SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Then she changed… She started dressing up, having her hair done and looking her best...

I really had to laugh about this story, cause I actually tried something comparable to this. Every time he came to pick up our son, I was dressed up and got right into my car to drive away. He always asked what I was doing, if and who I was meeting.

When he came to bring our son back, I would arrive a few minutes later in the same outfit. He again asked his questions, the second I got out of the car.

I don't know if it was jealousy or if he just wants to control me.

All of this lead up to this huge fight, where he called me a who** and said that I was constantly out and chatting up new men.

It got out of control and I stopped communication. Haven't heard anything from him in two weeks. Only this meeting between him and my dad where he picked up our son.

It bugs me, that he's alright with not talking to me. I know it shouldn't, but it does!

Apparently this shows that he just doesn't care anymore. Which in return makes me wonder how he can just leave all of this behind and start a new life, while I have so much trouble with a new start.

I am aware this child's parents already know - but I am thinking they were told a 'pretty story' about MaryLove and H being separated a 'long time.' That lie needs to be corrected and MaryLove you have the right to tell it all.

So after this weekend where he picked up our son from my Dad, I thought he didn't mind not seeing me. It seemed like he didn't care at all.

WRONG.

Today he texted that he wanted to see his son more often and while we were discussing this, he turned angry and wrote: "You didn't see how sad he was, when I had to leave again. Cause YOU WEREN'T THERE for pick-up. TWO TIMES!"

And complained that I should stop calling him by his full name. I know how much he hates that. But no more nicknames for my soon-to-be-ex-husband.

"I had no clue son was "so sad" because he seemed fine when dad brought him home. Dad said drop off went fine,and son seemed happy to be home. If son is so sad, that would be normal. His father blew up his family,and he is trying to adapt to this new reality. However, as mentioned so seemed happy and glad to be home. I will not be at drop offs. It is better for the child not to be subjected to the animosity you have shown to me at other drop offs.

We are not friends. We have nothing to discuss expect important things dealing with children,and finances. Please do not contact me about anything else. "

What does your attorney say about custody and visitation?

Is it possible to have a pre-divorce custody schedule? It generally is and it tends to be echoed in the final agreement. There is no requirement for both the spouses to be present at hand-off. Often it’s done at daycare – one parent brings the kid on a Monday morning and the other picks it up in the afternoon – so don’t fret about his angry pouts.

Often to justify bad or wrong behavior people use indignation. The reason he’s so angry is to justify how he acts. I know it doesn’t make sense, but to HIM it makes sense. In his infidelity-brain he’s going “well… MAYBE I should have divorced first, but I was being all nice and willing to sacrifice my personal happiness to create a family for my son. But when this Fairy Princess entered my life change was inevitable. After all MayLove spends all her time on the phone and look! She dresses like a whore and she cares so little about me and the child she’s not even there when I hand him over.”

Like I said: Doesn’t make sense to the average person, but to him its so logical.

Personally, I wouldn’t bother answering him. Don’t feed his ego.

You might notice I’m big on this: the non-drama, ok get out of my life stance. He cheated, he decided she was the honey-pot he wanted, he lists all these faults you have. You could spend a lot of emotional effort in making him acknowledge that infidelity is wrong, that he should have done this some other way or that the faults he lists are false or whatever. But even if that happened then what? Instead I’m more for the “OK – this is what you want so this is how we go about it. These are the laws, the rules and the norms with divorce. Thank you for half your company, here is half our debt and here is our son from noon every second Thursday to noon next Wednesday. Have a nice life. See you at his graduation.”

HellFire: I like your reply. Gonna use it next time this happens. And I'm sure this won't be the last time he's trying this.

Bigger: He and I agreed on every two weeks, Saturday and Sunday. But our son sleeps at home as he is having trouble with sleeping and it's only a fifteen minute drive from one house to the other.

Suddenly he wants more time with our son. Which is probably only my mother-in-laws doing. My attorney said to not give in. If he wants more time with him, he has to inform youth welfare office. That's how it's handled in our country.

Last Saturday my in-laws weren't with him while he had our son and he forgot to feed him! Also our son complained to me that daddy doesn't have any kind of playthings at home. And as it seems he's introduced his new girlfriend to our kid... what a good idea to kiss your girlfriend in front of a two-year old who doesn't know what's even happening at the moment.

Only a few days later and I'm already relieved, that I didn't send that letter. We found out by coincidence, that a good friend of my cousin's best friend is working with the father of the girl. The father told his colleagues that his daughter has a new boyfriend, who is a little bit older. So 13 years is a little bit. Good to know.

I'm applying for a new job, have made some new friends in my son's playgroup and I can keep from stalking my EH on social media. Thats the positiv side.

On the other hand I'm thinking a lot about the past. I miss our life, the conversations, all the fun we had. And I wonder how can he sleep at night... in his former children's room - our office, that I set up - in his parents house. I wonder what he'd been thinking when he started the affair. Leaving me out of this - as he seemed to have problems with me (that he should have told me, so that we could have worked on them). But there are so many other things. He must have known, that he wouldn't see his son as often anymore. That he'd lose all of my family and relatives, who he adored. He also lost all of our friends (as most of them were my friends when we started dating). And to top it of I managed his business - he must know that he's not capable of doing this on his own. How will he make it work. I'm sure that teenage girl won't help him while she's studying for graduations.

I know all of this is not my problem and I should concentrate on my life, but I can't shake these thoughts of. Is his brain that full of fog, that he's only thinking about bedding her?

From what I heard he is now friends with people of the age of 17-19. All of them former driving school students and probably classmates or whatever of the girl. It's like he's been put into a time machine and he's back in his 20s.

His 30th birthday was in January. I remember him being in a bad mood weeks before his birthday. I couldn't understand at the time. I turned 30 a few months before and embraced it. I was so content with my life. Married, Healthy, Family, Friends, Little Baby Boy... I tried to brighten his mood. Told him, how much we had achieved and what a wonderful life lay before us. If I had only known.

So I'm wondering.. is the fog lifting already.. or is he just trying to manipulate me again.

I haven't talked to him for four weeks. Haven't seen him either.

Today we had to communicate though because of some documents concerning our son.

He's been ultra friendly. After every message saying "Thank you".

And the last message he sent he ended it with: "I wish the both of you a great day. How are you doing?"

I didn't respond.

Now he wrote me if he could call me later concerning these documents. I don't want to talk to him. But I have to know what going on with those documents. Why can't he just write it. Why do I have to hear his voice!

He is trying to "hoover" you or suck you back in. He is manipulating you to get want he wants. He has NOT changed into the man you need him to be, he is only pretending right now to get you to do what he wants. Don't be fooled, he is still a perverted jackwagon that only thinks of himself.

Be strong. If you get sucked back in, you are only prolonging your misery. Keep moving forward so that you can be happy! I am rooting for you!

Why can't he just write it.

He can just write the questions down. I'd just reply that you're really busy because of Thanksgiving and can't schedule a call but will make sure to get back with him via text any questions he has about the documents.

He may be fishing but he might also want to talk about his relationship with this girl and'm hear your reaction. I'm sure he misses talking to you but that doesn't mean he would give up his young girlfriend. He just wants both. Want's to check to make sure you are pining for him.

Talking to him is only going to bring up new hurt. Have him text his questions.

So I told him, that I wouldn't be talking to him and he can write me a text message or write me. Now he's freaking out!

"Where are you"

"Why won't you talk to me"

"Where is our son"

"Why wouldn't you be able to talk to me"

"This is not funny"

I think it's hilarious.

He thinks you are with someone right now and can't talk with him in the room...wonder why that would enter his mind??? oh because he's a cheater.

I'd just let him know that you are doing fantastic, son is fine. Text me any questions you have and I'll get back to you by COB.

Try to keep things professional. Kids and finances only. No need to answer his texts right away unless they are urgent.

He fired you from the job of wife, you don't need a friend like him... he's the father of your child. You can keep things professional for you're son but you don't need to do more than that.

He thinks you are with someone right now and can't talk with him in the room...wonder why that would enter his mind??? oh because he's a cheater.

Try to keep things professional. Kids and finances only. No need to answer his texts right away unless they are urgent.

Oh I can be professional alright

After trying to convince me for two! hours to take his phone call... cause it was oh so important and far to complicate to write... he surrendered.

Told me I was being childish and he was able to write his questions down in 3 sentences. I'm so proud of him

He's probably running around now... telling everyone how right he was in leaving me cause I'm far to stubborn and that I'm hell-bent on getting my way... just like he told me when he left. 🤣

He's probably running around now... telling everyone how right he was in leaving me cause I'm far to stubborn and that I'm hell-bent on getting my way... just like he told me when he left. 🤣

Nobody is going to believe him. They will probably take it as he want's to be the boss in the relationship... fitting since he dateing a child.

Cheater brain is a term I made up to describe the delusional behavior of many cheaters.

The thinking that I’m going to leave my spouse and family for the OW/OM, destroy everything, negativity impact my children, cause drama in my friendships and with extended family — but yet everyone will be happy for me because I found “true love” is the dumbest thing ever. Yet many cheaters are of this mind set.

They cannot fathom the idea that the world is not celebrating their choices and behavior.

Good for you for not responding to him. You are showing him he’s not in control of you any longer. He cannot make demands of you. He has no ability to have any expectations from you.

And he can say whatever he wants about you or your marriage. No one will believe it b/c he’s dating a minor. Someone who will eventually move on from him if she has any common sense. Or who will get tired of being bossed around by him one day and hopefully come to her senses. She’s certainly not step-mother material. That’s for sure.

I’m fairly certain her teen aged friends are laughing at her behind her back. They probably don’t understand her choice to date an older man (I use the term “man” loosely here).

[This message edited by The1stWife at 4:56 AM, November 24th (Tuesday)]

Today we had to communicate though because of some documents concerning our son.

He's been ultra friendly. After every message saying "Thank you".

And the last message he sent he ended it with: "I wish the both of you a great day. How are you doing?"

I didn't respond.

You are doing so well right now in keeping things professional and ignoring, crumbs that he is dropping. At some point he may question his relationship with the girl... but it might be a passing thought... He wants to make sure you are still an option during these whims...

There have been many BS that have taken back their WS over crumbs only to lose them again when the wind changes.

He's offering crumbs... he still doesn't understand the impact his decisions have made... he is only now getting the message that you might not be "waiting" for him.

I agree with the above poster. At some point the girl is going to question why she's with this old guy... realize he's not a sugar daddy... realize she's missing out on her young years... and because she has no morals (hooked with a married man) she's not going to let her relationship hold her back.

@ The1stWife

The thinking that I’m going to leave my spouse and family for the OW/OM, destroy everything, negativity impact my children, cause drama in my friendships and with extended family — but yet everyone will be happy for me because I found “true love” is the dumbest thing ever. Yet many cheaters are of this mind set.

Oh my this is exactly what he's thinking. He really thought he could come back here and play with his son in his room.... or in our garden. I was like "WTF? If you leave.. you leave. There's no: a bit here a bit there."

He was also truly shocked that my relatives don't greet him anymore. He was like "Why is no one greeting me anymore?" –> Why would they? You are not part of this family anymore..

I’m fairly certain her teen aged friends are laughing at her behind her back.

You can bet on that. She has a model figure.. while he is overweight, known for being a poser. Don't get me wrong.. I fell in love with him cause he was such a wonderful man.. with me. But he wasn't before we got together.

@Freeme

He's offering crumbs... he still doesn't understand the impact his decisions have made... he is only now getting the message that you might not be "waiting" for him.

You think that's crumbs?

I don't know... I think he's trying to be nice cause my mother-in-law wants to have our son more often. And I'm not okay with that.

The reason I say her friends are laughing at her is b/c I had a friend in HS (18 at the time) who started dating one of our teachers from HS. He was living with her and her family.

If we made plans to go out she would say to him “is it ok to go to a bar with my friends tomorrow?” We would laugh b/c none of us had to consult a loser BF living with our families. It cracked us up.

PS the relationship with my friend snd the teacher ended right before she went to college. She realized he was a loser.

The reason I say her friends are laughing at her is b/c I had a friend in HS (18 at the time) who started dating one of our teachers from HS. He was living with her and her family.

If we made plans to go out she would say to him “is it ok to go to a bar with my friends tomorrow?” We would laugh b/c none of us had to consult a loser BF living with our families. It cracked us up.

PS the relationship with my friend snd the teacher ended right before she went to college. She realized he was a loser.

One of my friends has a daughter whose attending the same school as HER. She told me a few things about what kind of person she is...

If we had cheerleaders in our country she would be the first. She's doing everything: singing, ballet, violin, piano, student exchange...

She wants to be center of attention, wherever she is.

I really wonder, what she wants form my husband. He loves staying at home. When he's with someone he's clingy...

He's just plain normal. All he does is work, watch TV or drive his car.