SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Thanks for asking/checking on me... things are going about as well as I expected. The good news is I should be filed on December 3rd... that's when I'm meeting with my attorney to sign everything and she will file that day. Then there is a mandatory 120 waiting period in my state before a court date will be scheduled. Once I am filed though, I am no longer responsible for anything he may do. I'm consulting a tax accountant too, to determine if I should go back and amend any of my returns to married filing separately in case something comes back to haunt me from his shady financial practices when it comes to his business.

In the mean time, he seems happy as can be... off living in his "trial of reality" with the married AP. I haven't driven by the OW's apartment recently, but based on how often he was there before, I'm assuming he stays there most of the time. He still has not found an apartment of his own, but I'm hoping he does soon so he can take his pets (We have 2 dogs and 5 cats - 3 of the cats are his, and they're not exactly well-behaved. As much as I love all animals, he needs to take them soon - it's a lot for one person to take care of, especially when his are such little shits).

Aside from the practical aspects of getting the divorce over with, I am kind of all over the place. I'm sure that's to be expected - healing is not a linear process. I have days where I am on top of the world and doing great, loving my newfound freedom, and days where I am just angry and/or sad. For me, it's the injustice of it all. He gets to run off and do whatever he wants with no real consequences (that matter to him anyway) and I am the one left to pick up the pieces from the mess he created. One of his AP's is dumb enough to still want him (even though she found out he was lying about me AND another woman aside from her) so as long as he has something new to latch on to, he's fine. I'm sure a part of him thinks I will be more than happy to take him back once he's had his fun too - just like last time. He's in for a rude surprise in that case.

It's just such bullshit... I'm tired of him lying, cheating, and scamming his way through life and getting away with it. He hurts countless people and never has to suffer the consequences.

FWIW, IMO, letting the anger flow through and OUT of you is perfectly OK.... the problems arise when we get "stuck" in that place.

The injustice of infidelity was REALLY hard on me. And it sometimes still is. I have to remind myself that every human will experience injustice. I have to validate it, know it's real and mine, and know that I'm not alone, and then move on. What helps me anyhow.

Sending strength :)

Well when the ow's husband returns from the road and he can not go there and he thinks he is coming back to you as plan b then he will get some of what is coming to him. I would love to see the look on his face when you say no

Glad that you aren't wasting your time trying to fix what is broken in HIM, like I tried to do with my Deceased WH. Such a waste of time.

It definitely is an emotional coaster ride though of all sorts of emotions but believe that you will find peace on the other side.

Also if you haven't already get in touch with the credit bureau's and freeze you credit. At least he will not be able to open anything in your name that way.

Just wanted to pop in for an update... I've been busy with my lawyer, getting things filed to protect myself, and just life in general. I thought things had been going pretty well, all things considered. I've been redecorating/rearranging the house, making it truly "mine", and I've been overall very happy on my own. I really don't feel any love for my WH anymore, and after I kicked him out of the house and told him I was done, I actually felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

Then tonight a friend of mine (who knows the whole story, including who the other women (there were two at the same time this time around) are, sent me some screenshots from social media. Turns out one of the OW was dumb enough to continue to fall for my WH's lies and manipulation, and they are "together" and she made it "Instagram Official" (just on her account - he doesn't have one). She's posted a few pictures of them together over the past few weeks and I just lost it. Like what he did wasn't horrible enough, now he would go (or allow her to go) to that level to rub it in my face? Like the cheating itself wasn't disrespectful enough, he lets her go flaunting it around social media like she's "won her prize"? I mean... congrats on that, you won a narcissistic serial cheater, but hey... one woman's trash is another woman's treasure I guess.

I know that I'll move past this quickly... I'm already starting to not care that much. It was just such a slap in the face though - like could you have ANY class at all?

All that fun is going to cost him. Money, or reputation.
The more I read about men and women who serial cheat I think they are not fixable. It’s who they are. They can fake being empathetic but they are not.

Tell your friends to stop updating you on his life. Social media is not reliable.

If you miss him remember that what you thought he was is not who he is. He is just good at faking it.

The more I read about men and women who serial cheat I think they are not fixable. It’s who they are. They can fake being empathetic but they are not.

I think in my WH's case, that is very true. His infidelity is tied to a personality disorder, and personality disorders are notoriously hard to change. Conveniently enough, my therapist works with personality disorders as part of her practice and she has repeatedly told me that change is unlikely at this point for him, given that he seems very unwilling to change or do the work.

While arguing about this crap last night, he actually had the audacity to tell me "I didn't lie to you, I just didn't tell you". That tells me everything I need to know about how hard he's "supposedly" working on himself.

Ugh.. I think I'd limit him to an email contact where he could argue 'til he was blue in the face and I wouldn't have to hear it. That's a nice way to make a paper trail too, so that you've got everything he says in writing.

Ugh.. I think I'd limit him to an email contact where he could argue 'til he was blue in the face and I wouldn't have to hear it. That's a nice way to make a paper trail too, so that you've got everything he says in writing.

Yep... already blocked as much as I can. Blocked him and the whore on social media, and he now knows that anything he has to say to me will be done via text or email, I won't answer any phone calls, and it will be limited to what we absolutely have to discuss, like financial/legal things for the divorce. Once the divorce is final, I will block him all together. I've seen a lot of advice on dealing with narcissists that advises the only way to truly begin healing is to go completely no contact. As soon as that is possible, I will definitely be implementing that policy. I have, as suggested, also asked my friends to not tell me if they see something concerning him online, or elsewhere. I'm sure they mean well, but I really need to remove him from my life as much as possible.

Good job on letting your friends know that you don't want that contact. Your boundaries are EXCELLENT!

If you haven't heard the term before, go online and search, "gray rock psychopath" and just read whatever articles you find. It's a great technique for limiting the target, so that with any luck, the narc will eventually wander off and torment someone else.

You're doing great, CereBella. I know it probably doesn't always feel that way, but really you are.

((hugs))

Divorcing a narcissist who is a serial cheater will not be easy. But you already know that.

He has no class. Or morals. Or even simple respect.

Glad you are feeling positive about your future. Love the redecorating approach.

Keep moving forward. It’s all you can do.

I really need to remove him from my life as much as possible.

You are absolutely correct. You've made the decision to D and remove him from your life. His a liar and cheater, not someone you would want to be friends with. He showed you that he didn't care for you and wasn't willing to work to keep you a part of his life, so your steps are completely validated.

Keep focusing on your healing and what you want your future to be.

I can not completely block him yet because there are practical things we still need to communicate about, but this is going to be tough. Today he has flipped his switch again, and instead of being angry and defensive, he's apologetic and "sorry for how he reacted the other night", saying that no matter how "angry he gets at me, he can't stay mad at me and will always love me". He also said that he's working very hard to be a better person, and "who knows, maybe somewhere down the line, we can work things out".

This was all via text, and I didn't respond. This is exactly what he did the first time around, but I was dumb enough to believe him then. I just can't believe that he can continue to spew that crap... he's immediately moved on to the only OW that would have anything to do with him anymore. The idiotic thing is, she's smart enough to know she can't trust him, but dumb enough to still want to be with him. How can he say he's working on himself? If he was, he would be ALONE, actually working on HIMSELF. He's just working on spinning this into a new relationship for himself, while trying to keep me on the "back burner" as a safe fallback if this new fling doesn't work out.

I always said I wouldn't be able to hate him, only the things he does, but I'm starting to think that it is actually him that I hate. I'm so thankful for this community on days like this when things are harder, or I just need to vent. I hate that we all have to be here, but am grateful for the support.

The idiotic thing is, she's smart enough to know she can't trust him, but dumb enough to still want to be with him. How can he say he's working on himself? If he was, he would be ALONE, actually working on HIMSELF.

I have immense sympathy for people who are doing their best to work through their issues. But when they won't, it's just good revenge when the cheater and co-conspirator end up together, stuck in a relationship where neither can fully trust the other and neither can name aloud the reason why. Your best bet since you've selected D is to strike as quickly as possible and take advantage of any haste they might have.