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I want this to sound normal, but it just doesn't.

I (sadly) keep remembering how you did all the work post dday, because you know--your depression was so hard to live with. What else could she do?

But I don't remember her doing any work to look at why cheating was a solution to her husband's depression. (I mean, do healthy people ever think, "I think it's best to make my loved one's depression worse! Because I just don't know how to handle it"???)

I want to be wrong. I want everyone to be more self-aware and kinder and wiser than I think they are. I hope she surprises me.

((((Barcher))))

On my phone...

She seeemed unconcerned when she got home. I asked to see her phone and she immediately handed it over. I found nothing of concern there. The phone number was of a neighbor... my daughter is babysitting there on Monday.

All is good for now...

A friend of mine had set up a boundary with her H that they would only use toys when with each other.

Maybe a new boundary is needed for your situation?

This is good news. Super happy the phone number checked out ok. Try to enjoy your time away!!!!!

The more think about this, the more I think I can buy her story. But I think it's not so much to make her wet,but moreso to get her fires started, so to speak. You know, get some sexual energy built up. I can totally understand that.

I don't know. Still sounds fishy. I am a woman, I have used toys to warm up, no way that far in advance. Be vigilant. I hope I am wrong.

I’m glad things are checking out.

I’m glad the phone checked out. I hope the rest dies as well

We don’t use toys so I really have no idea what I’m talking about but if doesn’t sound right to me to try to get wet that far before.

Kids are a huge damper on a sex drive and I agree with the person who said she will dry up. What’s the point doing it that far before.

My personal opinion of what took place, based on you saying your self lives haven’t been great lately is that she took it so she could orgasm and didn’t want you to know about it.

Sounds weird tomdi it at work or on the way home but that’s my take.

My wh used to kill over to the side of the road to masturbate

Then come home and I for no sex for weeks.

Any chance your sexy life isn’t great because she is fulfilling herself without you?

No. That makes no sense. Sorry, but no. When I was coming home to make dinner and do homework with my kids, I wouldn't be revving myself up for something that may or may not happen hours later. I'm sorry and I hope it works our for you.

It sounds strange to me also and doesn’t seem to make much sense. But it might not be a sign of cheating (or it might be, I don’t know). Maybe it’s poor communication. Does your wife have differences from the average person in the way she reasons and communicates about things that might better explain this? My wife has Asperger’s Syndrome and does some weird things sometimes. To me it seems odd but to her it makes perfect sense and when it all checks out afterward the actions are 100% innocent. She also doesn’t explain herself well when caught off guard or when flustered and it takes a while to get to what she actually meant. The way your wife explained her reasons for taking the egg doesn’t make any sense to me and she could definitely be lying, but does she struggle to clearly explain herself with other things too not affair related? After all, you know her better than we do.

I think we should all back off now. Barcher is with her and he'll figure it out. He's been doing well and my take on it is, his wife loves him and wants to please him and make him happy. She might have taken the toy out in the A.M. so she'd already have it in her bag for once the kids were dropped off; if their house is anything like ours trying to get everyone out the door, she'd have had a hard time finding the free time to lock herself away to go into the safe without a kid bursting into the room or someone yelling to her asking where their bathing suit is or Jimmy hitting Suzy and them both yelling "MOM!!!!!!!" Or, maybe she's the type that likes getting worked up and having to wait hours for the big payoff.

And, with all due respect to her, she's got her own set of baggage to deal with still and that might be affecting her and maybe this is her way of making sure it's wonderful for barcher. Which would explain why she lied about it.

None of us know and we're all just guessing. He'll figure it out.

But regardless, she wasn’t transparent.

That’s a problem. Regardless what it is about.

Reconciliation requires transparency. About everything. About how much corn was in your poop, about masturbation, about what turns you on, etc. if your partner asks, then be transparent.

How stupid would she BE to use your regular cell phone/texting services if she were texting or calling someone she didn't want you to know about?

Obviously, she knows you have access to the cell bill (or whatever your source is) and can monitor what she's doing, so she'd have to be completely brain dead to do anything you could plainly see.

My point is, just because she wasn't foolish enough to use her cell phone when she KNOWS you can monitor who she calls or texts doesn't mean "all's well."

There are burner phones and tons and tons of chat/texting/video apps out there and just WAY too many sneaky apps to hide what you're doing. Way too many.

I don't believe her story for one minute. I'm sorry, I don't.

Honestly, barcher, we cannot know anything. You live with her, know how she spends her time, how she acts. Disregard the negativity (BTWG) if you feel it's totally off base. We only know what you tell us, and then we project the rest. You're welcome! 😂🤣

[This message edited by OwningItNow at 11:54 AM, July 21st (Saturday)]

This^^^^^^^^^^^^^. OwningItNow is spot on.

I unexpectedly have wifi.

I don't think that "everything" is okay with the marriage. I am still suspicious, but that's nothing new. I have trust issues. The sun comes up tomorrow.

Yes, it's weird that she did that. But, weird is not against any boundaries.

I was trying to update you all to say that I was okay/safe.... which I think is pertinent given my past history.

Thanks barcher. Take care.

Thanks for checking in Barch! Hmm trust issues though...a BS with trust issues - go figure!! You’re not alone in that Barcher...it’s but one of the common denominators we have on this side of infidelity.

Yo man. I agree that does not compute. It would throw me off too. I'd be looking for a second phone in her car. Not now since the suspicion was communicated but like a week from now once its back to norm. Its definitely a red flag. I mean, would you touch yourself while driving?

Guess anything is possible. And truckers and other folks that do solo road trips for 10+ hours probably have done it. idk. Keep your eyes open bro.

This is the trust issue coming back in full force and why you need closure on this in order to truly R. You had all these questions and concerns because you don’t trust your wife. Because you don’t have the full story and have never gotten the answers you needed. Whether this was an issue or not is IMHO irrelevant. It’s the underlying trust issue that is the problem because it leaves you unsure and insecure in your M.

Focus on this. It’s a tough road but necessary if you want to R.