen,1 DS: adult
Surviving means we promise ourselves we will get to the point where we can receive love and give love again.

posts: 2642   ·   registered: Jan. 15th, 2017
id 8700131
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countrydirt ( member #55758) posted at 4:10 PM on Thursday, November 25th, 2021

I am thankful that I survived last year's cascade of holidays alone. First time in over 30 years and each holiday was extremely emotional. I am thankful for the friends that helped me get through those rough days/seasons and for my 3 sons and my family.

Today, I am thankful that I am in a relationship with a lovely lady and that she is joining my family for Thanksgiving.

3 adult sons
Married 32 years. DDay1 - June 2016, DDay 2 - April 2017, Final DDay - May 2020. Divorced - January 2021

posts: 329   ·   registered: Oct. 25th, 2016   ·   location: Colorado
id 8700155
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 ISurvivedSoFar (original poster member #56915) posted at 4:14 PM on Thursday, November 25th, 2021

@countrydirt - I am so sorry for your pain and trauma. I'm so glad this year is better than last. I hope this trend continues in a spectacular way for you! Happy Thanksgiving.

DDay Nov '16
Me: BS, a.k.a. MommaDom, Him: WS
2 DD's: one adult, one teen,1 DS: adult
Surviving means we promise ourselves we will get to the point where we can receive love and give love again.

posts: 2642   ·   registered: Jan. 15th, 2017
id 8700156
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lostindenial ( new member #79420) posted at 4:40 PM on Thursday, November 25th, 2021

I am living through my most devastating holidays season but I am thankful for -
1) the truth- at least some of it that I now know which brings it out in open that I was in the wrong marriage with an untrustworthy partner with questionable morals. Better to know than pretend or be in dark
2) the support system- my wonderful therapist, my new neighbors whom I had not known as we moved last year but two of whom became the most caring people and friends to me. This board where someone always holds your hands, shows you the way and empowers you to be master or your destiny
3) my parents who ensured that I had financial, social and intellectual independence so that I will never need the pick me dance
4) my kids who endured it all and are trying to adjust to our new single mom household and building their own structure and stability. I need to do better for their emotional safety by being consistent over long time

Life can be cruel or life can show you the radical honesty in advance. I am happy that I know now what I know and still have energy and ability to heal myself and my boys.

posts: 22   ·   registered: Sep. 20th, 2021   ·   location: FL
id 8700163
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BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 5:04 PM on Thursday, November 25th, 2021

I am thankful for my family and friends— my relationships with all of them have gotten stronger as I’ve healed and committed to being vulnerable. I am thankful for peace in my heart — a peace I thought I would never feel again.
And I am thankful for the resilience of the human spirit and heart that allows us to survive infidelity and thrive in our new lives. It’s not easy, but we can - and do - do it. And thankful for this place where the wounded can find support and understanding— thank you to MH & DS and all the mods.

Me: BS 54 (49 on d-day)Him: WH. 64D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA
Kinda liking my new life :-)

**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **

posts: 4273   ·   registered: Sep. 10th, 2016   ·   location: Northern CA
id 8700165
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Charity411 ( member #41033) posted at 5:05 PM on Thursday, November 25th, 2021

My EXH left me on Thanksgiving Day. He announced that he was leaving me for OW about ten minutes after we finished eating the wonderful Thanksgiving Dinner I made. Then he drove away and went to see Seinfeld perform at a comedy club with OW. She just happened to be my friend and his best friend's wife.

For a couple of years it was hard not to associate turkey with despair and divorce. Now, almost thirty years later, on Thanksgiving Day, I am thankful he left. I'm thankful that his act of cruelty gave me the freedom to become the person I became. Had he not left, I'm certain I would have had many more D-Days. I'd have spent years going deeper and deeper into debt, while he spent more and more money wooing the next mistress. I'd have parked my own dreams and desires at the door while trying in vain to make someone happy with me, when he was never going to be happy with just one woman. And especially not with me.

My wonderful daughter, with her wonderful husband and kids, told me recently she couldn't figure out how her dad and I ever got married in the first place, because our value systems are polar opposites. She loves us both but she respects me, which is a wonderful feeling. I'm thankful I did marry him. because without that I wouldn't have had her and her family in my life.

I'm thankful that I am now financially secure, and no longer have the fear that it will all blow it up because of someone else's selfish acts. I'm thankful I achieved that while working and living in a place that virtually everyone who visits wants to move to. A place that is like an intact 1800s movie set for a Charles Dicken's Christmas story with the sense of community you would find in Mayberry. It could have been so much worse, but I was blessed. And I have wonderful friends and family members who have created a world for me that is so much better than it would have been had he not left me on that Thanksgiving Day. All in all, it's a wonderful life.

posts: 1541   ·   registered: Oct. 18th, 2013   ·   location: Illinois
id 8700167
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BraveSirRobin ( member #69242) posted at 5:50 PM on Thursday, November 25th, 2021

I'm thankful for so many things. I'm thankful that my daughter, who almost saw Thanksgiving from a hospital bed two years ago, is healthy and thriving. I'm thankful that my sons are meeting some challenging life situations head on. I'm thankful that my H has a new job where he's successful and valued. I'm thankful for a cozy home, food on the table, and friends and family with whom to share it.

And I'm so, so thankful to SI. I'm thankful for good examples to follow and for realism delivered with compassion. I'm thankful that I listened. And most of all, I'm thankful for another chance.

WW/BW 50s (Me)
BH/WH 50s (TimeSpiral)

posts: 2136   ·   registered: Dec. 27th, 2018
id 8700169
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 ISurvivedSoFar (original poster member #56915) posted at 8:06 PM on Thursday, November 25th, 2021

@lostindenial - so glad that in the midst of the troubles that have been foisted on you it is possible to be thankful. I'm glad you have a support system that is helpful and that you have your wonderful children to parent. They will be okay - you will show them the way and they will know resilience and real love.

@BearlyBreathing - Yes! You go and you enjoy that peace you earned through hard work. Happy Thanksgiving to you.

@Charity411 - look at you now! You have made it and you have done well and you are resilient. Congratulations! I think I want to live where you live as in "I'll have what she's having".

@BraveSirRobin - good on you for the work you did and for the chance you earned. How wonderful that your daughter is okay. Thankful indeed!

DDay Nov '16
Me: BS, a.k.a. MommaDom, Him: WS
2 DD's: one adult, one teen,1 DS: adult
Surviving means we promise ourselves we will get to the point where we can receive love and give love again.

posts: 2642   ·   registered: Jan. 15th, 2017
id 8700184
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Grieving ( new member #79540) posted at 1:25 AM on Friday, November 26th, 2021

Thanks. I’m really struggling today. We’re with my husband’s family like we usually are, a little over a year after I found out about his affair. I love his family; they have always been wonderful to me, and my own family is very dysfunctional and not a source of support. I am grateful for them, but I still feel so broken and alone. No one knows anything about my husband’s affair.

I know I have a lot to feel grateful for, but I feel so alone.

posts: 15   ·   registered: Oct. 30th, 2021
id 8700210
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countrydirt ( member #55758) posted at 2:31 AM on Friday, November 26th, 2021

@countrydirt - I am so sorry for your pain and trauma. I'm so glad this year is better than last. I hope this trend continues in a spectacular way for you! Happy Thanksgiving.

Thank you @ISurvivedSoFar. 2020 was a bugger in so many ways, but 2021 was much better and 2022 looks to be even brighter! Today's Thanksgiving celebration was fantastic with my family - all the siblings and almost all of the nieces and nephews. My mom even invited my former sister-in-law and her family and it was great to see them. My girlfriend fit right in and had a fantastic time and even said on the way home that she already loves my sister, who was in extremely funny form today! In fact, everyone was on the best and loudest behavior. We hadn't been all together since probably 2018, so it was a great time.

So I'm thankful for my family!

3 adult sons
Married 32 years. DDay1 - June 2016, DDay 2 - April 2017, Final DDay - May 2020. Divorced - January 2021

posts: 329   ·   registered: Oct. 25th, 2016   ·   location: Colorado
id 8700216
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Bingo ( member #72835) posted at 2:32 AM on Friday, November 26th, 2021

Thanksgiving Day was the first time my ex-husband and his AP had sex. I had moved out a month earlier because he would not go NC with his "just friend". She left her family get-together, came to our house, asked to see the inside of his camper that was parked in the driveway, laid down on the bed and asked him to join her.

The rest is history..

Two years later and I have moved to Florida and started a new life in a retirement community. My son was supposed to drive down and spend the day with me but his job interfered.

So this was just another of those "first experiences" I've had to go through....the first time I have ever been alone on Thanksgiving Day.

And I am so thankful that I had a great day. I still have my moments of sadness and pain, but I am so much better this year than last...and that's all I can ask for!

posts: 107   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2020   ·   location: Indiana
id 8700217
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Lemons17 ( new member #79612) posted at 2:37 AM on Friday, November 26th, 2021

Tomorrow marks 12 weeks post DDay, and I am struggling. Today I am thankful I was able to cook for my family - my kids deserved it - and that when I needed to cry, my husband held me and let me cry through the pain. I'm thankful he is working so hard to help heal our marriage. He's all in, and I find so much peace in that while we may not be OK today, I truly believe we will be OK someday because we both want this so badly. This is hard. Today is hard. Tomorrow we leave for a weekend away together, and I pray I can have a good time and that we can make some much-needed new memories together. So I guess I'm also thankful for that opportunity, even though I'm struggling with worry over being triggered the whole time. Hugs to all of you...

posts: 2   ·   registered: Nov. 20th, 2021   ·   location: Ohio
id 8700218
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Seeking2Forgive ( member #78819) posted at 4:59 AM on Friday, November 26th, 2021

Hugs to you folks that had to struggle today. Unfortunately you're really never alone in the BS club. We know how you feel.

My Dday was not quite two weeks before Thanksgiving 18 years ago. Even though my FWW was on the fence through the Holidays I feel very fortunate that I don't really associate the Holidays with those times. We didn't want our families to know so we spent those days with family putting up a facade of normalcy. I was doing the "pick me" dance and she always loved the Holidays so I did all I could to keep those days as special as possible.

You can be happy again and the holidays can be special again, whatever path is right for you. Peace to you all.

Me: 59, BS
Her: 58, FWS
Dday: 11/15/03
Married 37 yrs
Reconciled

posts: 115   ·   registered: May. 18th, 2021
id 8700228
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 ISurvivedSoFar (original poster member #56915) posted at 11:25 AM on Friday, November 26th, 2021

@Grieving - I am so sorry and you have been heard. None of my extended family knows either and for so long I felt like a fraud in front of them.

Is there something special you can do for you? What is the most pressing thing on your mind right now?

@Countrydirt - yahoo thanks for touching base again. This is such great news!

@Bingo - I'm sorry you weren't able to celebrate with family this year. Please know you are not alone. We are here for you always. You can post or IM and reach out especially when times are tough. Holidays are really difficult but the difficulty eases eventually. What do you do to help yourself?

@Lemons17 - just twelve weeks makes this so hard for you I'm sure. Breathe. Know that the feelings you have now won't last forever. Crying, journaling, posting here all help to process the incredible pain we experience from infidelity. Do something great for you.

@SeekingToForgive - thank you for posting such a positive outcome. I hope everyone can find their way to happiness like you. It is inspirational for all.

DDay Nov '16
Me: BS, a.k.a. MommaDom, Him: WS
2 DD's: one adult, one teen,1 DS: adult
Surviving means we promise ourselves we will get to the point where we can receive love and give love again.

posts: 2642   ·   registered: Jan. 15th, 2017
id 8700278
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Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 6:57 PM on Friday, November 26th, 2021

I am finding my joy again. I am thankful that I didn't lose me in my trauma. I hibernated for sure. But I am learning to live again.

If not for SI I'd be a pile of glittery goo still huddled under a blanket. Rug sweeping and miserable. I'd have never had the understanding and support I needed. You all told me the truth when I needed it - and gently. I'd have never understood this had nothing to do with me. You all gave me courage when I had none myself. You all not only straightened my crown but taught me to straighten it myself.

I'm thankful for the compassion I was shown when my life was falling apart. You all on SI held me up when I couldn't hold myself.

I walk a little taller knowing I am not alone.

I am thankful for the progress WH and I have made. We are amazed [albeit in different ways] when we hear people tell us they can feel the love between us, that they have lived their whole lives without anyone looking at them the way we look at each other, that they know in their life [those that are single] they'll never have such a long term relationship as we do. It is a bit surreal to hear.

There is much to be thankful for.

BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decadesChildren (1 still at home)Multiple DDays w/same AP until I told OBSBrandishing a sword, channeling my inner Inigo Montoya and saying "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"

posts: 3322   ·   registered: Oct. 13th, 2017   ·   location: East coast
id 8700400
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