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Yikes, your wife is a nightmare. The sooner you can make her your ex, the better. Hang in there. You’re doing great. I’m glad you’ve got a good attorney in your side.

My ex got so frustrated with being questioned about his finances by my lawyer during a joint meeting between me & my lawyer and my ex and his lawyer that he called his own lawyer and mine morons. Narcissists have a hard time not being assholes when they aren’t getting their way.

[This message edited by Vonbock at 2:21 PM, March 11th (Thursday)]

[This message edited by Vonbock at 9:46 PM, March 11th (Thursday)]

Did you tell the friend the truth?

My friend already knows the truth.

Ask the friend to spread the truth around to everyone

[This message edited by Vonbock at 9:47 PM, March 11th (Thursday)]

BS Only

[This message edited by SI Staff at 11:30 AM, October 16th (Friday)]

I agree with the above poster. All of the last second scrambing to get more money after you found out. The LLC, the large checks, the asking about buying a new car after being told you are going to file...Her reaction to you cutting up the joint credit card, seperating accounts... Even this 3,000 dollar bunkbed and odd credit card requests. Going from "if you move out we will try to work things out... to immedate, ASAP divorce via mediation.

Yes, it's normal for the WW to ask for the moon with the courts but there seems to be something more going on with her financially.

When you find out what was going on with her financially .... is more likely to make her settle in court and not go to trial.

Just keep moving forward.

Her behavior is shameless to be sure, but that's on a strictly emotional/respect level. What is alarming is her blatant moves on your money, assuming you'll pay without asking. That is what needs to be nipped in the bud, soonest.

How is that accountant doing? Is she cooperating?

[This message edited by Vonbock at 9:47 PM, March 11th (Thursday)]

What she thinks about it doesn’t matter in court. You should definitely bring all the evidence and knowledge that you have of the affair to court, keeping it a secret doesn’t benefit anyone - I don’t really think it gives you that much leverage, she’ll just say “yes I did because Vonbock was a terrible husband etc etc and try to justify it to not look bad.

Not that that would work in court (I don’t think they care that much and will have heard it all before) outside being a strong reason for why you want the divorce and depending on the laws where you are, help in regards to settlement.

She purchased the items on her card , then she tells me to reimburse her for everything charged on the card including makeup and gas on there. So I am.paying her to.look beautiful for her bf.

Stop giving her money. She can send receipts to you for purchases for the children and then, you only owe half of the amount.

A $3k bunk bed? Yeah, you need receipts.

[This message edited by Lalagirl at 12:38 PM, September 28th (Monday)]

Not that that would work in court (I don’t think they care that much and will have heard it all before) outside being a strong reason for why you want the divorce and depending on the laws where you are, help in regards to settlement.

I think its more in settlement. She won't get as much assets 55/45, maybe put some money back in pot thatshe used for bf, and maybe orders to not allow any guys in the house for 6 monthsto a year.

She just sent me a text saying that a full day of mediation is going to cost 13k. We could have used that money for our kids instead.

I wanted to shoot back, well you can use the money from your llc for the kids.

Is this just her griping or another sign she wants to get this done quickly?

[This message edited by Vonbock at 1:53 PM, September 29th (Tuesday)]

Do you have an idea of the settlement that would work for you? Can you propose that and tell her you'll save her the $13K. Maybe your attorney can say something about how she is responsible for any debts that she has not disclosed if found later?

I think she’s having a temper tantrum because you aren’t doing what she wants.

Ignore those kinds of texts. It’ll be hard to do, but it will serve you best in the long run.

A full day of mediation is not 13k. Sorry, you have attorneys, and are not going the mediation route so that's a bunch of bullshit. A good mediator on the West Coast is like $4500, so she is just making up nonsense to fuck with you. Also, you don't both get attorneys to use a mediator. You now have attorneys, there is no need for a mediator. Just respond back that you are using an attorney, so no need for mediator.

As others have said, stop listening to her. Look back at this thread Vonbock, and you will see that everything that we've said so far has been accurate. The best thing you can do for yourself is to not listen to anything she has to say. She is a narcissist and you react to her everytime is exactly what she wants.

Learn the grey rock method, its time you start instituting grey rock with your WW. All the kids stuff goes into text or email. Her asking for money, you can tell her to go thru your attorney. She can buy a $100k bed for all you care, you've already filed. You don't owe her that, and the judge will agree with you. She can buy 5 new cars, it doesn't matter. Its now on her. If she sends you a bill for the kids, just reply "this is not imperative, and I'm not paying for it. Unless it has to do with school or health, all other items goes thru the attorney." She has to come to you first to make sure you're okay with the purchase. If she is buying a bed for her new house with the kids, you don't owe her for that. Stop playing her game. She knows how to push your buttons.

Best thing you can do now is to stand up to her bullshit, push what you have to to the attorney. If you don't learn how to deal with her now, its going to continue after you get divorced. Once the attorneys are out of the picture, she is going to push you back and forth again. You need to set up your boundaries, put your foot down and learn to deal with your narcissistic exWW now. Let her know you're going to deal with her bullshit any longer. She has lost respect for you long ago, you maybe don't see this, but it has long been gone. You need to put boundaries in place now, establish ground rules for hers and your interaction going forward, even after the lawyers are gone.

Start by telling her that all charges on her own credit cards are now her own to pay, child support will be determined by the court and the lawyers and you'll be paying those accordingly. You need to mention to her that any purchases that are non essential for the kids need to be run by you before she goes and buys it, otherwise you're not paying. Write that in a couple of emails so that you have proof of what you told her. And lets be honest here, there aren't many non essential items left to purchase.

Hey, Vonbock, you need to bone up on some particulars so you can see this shit coming. Google, right now, this sentence:

"Adultery in Texas: Does Cheating Affect Alimony? | DivorceNet"

We are not allowed to post URLs on this site so I'm just suggesting it. I'm not sure if you know this but you are posting as if you don't-- adultery DOES impact alimony in your state (which I thought I heard you said was Texas). It's worth a read. She has a supremely vested interest in NOT BEING PORTRAYED AS AN ADULTERER IN COURT. Although Texas allows “no-fault” divorces, you can still file for divorce based on the fault of one spouse or the other, including adultery. I'm getting more and more dubious of your lawyer in this thing.

Next: Do your OWN research on mediation in Texas. The number she is quoting is astronomical. I only did minimal googling to indicate she has that number incredibly inflated, just to rape you a little more.

That accountant can't get ready soon enough. Maybe consult another lawyer, dude.

[This message edited by KingofNothing at 3:13 PM, September 29th (Tuesday)]

Does she know that you and your lawyer have hired a forensic accountant? Does she know that you know about her bf?

Her texts sound like she is trying to scare you, guilt you (kids) and control you (Narc). I still think she has alter motives for why she wants this to move along quickly. That she's hiding something it could have to do with the bf, the LLC, her sister...