I emailed the OW a few weeks after D-Day. In the days after I confronted him, WH had a couple of break-up conversations with her in which he expressed the need for NC. These were late-night conversations on D-Day and the next day after I had gone to bed. I didn't get to hear exactly what was said or agreed to. So, I took it upon myself to email her and clearly state my boundaries and expectations for her.
I totally tried to take the high road. I told her I wasn't writing to berate her or call her names. I simply wanted her to know that WH and I expected her to respect our boundaries. She was not to attempt to contact him by any means. I had access to his phone, email, Facebook, etc. and I would see if she tried to reach him. I also told her that he would be telling me if she tried to contact him and that we would be responding together (if we felt a response was even warranted). I also told her not to think she knows anything about me, my life, our relationship or our marriage. I know he told her some things that weren't true to gain her sympathy and make himself appear vulnerable. She, in turn, also fed him a load of crap to reel him in. I reminded her that as much as he was lying to me, he was also lying to her.
I had noticed immediately that she blocked me on Facebook (we were never friends but I was able to see her profile before), while attempting to remain friends with him. I watched as he unfriended her and blocked her from seeing his profile or attempting to friend him. Just last week, I noticed that she had suddenly unblocked me on Facebook. I suspect she didn't like not being able to see his posts, so she unblocked me in an attempt to get a glimpse into our lives. I promptly blocked her ass! Now I'm the one in control.
In the email I laid out, in detail, the places she needed to stay away from. He is heavily involved in our local theater scene, both as an actor and a volunteer. She started coming down (she lives about 35 miles away) and going to shows, volunteering on his committees, getting to know his friends, etc. He says he introduced her as a co-worker who likes theater and wanted to donate and help out. He said they kept it professional and cordial whenever she was around. I warned her to stay away from our local theater events, especially if she knew he was going to be there. I told her I would be taking her place on the volunteer committees and that her services were no longer needed. I also suggested that she spend her new-found free time dealing with the issues in her own marriage, and examining her own morals and values.
She never responded, which I suppose was to be expected. Thanks to trickle-truth, I found out a few weeks later that she had been in our house a few times and they had done it on our couch. This angered me all over again, so I fired off another email. I said, "You know, I thought perhaps you would have a shred of decency left and would respond to my last email. I thought you might say something simple like, 'I understand your boundaries and will respect them.' But no, you have no decency. I should have known as much when you snuck into my house through the garage. I very much expect that you will stay away from my family. We need the space and the privacy to heal. Be gone. Stay gone."
Of course, she still didn't respond. I don't expect her to. I'd just better not see her face anywhere in our vicinity! The really funny (and sad) thing was that she sent WH a long email the day after D-Day. He never even read it! I know he didn't because I saw it for the first time last week and it hadn't even been opened. It turns out she got the idea that they should create secret email accounts a few months ago, which didn't make sense because WH only has one phone and one laptop. Any accounts he's using will show up on his devices. He says he forgot about the secret account since he never thought it was necessary and never really used it. He didn't check it after D-Day (which I believe due to the email being unread). I opened it and read it to WH. Man, this woman is a piece of work! She listed the "conditions" under which he should agree to R with me! She discussed my "antiquated" view of marriage (that spouses shouldn't cheat), my strict moral code under which I force him to live (again, that spouses shouldn't cheat)! She admonished me for "tracking him like an animal" because our family is connected by a "find my friends" app that he would frequently turn off and on when he was with her. I noticed months earlier that he sometimes turned it off. That made me suspicious, but I (stupidly) didn't pursue it with him. I hardly "tracked him like an animal." Anything he said about me watching the app like a hawk was his own fear. My favorite part was her admonishing me for watching our bank account and credit card! She was ticked off because he was never able to pay for anything when they were together. I routinely check the credit card for fraud because we've had that happen a few times. I also always know how much is in our checking account because I pay the bills, transfer money to savings, etc. That poor little b-word had to pay for everything because I am responsible enough to stay on top of our finances! Boo-hoo!!! She felt used in more ways than one. She also said she "deserved" to spend her birthday with him (which was just a few days after D-Day). She said he should put his foot down and tell me that they would be going out "as friends" to celebrate her birthday and to wind-down their "relationship." Oh well. He never even read the email. I'm also positive that he would not have asked me to "allow" a final meeting between them. Nor do I think he even wanted one. Poor thing. She got ghosted right before her birthday.
In my last email, I told her I did not plan to contact her again unless she decided to violate our boundaries. I added that I hope further conversation will not be necessary. She can bite me!
[This message edited by FireandWater at 1:13 AM, Wednesday, May 18th]
