Thank you, I feel the need to yell at myself, in Hope of motivate me to get out.
While my husband was cheating, he did the same that your did. He would take me on trips (it is their shame), then those trips quickly turned into resentment aka "guilt trips"...he started getting worse about finances. He would take me dancing and bitch about the money spent. He essentially deflected his guilt and shame. This pattern is pretty common with cheaters, in general...from what I have read.
What little sex there was, became different. The only time he could get it up (sorry TMI time) was when I was pretty inebriated and from behind. It was always rough and I recall almost feeling violated....never foreplay. It just didnt happen. He believed a couple of sloppy kisses (if any) made him a lover, I suppose. He treated me like one of his prostitutes. By doing it from behind, he didnt have to look at me, so he could fantasize about blow up dolls.
I do believe they are all narcs, there are studies that support that. Dr. Todd Grande (youtube) goes into great detail on the subject. He specified that studies reflect that if one patient is diagnosed with narcissism, then there almost always is a level of sex addiction, he said the same, if it were reversed. They go hand-in-hand.
Like anything else, some may be higher on those spectrums, while others may be better at manipulating others, to get what they want. There is always a "push-pull" paradox (love bombing etc), while exploiting their victims.
It isnt "love" in the sense of how we see it and want to experience. They see people as pawns and exploit all that come into their paths. They believe love/happiness is something to be purchased and everything has a price tag. Power, money and control. Love is expressed in gifts, trips and empty words. Never a spiritual connection, they haven't the understanding of what that even means. That intimacy is something to run from.
The thing with them is that their idea of love is on their terms, how it better serves them. If you get upset with them (for not adulting), they seek revenge...that could come in the form of sceaming , followedby the silent treatment, breaking or hiding items...right down to trolling the porn and prostitutes.
They are stunted at preteen, when the abusive childhood took place. With coverts (my lovely narc), they are NEVER honest with their feelings, but they expect you to be mind readers and serve them. If you dont do what is silently expected of you, they seek revenge....They are about taking, never giving. Shady assholes.
They have a very low self esteem, but they expect the best of others, while believing they deserve better. Society dictates "better" for these characters. The porn says it all. They lead a very envious life, where the grass is always greener, while chasing rainbows.
[This message edited by DashboardMadonna at 3:28 PM, August 30th (Friday)]