SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

There are several reasons: the rise of phone based apps, the burn the witch crowd that descends upon the new betrayed husbands, the tendency to be ego invested in your own choice to the point of arguing it is the only option for other people, and the heavy handed and capricious moderation in certain subforums.

I find this website has the potential to offer different points of views and IN THEORY it offers a space both for the WS and the BS.

Its limitations are in my opinion the fact some people impose how to deal with affairs in a very rigid way and are extremely judgemental and do not allow for other views.

Also whilst I understand the need to have rules, some are implemented maybe a bit too rigidly and people who are already distraught by what their married life gas become would like to see a bit more empathy. When they feel the empathy is not there, they just flee.

[This message edited by Fantastic at 3:32 AM, Monday, November 11th]

I’ve only been on SI a little over a year and while I can’t speak to the interaction here prior to my time, I’ve found it to be helpful and supportive of my healing journey. While I haven’t looked on the "web" per se for infidelity support forums, I initially joined several FB groups and found most of them to be full of "keyboard warriors" offering no thoughtful or constructive advice like SI. After a couple months of being apart of several infidelity groups, I knew I wasn’t getting anything other then added stress and frustration. I left every single group to become "exclusive" with SI 😂

I have noticed and experienced some "harsh" responses on some posts, but I have learned to "take what I need and leave the rest." I think many people here truly have everyone’s best interest at heart, and I can see how (in particular a newly BS) might not want to hear or is not ready to hear those hard truths.

There are some wonderful and wise "old timers" here that I very much look forward to seeing and reading responses from. Not only is it "nice" to see many people that I can relate to here, it is amazingly comforting to see so many people who have come out on the other side of this, whether they R or D.

I am going to continue to visit this site (sometimes, multiple times per day) to vent, seek advice, and to support other BS. This has been my only outlet to go to where people genuinely understand the shoes I’m waking in.

I don’t know what this site could do to increase it’s usage other than maybe secretly promote promiscuity... (to be clear – that is a tongue-in-cheek comment). If you visit other infidelity sites you can quickly see that they are (probably) dealing with the same issue. One popular site shows when their forum was last updated, and it’s common to see hours and even days.

The demise in forum-activity is not limited or bound to this site or infidelity sites. I participate in another (non-infidelity) forum and we have noticed significant decrease in usage, reading and contributions on that forum.
I have a friend who owns a very large and popular forum, and he has shared with me that his advertising income has decreased by half each year for the last 3-4 years and how he’s barely covering cost. He has done extensive work to update his site for mobiles, easier texting and all that, but his conclusion is that although it might slow the demise it wont turn things around. He’s looking into a subscription-only format. Something his very-specific-but-popular forum might be able to do and survive.

To be clear: SI does not have or seek advertising income and is to my knowledge funded by user-subscriptions, contributions and the pocket of its founder. I guess this is a big reason why technically this site has a hard time developing and changing to meet newer or added demands.

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I want to refer to the guidelines and point out that questions on Staff actions are to be directed at the mods and not in a public forum.
I do however think I can safely say that one thing that surprised me on becoming a member of staff is how seldom staff-action is required and it’s generally when one of the relatively simple guidelines or forum-specific rules is broken.
Generally, actions are discussed between the admins, mods, attaché, and guides and a consensus is reached before most actions. The exception being blatant breaches that need immediate response to prevent possible damage, and those actions are reviewed (and even changed) when more staff contribute. As a rule – when you see Staff Action – you can assume there is a lot going on behind the scenes.

In nearly all instances the one considered in breach is offered guidance. The posts sent to those in breach are moderate and guiding and in most cases the user is offered a way to change his forum-interactions. Bans are relatively seldom applied, and generally require blatant intent (such as users created to solicitate business) or repeated breaking of guidelines. I think I can safely share that other than bans due to spam and soliciting the feared ban-hammer hasn’t been wielded for several months...

This is an interesting discussion. As a relative newcomer (been here for a few years now), I really dont have a baseline of experience to compare it to. I will say that I have found this site to be helpful and enlightening in my pursuit of understanding. I am also active on other sites dealing with infidelity.

As I have reached out to both betrayeds and waywards on other sites, I have recommended that they post their stories over here for more in depth responses. To my knowledge, not one has followed up.

To Owls point, I think that a sentence or 1 paragraph long responses (max) is all they (follow on gens) are used too and/or have a tolerance for. Im not saying anything should change over here, just that the differentiators on this site set it apart from the brevity of posts and responses on others. Lets face it, attention spans continue to narrow.

That said, the same differentiator is why I have found more insight and resulting understanding here. Its like reading Google news bullet points vs picking up a copy of the Times (particularly the editorial section) 😁.

There is really nothing to do/change. Just keep on keeping on. Less mass participation does not equal anachronism.

When I started lurking here 9 years ago, I found this General Forum overwhelmingly busy. After joining SI 2 years later (took me that long as I was so shamed to talk about my sordid story), I pretty much hung out in SI's I Can Relate forum, since it was created for other BS like me who suffer not only from the shock of being betrayed, but of trying to understand the inner working of such cold-bloodedness as some Waywards have. Before finding SI, I'd spent many years reading and trying to grasp anything helpful from another internet forum where the great majority of members get advised on "how to break the affair fog," n/a for my WH.

Just saying that today, it can feel like being one of the gang hanging out at the Moose Club for lunch or something, comforting because you get to know people's back stories better without the overwhelming number of 'newbies.' I do miss a couple dear friends, one of whom became a daily pen pal via email - and then one day, she disappeared suddenly after many years here helping others as she helped me. (I hope Marji is doing okay, if she ever stops in or if anyone has an update.)

[This message edited by Superesse at 2:58 PM, Monday, November 11th]

the burn the witch crowd that descends upon the new betrayed husbands

SI, when compared to all other infidelity type sites I’ve seen, would by far be the least guilty of this. For one example, let’s just say any other response gets downvoted into oblivion on one of those sites.

^^^^^

gr8ful is 100% correct.

There is one very popular website where the newly betrayed gets overwhelmed with "get out of your relationship immediately, if not sooner". The 2X4s there are a lot more harsh than anything I have ever seen on this website.

[This message edited by lrpprl at 9:35 PM, Monday, November 11th]

I find that most times someone has already said what I was thinking. So there is no need to reply and to be honest I am not as elegant with my words.

^ posting that you agree with so and so’s advice is good though. It can help the original poster build consensus on their question or dilemma.