SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Probably feeling some guilt or something .

Serial cheaters rarely feel guilt, and remorse is a foreign concept altogether for most of them.

She probably senses a wind of a change in you and is laying on the lovey-dovey routine. Unfortunately, just because you haven't confronted her and think you're hiding it well from her doesn't make it so. I think she's sensing something.

Like most serial cheaters, her goal was to have her fun on the side AND keep what she's got at home. Her cheating wasn't ABOUT wanting to leave you. It was about getting the extra she gets from it and having everything at home on top of it. Ain't she a peach?

NoMercy, you are spot on, as usual.

My sister also noted that WW was not feeling any guilt - it's just that she got a dick in the hole and came home to find everything sweet and cozy. And a doormat waiting.

It is also possible that she is sensing something - I realize that it is almost impossible to be in shock and carry on like nothing happened. Yesterday I "had" severe headache, no sex. I'm trying to come up with some excuse today, in case any is needed.

She is pressuring me to take care of accommodation for our upcoming vacation (at the end of July). Since I don't intend to go anywhere with her, don't know how to take care of this matter.

Saw a lawyer today. Don't want to disclose details, but it doesn't look too bad.

Oh, she's a peach. Silicone enhanced (somebody somewhere mentioned that it is quite common trait for female cheaters).

DHH. Sorry man.

I recommend that you follow Wool's advice: more MINIONS!

DHH, been following you for awhile, sorry to hear things went wrong, I'm always hoping for a happy ending, but sometimes it just isn't meant to be.

As ChamTea mentioned, here in the States, having sex after you are aware of the infidelity can sometimes be seen as forgiveness and acceptance in certain cases, I doubt it would apply to yours, but I'd suggest you've boinked your wife for the last time. Also for health reason, I suppose. Then again, you can always claim you only suspected.

No advice on legal procedures for you, leave it to a good lawyer ( solicitor).

Oh, she's a peach. Silicone enhanced (somebody somewhere mentioned that it is quite common trait for female cheaters).

Interesting observation, and I have seen that mentioned before. Based on insecurity? Body image issues? For attention? My wife did not have them, never wanted them, and she is definitely a cheater. Now you have me curious.

It sounds like you are doing as well as can be expected. You are fortunate to have this resource and having done your homework before to know what to expect.

Stay healthy, and carry on, we are following your soap opera, wishing you good vibes.

Interesting observation, and I have seen that mentioned before. Based on insecurity? Body image issues? For attention? My wife did not have them, never wanted them, and she is definitely a cheater. Now you have me curious.

My wife first cheated in 2008. She started an EA in late 2015/early 2016 (depending on what she says). She got implants in late April 2016 and had sex with AP a second time (first time since 2008) in late June 2016. So, yeah, I don't know about the connection between implants and infidelity. If so, my wife is a mad hatter... mad boober?

Hello DHH

I just caught up on your thread and I'm so sorry to see you here. I just wanted to chime in and tell you I'm thinking of you. I'm hoping that everything will go your way. I've been down this road twice. 1st husband=divorce. 2nd=hard work at reconciliation BUT if I ever suspect, feel, or have proof of another affair I can only trust n myself I will have the strength to pull a most definite Shock and Awe....By the way, I'm also in the Ghosting camp...just saying...Much strength to you!

As far as the vacation that you are not planing to go on. just tell her you have it all handled and will take care of everything.

Maybe even leave the web page open to nice resorts. Let her know that you are think of options which it the truth.

But I sure wouldn't book anything.

On my phone, so only short note.

We are planning to use my evidence as a leverage to get better settlement (without disclosing extent of it). So, no ghosting. I plan to serve her to the sounds of the song that she put on to fuck.

Interesting bit about WW relationships with current AP...

Listening to new recording I got sent.

Essentially, she is trying to get him to come over and fuck her...

Today I got STD test results.

One positive. I notified her - she knows. Re-read above.

[This message edited by DarkHoleHeart at 4:24 AM, August 16th (Thursday)]

Essentially, she is trying to get him to come over and fuck her...

Puts this all in perspective, doesn't it:

Came home from work tonight all so clingy and sweet... Probably feeling some guilt or something ... until next dick comes into view.

She is pressuring me to take care of accommodation for our upcoming vacation (at the end of July).

Hope Shock and Awe are still on the table.

Hope Shock and Awe are still on the table.

Oh yes!

She is laying her soul bare to AP#? on the phone.

I essentially got all info I needed and never dreamed I will get.

She married me knowing that she doesn't love me.

I'm a perfect lover (), but she doesn't feel passion any more. For 10 years.

Had 3As (probably 1 ONS and 2 As).

OK, now they got together.

Me and my sister (on hangout, I'm reporting to her) are getting popcorn out.

[This message edited by DarkHoleHeart at 4:26 AM, August 16th (Thursday)]

How are you getting all of this "almost real time"?

That is great work on your part. I'm sorry you're having to go through this ,but glad you are getting irrefutable proof.

Wow, DarkHoleHeart. Popcorn? LOL. You are amazing. I'm rooting for you.

RubixCubed, answered you in PM. Don't want to disclose source here (but if she was reading, she wouldn't be doing what she does).

Let it be PI. Or maybe not. Or maybe PI.

OK, they finished (no, not in this sense this time). Will do write-up next week. It is almost 3h of her rotten soul laid bare. Things you wouldn't believe (like talking about artificial vagina that he made for himself)

The best thing is that I'm cool as a cucumber. Really cool. She doesn't suspect what shitstorm is heading her way.

Signing off.

[This message edited by DarkHoleHeart at 4:23 AM, August 16th (Thursday)]

DHH: Be careful man. I know that you find this "entertaining" right now, but part of me thinks that you might be painshopping. It's almost as if you might give yourself PTSD.

It's super awful to hear this stuff, on going. Go easy on yourself. Do not hesitate to go to a therapist or a doctor.

Let your sister take care of you. Be careful.

Barcher, thanks for your concern!

I realize that her words will probably come to haunt me in the future. But the truth is, she havent said anything hurtfull about me. She also realizes that all her affairs are on her and not caused by my actions. It's just that she doesnt love me.

My joy is caused mainly by the way she is digging deep hole for herself.

Using state owned office to fuck. Using state owned phone to talk dirty.

If child prtection agency heard these records, she probably not only could forget custody, but might hope for supervised visits only. And according to my lawyer, these records are admisable in court. We could threaten to press charges against AP (using state property for ilicit activities) in order for him to testify in court - he would drop her like a hot potato.

So, it gives me hope that we (kids and me) might come out of all this shit better than expected.

I will deal with emotional fallout later, aint got time for that now 😉

So, next episode in soap opera.

Last Monday I finally got STD tested. Friday got results, one positive. Good news that it is quite mellow one (I think it is not even considered STD in USA).

Texted to my WW "Infidelity is a gift that keeps on giving - got STD". She instantly became an expert on this infection and explained that it can be contracted by other means etc. and that I probably was happy to have one more chance to remind her of her guilt again (she's definitely R material, right?). So I was acting quite cold over the weekend.

On Saturday we went surfing. It's 4h drive to the spot, we left our kids with grandparents for a week, because I have meetings in the office this week. The surf didn't pick up, but I just wanted to sit on the board alone, maybe cry a bit, mourn my wasted feelings of 10+ years.

Sunday had to spend all day alone with her. I didn't feel anything, just annoyance that I have to be with her.

Then finally last night (Sunday night) this conversation took place:

WW: "go to sleep?",

Me: "yes, what else to do?"

WW: "don't know, sing?" (she never sings)

Me: "no, better sleep"

WW: "so, since there won't be sex, you don't want to sing" (she is having her period)

Me: "I don't want to have sex"

WW: "ok..."

Me: "I don't feel clean, I don't want sex until healed"

WW: "So maybe we should sleep separately for these two weeks?" (15 days of antibiotics for both of us)

Me: "I don't know"

Then I fell asleep, woke up at 01:30, she was not sleeping, restless.

Me: "What's wrong?"

WW: "Nothing"

An hour later she got up from bed, I was pretending to be asleep, but "woke up"

Me: "What are you doing?"

WW: "Nothing"

Me: Crickets.

She took her pillow and went to other room to sleep on the mattress.

So I'm happy now that I don't have to pretend to be loving husband and that I have legitimate reason to be distant.

Over the last week I got a glimpse of WSs modus operandi, I think. Previously I had no idea how you can go on with your life like nothing (A) is happening, pretending to be loving husband/wife, etc. Now I think I know how - you just turn on the autopilot. All these touches, looks, snuggling are already in the part of you brain that manages mechanical part, so you just go on doing it, it doesn't require much effort. But after a few days legitimate reason to be distant was very welcome. I cannot imagine how she managed to do it for 10+ years, I would have gone crazy (maybe she did, slowly poisoning me along the way - prior to meeting her I had steel patience, never got loudly angry, etc.).

Over the weekend I had one episode, when I suddenly and vividly imagined her having sex in WC with AP#1 (I think it happened there the very first time, but I have to listen to recording again, to get all incriminating details) and felt pain. The next thought was "why do I care?!" and the pain went away almost instantly. The pain is caused by your imagination showing the person you love having sex with another. When you realize that the only feeling you really have for this person is indifference, the pain goes away (I'm not fooling myself that love is already gone, it doesn't happen that fast, it's just that it's so deep under many layers of worries for the future, for the kids, etc, that I don't feel it).

Sunday morning I woke up early, she was still sleeping. Tears began to fall because I imagined the terror in my DDs eyes, when they start to realize that their world is falling apart. And I can barely see the screen typing it.

(short break to gather myself)

So, as I mentioned in the earlier posts, I listened to her conversation with AP (her side only over the phone and then both sides when he came over to her office (which she was afraid to leave because I track her location)). I still have to re-listen to whole conversation, it started 4:30PM and finished 9:30PM, so not 3h, but almost 5h (some pieces are missing).

The main things I got from it:

- she married me knowing that she doesn't love me any more

- she thinks she was good mother until our twin daughters turned 1. After that, not so much.

- she owns the blame for affairs

- I'm choking her

- she is the initiator at least in current A (it looks like she has feelings for him, he - not so much).

- our sex problems were because she had no feelings for me and she doesn't understand/need sex without feelings (hm, and what about AP#1 whom she f... in WC during her office party?)

- watching sex with horses turns her on (I knew this, but thought that it was in the past, when she was still riding, she never mentioned it again), never done herself

- AP#1 was married

- I know identity of AP#3 (married too, have no idea how to find his wife)

- She tried to get him to do her even knowing that I had STD (I think that would be good wake up call to him if I need him to testify in court)

I hope that if I can manage to get this recording to child protection (if custody is disputed) then, if they aren't complete idiots, I have better chances getting custody.

Will update when I manage to listen to recording (and maybe there will be new ones). Busy day today.

I will deal with emotional fallout later, aint got time for that now

I just read your most recent update. Seriously, take care of yourself.

You are acting like you are trying to "win" a divorce... which isn't going to happen: there are only losers in divorce.

And, I understand. I do. I've been there. But, all of this pain that you are experiencing cannot be good. Please go see a therapist and talk it out, at least some.

Human beings are not made to handle the pain that is being inflicted upon you.

You are either super human or you are going to have the worst case of PTSD in history.

Barcher, I had only worst experience with therapists.

I'm not going to win divorce. I'm just trying to come out of it in best position possible. That's where I'm concentrating. The biggest fear is that my children will be left under constant influence of that monster, so I will do everything I can to prevent that.

I also realize, that once everything is finished (no matter how), my children will need a father, not some useless emotional wreck.

The problem is that I don't really have a shoulder to cry on. My sister is in different country, my parents know, but I don't want to vent to them. My friends? Some I know would understand, but since I'm in stealth and investigation mode, I cannot go to them.

You might be right about PTSD, but I have no other choice. If she doesn't agree with amicable divorce with custody going to me, I will fight in court. So I need all the evidence, all the leverage I can get.

I wonder if it would be possible to get AP#2 and AP#3 to testify in court if it comes to that. As I understood, AP#2 was hurt quite a lot. I can hit him with a knowledge about STD, then provide evidence that he was used as a means to forget AP#1. In short, there's a lot of going on in my head to keep me busy.

AP#3 might face the charges for inappropriate usage of government facilities, so maybe it is possible to use it as a leverage. Or threaten with publicity... But such charges are probably investigated internally and director is more or less aware about all the adventures between employees and it is possible that is not saint himself (I wish it was some company with strict HR policies, but it is government institution and quite corrupt one at that :( ).

So I'm brainstorming.