Newest Member: Dazedandconfused1978

I Can Relate :
Betrayed Womenz Thread

Topic is Sleeping.
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Lostheart8 ( member #71607) posted at 8:11 PM on Saturday, November 2nd, 2019

Coco - I’m with ya. Pro fun. Down with house cleaning.

House cleaning is shitty. I believe collecting dust is a good thing. There’s a lot at my house plus the clutter.

Omg! That’s way too much tape. That’s good tape ...could be used to tape WW douchebag mouth shut.

Omg these guys are soooo the same. My ex had dreams of making a million from a whiskey business. Turned out to be a money pit. Ex never did a credit report on the business or the owner. Turned out the owner took all the money to pay off his debt - owner in $100,000’s of thousands in personal debt. Major eye rolling going on here.

man child painting love that.

[This message edited by Lostheart8 at 2:20 PM, November 2nd (Saturday)]

posts: 162   ·   registered: Sep. 17th, 2019
id 8461838
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Iwasyoungonce ( new member #70856) posted at 9:34 PM on Saturday, November 2nd, 2019

Just the thought of duct tape on my boobs makes me wince.

Not sure I've ever qualified as "perky" but as an "I/J" cup since my last pregnancy I'm definitely low-riding now!

Learning to live again....

posts: 40   ·   registered: Jun. 25th, 2019
id 8461856
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DaisyAnne ( member #71434) posted at 12:17 PM on Sunday, November 3rd, 2019

I love a clean house so I don't mind cleaning. Everything has it's place so straightening up for company doesn't take long. The only room I really hate cleaning is the bathroom.

I had an augmentation, but 19 years and 3 breastfed babies later, they aren't quite as perky. I can still easily go without a bra though. My fch can't tell the difference.

I'm so jealous! I didn't have an augmentation, but my boobs are pretty perky. In a bra. I take off that bra the very moment I get into bed. I wish I could walk around without one but it's not comfy or attractive at all.

I hope you had fun last night, Coco!

Me: BW - early 40's
Him: WH - late 40's
Married: 18 years, together 24
2 teenage children
Dday: 5/23/19
Reconciling

posts: 241   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2019
id 8462008
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Somber ( member #66544) posted at 1:06 PM on Sunday, November 3rd, 2019

Housecleaning and boob taping! What a great distraction from the infidelity hell we live in! Lol

I am a horrible house cleaner, I give up most days as it is endless and thankless. Currently I have deep cleaned all closets, etc as we are searching for an escaped hamster in our home 🙈 The last few nights I have not heard a peep at night from this lost nocturnal rodent pet, I think he is gone...I just wish it was my WH who would leave instead.

The roller coaster in which I live in is sucking the life out of me. I am exhausted all the time, I don’t know what to expect each day. Are we walking on egg shells today? Is he going to drink/smoke weed today? Or is he pretending to be the perfect husband and making me feel like I’m not trying? Am I going to feel guilty that I can’t move forward? Am I going to hate him and wish he would leave? Am I going to feel empathetic towards his sad past that made him into the narcissist emotionally abusive alcoholic SA man that he is? Or am I going to doubt putting that awful label on him because he is being nice, kind, calm?

I am guessing egg shell walking with a cup of rugsweeping, 1/2 cup of TT, a heaping tbsp of objectifying me with stares and longing for sex and a bowl full of me feeling guilty for who the hell knows why!!!

[This message edited by Somber at 7:15 AM, November 3rd (Sunday)]

Me: BS, 41 / Him: SAWH, 43
2 children ages 7 and 9
“The truth is still blurry but the lies are getting clearer”

posts: 632   ·   registered: Oct. 17th, 2018   ·   location: Canada
id 8462025
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sickofsurviving ( member #52308) posted at 1:19 PM on Sunday, November 3rd, 2019

Good morning y'all. I was just catching up. Duct tapped boobs, hey? Well, I have little yet saggy boobs. I honestly dont remember them ever being perky. Sigh...

I am a super freak about a clean house. And I mean spotless. You could eat soup out of the toilets. Lol. We always tell people that come here for the first time 2 things, 1) the whole family talks at the same time. The fastest way to shut them all up at once, is to stop in the middle of your sentence. 2) mom cleans up after you. Period. I don't even realize I'm doing it. I dont mind. I enjoy cleaning.

Now for the serious. How do y'all do it? Be nice to the cheaters here? Especially the women. To me, those cheating bitches are the same as my cheater's mistress. Each and every one of them were happily fucking over a woman just like us. When they whine about how unhappy they are now, it's all I can do not to crawl through my phone. I do not believe they deserve happiness. Ever. I don't care how much they "change".

I try to stay off the cheater part, but there is one that posts everywhere. On every fucking thread. I hate that one most of all! That cheater keeps me off this site when I need it most. How do y'all do it? I just cant. And honestly I cant see the benefit. So maybe I dont try. I dont know. I do know I despise those cheating bitches.

BS-me 54
WH 56
Married 2004

4 DDs 35,30,26,25
Sexting affair with his 1st cousin 2007-2008 maybe
D-Day 8-8-15
Married

posts: 859   ·   registered: Mar. 17th, 2016
id 8462028
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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 3:04 PM on Sunday, November 3rd, 2019

I will be honest. I don’t react to the cheaters who post on SI. After what WH put me through, I almost think more people cheat than don’t.

So they’re the normal one. I’m the weirdo.

BW, 54 WH 53
When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2113   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8462064
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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 3:07 PM on Sunday, November 3rd, 2019

Aww Somber,

I know how that feels. My Cheater lashes out at me when I question him about the lies and cheating. It’s his behavior but my problem?

BW, 54 WH 53
When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2113   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8462065
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DaisyAnne ( member #71434) posted at 3:37 PM on Sunday, November 3rd, 2019

I’m mostly just staying in this thread now. I’ll venture in the general and reconciliation ones once in awhile but I found that the JFO and wayward ones trigger me too much. I’m better off in our cozy womenz world here.

Me: BW - early 40's
Him: WH - late 40's
Married: 18 years, together 24
2 teenage children
Dday: 5/23/19
Reconciling

posts: 241   ·   registered: Aug. 29th, 2019
id 8462076
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 3:45 PM on Sunday, November 3rd, 2019

No titty tape for me! I tried with kinesiology tape because we couldn't find the duct tape. Too stretchy and I not taping an ace bandage across my boobs. Might as well wear a bra at that point.

I'm definitely low-riding now!

I have read that bras actually make breasts sag more. I don't quote understand the reasoning behind.

The ball is not fun. It's a formal tradition that I suffer through for the cause. I am not a dressy person. I live in yoga pants and tshirts, no makeup, no hair. So, it is fun to get dressed up really fancy. My boys said I looked weird with the makeup and hair. LOL

Somber, ((hugs)). Have you read up on CoD? It sounds like you are allowing your CH to dictate how you feel. You can take your power back.

SOS, I think I know exactly who you are talking about. I got admonished for bitching about her on this thread. It's against guidelines to call out members. I used to ignore her. Now, I will sometimes engage. I'm not being nice. Just having a rational convo about something.

There's another CW who likes to single me out and say that I confound her. Apparently, what I say about R scares her because I am not madly in love with my fch again and worshipping the ground he walks on. Her, I do ignore in other people's threads because I don't want to t/j.

I feel the same way. Any one of the CWs on her could be my fch's MOW. They aren't getting any of my respect no matter how good they sound. As far as I'm concerned, they're all full of shit. Talking out their asses to look good on these forums. I don't trust or believe them one bit. To be fair, i feel the same way about the CHes.

I don't read the wayward forum unless some drama is mentioned in another thread. Then, I get out my popcorn. Hehe

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8462082
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sickofsurviving ( member #52308) posted at 3:57 PM on Sunday, November 3rd, 2019

I know I'm supposed to show grace. I try. I do. But I think they are all despicable people. I cheer when they are unhappy. I love it when their poor betrayed finally leaves.

I hate it when they engage me. I just want to scream leave me alone, whore. You and people are the reason there are people like me. Then they have the balls to whine about how bad they have it? Really? What did you expect when you fucked over 2 families? A fucking trophy?

I think I might be cranky today. Some days I just contain it. The hatred for those people. Cheaters.

BS-me 54
WH 56
Married 2004

4 DDs 35,30,26,25
Sexting affair with his 1st cousin 2007-2008 maybe
D-Day 8-8-15
Married

posts: 859   ·   registered: Mar. 17th, 2016
id 8462084
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20yrsagoBS ( member #55272) posted at 5:28 PM on Sunday, November 3rd, 2019

Poll?

Do you think the discovery of your spouse cheating, unlocked something in you?

It makes me obsessive about lying. I just don’t seem to tolerate it anymore. Even white lies set me off

BW, 54 WH 53
When you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas

posts: 2113   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2016   ·   location: Tampa Bay Area, Florida
id 8462114
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sickofsurviving ( member #52308) posted at 5:55 PM on Sunday, November 3rd, 2019

Yes!!! It changed me in ways my crazy life couldn't.

I was still soft. Hopeful. Positive. I was the first to give a pep talk. Dont give up. Keep pushing forward. You'll see. It will all be worth it someday. Look at me. I'm living the dream. I overcame my fucked up life. And you can too!

Now I dont believe any of that. All you have to do is read here a while. The despicable people always come out ahead. Because they fuck over anyone and anything to get what they want. And God forbid they have the slightest consequence, a whining they will go.

So yes. I have changed. I will never give someone the benefit of the doubt. From now on I am trying to adopt the cheater mindset. Only I matter.

I'm cynical. Very cynical. That's the biggest thing that it unlocked.

BS-me 54
WH 56
Married 2004

4 DDs 35,30,26,25
Sexting affair with his 1st cousin 2007-2008 maybe
D-Day 8-8-15
Married

posts: 859   ·   registered: Mar. 17th, 2016
id 8462120
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EllieKMAS ( member #68900) posted at 11:20 PM on Sunday, November 3rd, 2019

I don't know if it unlocked anything in me... but I am way less inclined to put up with bullshit or toxicity. I thought I was before, but nothing compared to what I am now. Oh, and I am not sure I will ever be able to believe things like 'I love you' coming from a man again. I hope that changes.

It took me a long time to be able to read in waywards section without feelin stabby. Maybe it is because of being an adult child of an alcoholic who will hit 7 years of sobriety in January, but for the ones that are here doing the work and reading BS viewpoints to try to comprehend their actions better? Yeah, I am ok with them. Not excusing what they did, just like I don't excuse how my mom was when she was a drunk, but if they are trying to better themselves and living in 'recovery' then I will do my best to give them the benefit of the doubt until they give me a reason not to. No one is perfect and lord knows I have had my fair share of fuckups too. *shrug Just mho.

ETA: I deleted and blocked him today. Fucker texted me for the first time in 6+ weeks to let me know that the internet bill was charged to him again. I deleted/blocked, and I'm not paying him back. $50 doesn't hold a candle for the 8+ goddman years I carried his worthless ass. Kinda made me sad and angry, but mostly just felt surreal. That I used to enjoy hearing from him and now the thought of him kinda makes me feel nauseous. Not sure where I am with it right now.

[This message edited by EllieKMAS at 5:45 PM, November 3rd (Sunday)]

"No, it's you mothafucka, here's a list of reasons why." – Iliza Schlesinger

"Being weird is just a side effect of being awesome."– Unknown

posts: 3181   ·   registered: Nov. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: CO
id 8462223
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 11:59 PM on Sunday, November 3rd, 2019

SOS, you aren't supposed to do anything. You can tell them to leave you alone. I made a declaration in a post that I was not here to help CPs. I couldn't care less about them. The only CP who is of any concern to me is my own. The rest of them can all piss of.

I don't think anything was awakened in me. I've always been suspicious and cynical. Always got bad vibes about people and would avoid them.

It has caused me to be less tolerant of my fch's idiocy.

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8462237
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Somber ( member #66544) posted at 1:36 AM on Monday, November 4th, 2019

Thanks 20yearsago and Coco.

Yes I believe I am coD. I hate that, I hate how the term implies I am somewhat to blame...perhaps with the drinking but the serial affairs I had no idea about! Those affairs are what has really destroyed our marriage, as one would expect. Taking back my power is a day to day process. Thanks for the support though girls. I appreciate it. One day I hope to look back and think wtf took me so long to get it together...

This day turned out to end with ‘I just had one drink while waiting for winter tires, I just wanted you to know’ and A sarcastic comment that my fortune cookie may say ‘make love to the love of my life’ I wish that was my fortune but it certainly is no longer him.

Me: BS, 41 / Him: SAWH, 43
2 children ages 7 and 9
“The truth is still blurry but the lies are getting clearer”

posts: 632   ·   registered: Oct. 17th, 2018   ·   location: Canada
id 8462265
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Somber ( member #66544) posted at 1:41 AM on Monday, November 4th, 2019

As for the poll,

It unlocked a cynical pessimistic side to myself that didn’t exist before. I trust no one. I used to be a cheerful happy optimistic person. I had a nickname of sunshine. It’s hard to get that all back when my sense of reality has been blown up.

Me: BS, 41 / Him: SAWH, 43
2 children ages 7 and 9
“The truth is still blurry but the lies are getting clearer”

posts: 632   ·   registered: Oct. 17th, 2018   ·   location: Canada
id 8462268
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cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 1:23 PM on Monday, November 4th, 2019

Somber, I can't remember. Do you go to alanon? Also, have you read, Codependent No More?

Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life

posts: 6899   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2014   ·   location: Virginia
id 8462360
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Somber ( member #66544) posted at 1:37 PM on Monday, November 4th, 2019

Coco,

I do go to alanon. I haven’t been in a month due to my work schedule but I am going tmrw on my day off. I have a hard time going in the evenings with the kids and it would require my WH to be supportive of me going but when he no longer thinks he is ‘that type of alcoholic’ that makes it tougher!

I have meant to read that book and plan to ASAP now. I feel embarrassed and ashamed to be codependent! I resent myself for it and my childhood experiences that have paved the way for it. Is there really hope for change??? I sure hope so!

Thanks 😊

Me: BS, 41 / Him: SAWH, 43
2 children ages 7 and 9
“The truth is still blurry but the lies are getting clearer”

posts: 632   ·   registered: Oct. 17th, 2018   ·   location: Canada
id 8462365
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sickofsurviving ( member #52308) posted at 1:46 PM on Monday, November 4th, 2019

Good morning! Hope y'all had a good weekend. Mine was quiet.

Have any of y'all gone to AAOC meetings? Adult children of alcoholics. They were so awesome for me when I was younger. Same premise as AlAnon.

I have never been CoD. I'm sure I have had some "symptoms". For me, I think it was trauma. I have always been fiercely independent. Before he said his cousin's name that day, I stayed home. Didnt get in the truck until after dday.

It is supposed to be a beautiful day here today. I'll get out with the dogs later. I need outside. I'm antsy as hell today.

BS-me 54
WH 56
Married 2004

4 DDs 35,30,26,25
Sexting affair with his 1st cousin 2007-2008 maybe
D-Day 8-8-15
Married

posts: 859   ·   registered: Mar. 17th, 2016
id 8462367
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Somber ( member #66544) posted at 1:53 PM on Monday, November 4th, 2019

SOS,

I struggle with coD vs trauma...I unfortunately think I suffer from both coD and traumatized from this marriage, the gaslighting, manipulation, cheating, etc....it’s overwhelming and some days I don’t know where to start to get control over my life again...

Me: BS, 41 / Him: SAWH, 43
2 children ages 7 and 9
“The truth is still blurry but the lies are getting clearer”

posts: 632   ·   registered: Oct. 17th, 2018   ·   location: Canada
id 8462369
Topic is Sleeping.
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