SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

The astronomical references went right over my head... but I'm assuming that you're feeling strong with your decision. That's good.

I still think it would be wise to avoid your WW sexually and emotionally right now. You've had a nasty shock, and frankly, sexual intimacy involves the release of hormones and adrenals which can make it more difficult to break the bond. The quicker you distance yourself, the less likely you are to get bogged down in the depression stage of grief.

Well, black hole jets (relativistic jets) are probably the most luminous objects in the universe. There are some that are visible right at the edge of visible universe - i.e. ~14 billion light years away.

Yes, I will try to avoid her as much as possible. As for release of hormones or anything else - if that cold that I'm feeling inside somehow manifested physically, her ass should have fallen off after sex.

if that cold that I'm feeling inside...

That's most likely shock, DHH, which is why I'm urging you to caution. You've had a bad blow, some numbing is typical. I just don't want you to end up with your emotions even more complicated when the shock abates. Be super gentle with yourself.

I am so sorry that you made this discovery, but it is kind of a relief to finally find out what you knew all along was true, isn't it?

ChamomileTea, yes, that's what it is, I fully realize that.

mharris, yes, it is kind of relief, but I didn't knew it all along. I just started suspecting 1-2 weeks ago. I was sure I got full truth.

DHH, good for you. I hope you come out of the D with the lions share of everything. I don't know where you live. I don't live in the US either but where I am, infidelity means nothing in a D. Its always 50/50

If my WH cheats again (or I find out there were more in the past), I'll be looking for you guys to help me do what you are doing. Shock and awe will be what I want if he is capable of hurting me again like that.

I feel like this is providing you with a distraction and distance. I hope you are able to maintain the distance and please be aware of your feelings and take care of yourself.

Good luck and I hope your plans work out for you.

Just a thought, if you confront her shock and awe style, you give her resolution.

If you really want to #$% with her head, just ghost her. Share nothing of your heart with her ever again. Ever. She deserves no piece of it. Just let her wonder, I promise it will eat her up all the way into the grave.

Something to consider...

Sending strength!

I am a firm believer in going nuclear. I would just make sure your in line with what your lawyer says when doing it. I would also be prepared for the worst once she is outed. Carry a var at all times.

Good for you for standing up for yourself.

C

Came home from work tonight all so clingy and sweet... Probably feeling some guilt or something ... until next dick comes into view.

HouseOfPlane, ghosting her would probably be the best revenge emotionally, but this doesn't go well with my other plans. I'm concentrating on myself and my kids, these little devils...

DHH - you've clearly got your shit together. Add that to all the great advice you get here at SI and I almost feel sorry for your WW. And when I say "almost," I mean "not at all."

My only 2 cents is that I think you should stop with the sex - that one more time may be the one where you catch something. It's so not worth it. Remember, she'll be totally f*cked soon enough.

As the victim of a serial cheating WW myself, pardon me if I enjoy following you as you take total control of this awful situation you're in. Good for you DHH. I'm cheering you on, minion cartoon guys or not...

I would like to get names of her ONS (for OBS).

I would like to find out who OMs are.

DHH, good that you are fast tracking getting your ducks in a row. Fast tracking the shock and awe might preclude learning the names. Your attorney may or may not need the names based on your laws. You could put your PI on it. Think through what you would do with the information. I get the motivation for the ONS OBS. What about the others?

When you go shock and awe you're going to go NC with her aren't you? So you're not going to throw the names back in her face.

I support your wanting to know the names. Just think strategically about what parts/pieces of your plan are absolutes and what parts are "nice to haves". Strategic thinking means getting the best deal for you and your kids.

Good plan. Keep your D action and her impending move under wraps until everything's ready. Then hit her with it all at once. Prepare for anger, yelling, blame shifting, tears, etc. and have a response ready. You may also want a witness present or perhaps record it so she can't accuse you of anything untoward. Protect yourself.

I'm for one hating that this thread exists, but absolutely loving the astronomy references. You should see my dad's set up!

Good luck in your proceedings.

I'm so sorry. You seem like a very kind man. Your wife is a fool to treat you like this. Please take care of yourself.

I've already deduced name of last AP (as I understood, they fucked several times, so not ONS). To some 0.7 probability, maybe more. Tomorrow will do some more detective work.

Not to be a dick, but why do you care who OM(s) is? You know this is all on your wife - she's the girl offering free, no-strings sex to him. Yes, he's a jerk for fucking a married woman but, after all, he's just a horny guy. This is on HER.

Your whole story is so God Damn cliche it pisses me off. Why can't us men learn from the experience of others? So many of our stories play out exactly like yours - only the names & dates are different. For your own sake, for your kids sake, end this bullshit and start a new life. You deserve an end to this fucking pain, shame, and drama....

Because that douche's wife deserves to know too.

ok Dark,

You say you want D advice and I can see that you are in Europe.

I'm from GB.

To file for D, I needed my original marriage certificate, copies of debts, assets and loans - for financials.

You have to list your dependents (i.e. any children under 18 or in full time education) - names, d.o.b. etc.

Your Solicitor will then lodge paperwork at County Court.

Note that if you have knowledge of your WW's adultery and are still having sexual relations with her, you are deemed to have reconciled to this fact.

You will be urged to file irretrievable breakdown.

Google what these usually are under UK law (if you are in UK) and pick those which fit best with your situation.

I picked alcohol abuse

Emotional abuse and

Inappropriate relationships.

These are cited on the paperwork.

You also decide with your solicitor who is going to pay the D costs.

Mine stated that I would pay on condition that he did not contest.

Your Solicitor will send in the post, a copy of the court papers filed to your spouse.

Who then has to fill in a form stating that they acknowledge receipt, and indicate whether they will contest the "grounds" for divorce, and send it into County Court.

If your spouse does not acknowledge receipt before the County Court processes the paperwork, (mine stuck his head in the sand) - Court send another copy of the acknowledgement of receipt papers to your spouse. NB this adds to costs.

I have just received a letter from my Solicitor to say that all is going ahead, the next correspondence I will get is from Court with a Decree Nisi court date. (Neither of you have to attend if both in agreement)

If your WW doesn't contest this, 3 weeks and 1 day later, your divorce becomes final.

Sounds simple huh?

Thanks, MOB!

OK, I think I know the name of latest AP. But cannot find any info on his wife.

It looks like he's another NPD (first being my WW, I'm more and more inclined to diagnose her). His FB page shows only his pictures (how cool I am), only fleeting post about his child.

Any tricks to get his wife info? Remember, I'm not in USA.

You should try posting some questions to the Investigative Tips Forum on SI. They might be able to help you locate his wife.