SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I dunno, I know a lot of girl gamers and I'm way into sci-fi and fantasy books. I think a lot of us are wired that way, we just culturally wind up expected to do stuff like housework and cooking and childcare and literally don't have the time to do a gaming tournament at home. It's somehow more allowed for the husband/father to be in front of the computer for hours.

So those women are out there for sure. They just might not advertise it as much, lol.

Exactly! Fortunately the stigma of what a "gamer" is is going away, it's not the stereotype 40 year old dude in his parent's basement anymore. You have corporate professionals, pro athletes, all walks of life. I still love going downtown for the nightlife, hiking, fishing, bowling (I'm in a league), trying new restaurants. But when I'm at home not going out I have my sci fi shows, board, card and video games. Last thing I want in my life is someone who only watches sitcoms and cooking shows, LOL.

My main point is that common interests are just as important as attraction when exploring the world of OLD. If the only common thing in a couple's life is the bedroom, then the relationship isn't going to last very long.

[This message edited by BetrayedGamer at 12:15 PM, May 30th (Sunday)]

Lifetoshort, last summer I decided to treat OLD dating like I treat my business (recruiting). In recruiting, you need to meet X number of people before you find The One you want to hire. So I decided to go on many first dates and then start screening from there.

I met my guy on Facebook Dating (used Tinder and Bumble to varying success but found Facebook Dating to be the best quality pool of people around me).

I went on 8 first dates last June/July. Then I had 4 second dates July/August. Yes, during a pandemic. I found it super easy to say "no touching" and blame covid. All dates were outside, walking around with a coffee or other drink. Ultimately my guy wasn't the one I was physically attracted to at first, but we have sooooooooo much in common that our conversations were the most natural and fun.

Our first date was a walking date. Our second date was using his huge telescope to watch the stars (he made a picnic). Our third date was a drive-in movie - he showed up with flowers, he baked cookies, and he bought an assortment of snacks since he didn't yet know what I liked. After each date, he would follow up and stay in contact. Since our third date, we've been together. Introduced all of the kids to each other about 4 months in. We aren't living together until his youngest leaves the house, but he's The One for me.

I didn't believe I would meet someone like my guy, but here he is <3

I hope everyone finds someone like I've found mine <3

aww, what a great story. I think thats a great idea to power thru it and get it all done vs put all your eggs in one basket hoping that one person could be it when likely they wont be. we do have 8 billion people to choose from.

I like to just be able to see whats out there but Im also not quite ready. I need to make sure I have the right clothing for a proper date out (Im a casual boho type girl) and I want to be able to go in trusting that I can see the red or green flags. also, I want to eventually walk away with a hot fit, active guy on my arm vs the slob I was with prior. I want to flaunt that newbie to prove I definitely leveled up to my worth. I deserve so much better then what I had, and I know that! Now let's find him this year.

For me, maybe you will find the same. I didn’t trust my instincts enough.

Because of low confidence and self esteem I tended to think there is something wrong with me. They had to be ok.

Upon reflection my instincts were there. I now just try to listen more and to make them “louder”.

For OLD .... I am out when.

- they talk sex in the first 10 exchanges

- post photos of themselves on their bed

- post topless photos

- post photos where you can’t see their face.

- no photos and no profile details.

- and if they are not respectful in tone

I had one guy creeped me out this week. He said as his first hello.... do not fret. Your time will come. And his profile was psycho babble.

Be careful folks. Listen to your first instincts.

yeah I know what you mean.

also excessively odd answers, or not trying, or no info on profile and when you ask they say what do you want to know. OMG then you may as well run if you need to WORK to get a guy to tell you anything. like what are on you here for then? I mean I know...

I already hate the idea of dating lol.

I definitely don't trust my picker/instincts anymore. Seems I'm only attracted to the A-holes. I can't risk my mental health again like that. So I don't see dating happening for at least a couple more years. I didn't think my healing was going to be this difficult. Lot's to unpack unfortunately.

For OLD .... I am out when.

- they talk sex in the first 10 exchanges

- post photos of themselves on their bed

- post topless photos

- post photos where you can’t see their face.

- no photos and no profile details.

- and if they are not respectful in tone

Yup, all of this plus:

-post pictures of themselves with an attractive member of the opposite sex

-profile exudes bitterness and anger

-monosyllabic conversation

-they seek you out, you respond and they are gone

-they are looking for a ‘soulmate’ or ‘partner in crime’. Statistically, those are the ones who talk sex first

-they ask for your number without ‘earning’ it

I have been crazy dating in the last two months and went on 10 first dates. I find that red flags tend to show up on the second date. First date there’s a lot of ground to cover, talking about life and past experiences. It feels more like an interview. Second date is the one where you start getting a sense of a person. Unfortunately for me, I am very sensitive to red flags. Too sensitive perhaps

-they are looking for a ‘soulmate’ or ‘partner in crime’. Statistically, those are the ones who talk sex first

Ha ha ha, that's the truth! And it kills me! When I started online dating in my late 30s I was blown away by that! "Looking for my soulmate and someone to treasure life with" and the first contact you get is a dick pic.

When I started online dating in my late 30s I was blown away by that! "Looking for my soulmate and someone to treasure life with" and the first contact you get is a dick pic.

I call them the ‘unsophisticated predator’