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awesome post 'somelancholy". We can all agree to this and I hope A1 reads this and takes your advice.

It has to be miserable for him but it's all not on him and we agree on that. I truly appreciate your post.

The focus is to get A1 to move on and survive

The truth fixes a lot of things

Early on when the other man died had she come clean they may have gotten divorced but could have both led productive lives without this catastrophe.

The counselor that persuaded her to hide the truth. Basically lie for years. Is the main culprit here.

You see this over and over from both MC's and IC's.

The truth even hard upfront is best long term.

Just a very sad and unnecessary situation for all involved.

I'm so sorry.

BS only

[This message edited by SI Staff at 11:42 AM, June 10th (Sunday)]

I'm so sorry to hear this news. You and your family are in my thoughts.

I am so sorry. Wish our words could comfort you, praying for you and your daughters. So sorry.

Dear A1

At a time such as this, words seem so inadequate.

I have tried for days now, to express anything, just anything that could convey something that might provide you and your precious children with some solace. Then I read what somelancholy wrote and believe that I can do no better than that.

I believe that at times like these, actions speak louder than words. Distance precludes me from anything meaningful here as well. What I did is stand, head bowed, in silence, for 3 minutes as a man whose own recent life experience allows me to know something of what you might be experiencing. Just thinking of you and your children, and hope that the connectedness of the universe allows you to feel some of that touch.

Oh A1,

I just read this happened on another post.

I am so sorry.

May you and your girls hold on to each other and find your path forward.

I am praying for you all. Praying for love, acceptance and healing.

My heart breaks for you.

We are here and we care.

God bless you and your beautiful girls.

AO

I have purposely kept away from this thread because all I can say to you has already been told:

I am so sorry for your pain.

Your wife’s actions during the affair were not based on logic. Her decision to end her life are not based on logic. There really isn’t any logical way to deal with illogical actions so don’t question your actions in all this.

I have gone through your posts and honestly don’t see that you have shared anything that would make you expect or cause or lead to her decision. I know self-blame and self-doubt are unavoidable after such tragic events, but with your logic I am certain you will get through this with a clean conscience.

Focus on your daughters AO – I have a feeling they are in the greatest need to understand and accept what happened and their interactions with their mom in the last days.

+++++++++++

What can we – SI as a community – learn from this?

I personally would want to join this event and Mrs. Walloped recent nervous break-down.

We – as posters – can bring a hard, tough message without being rude, abusive, vulgar or spiteful.

Our words have consequences. After all – why write on a support forum if you don’t want your words to have consequences?

Our words are public. Anyone with a browser and access can find us. I don’t know if Mrs. AO found SI or read her husband’s thread but I do know Mrs. Walloped did. I know that for her it snapped something. Fortunately, she seems to have rebounded and is fast becoming a valued and precious contributor on the Wayward forum. Some of the stuff posted about Mrs. AO… wow… I would not want to even consider her having found it… tough and brutal.

I think we all need to be aware of how we write things. First and foremost, we need to be clear that what we contribute HELPS and GUIDES. If that criteria are met then opposing or varied opinions is fine. It’s GREAT! Diversity is good. But we can get the message across without being overtly descriptive or crude or insulting.

I think we ALL – me included – could benefit from reading our contributions on AO thread and wonder if we could have gotten the same or better message across with gentler words.

AO I am late to the game but please accept my deepest condolences for your loss. What a terrible blow to you and yours! I will pray for you and your family.

I'm so sorry. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

great post Bigger and so true.

Thanks for sharing that

Bigger thumbs up to that. A1 my condolences its hard to make sense out of this.

I must admit I submitted an acidic post to A1's thread, but quickly removed it after being admonished by Bigger. Neither A1 nor his wife had a chance to read it.

Thanks Bigger.

And my contined prayers A1.

[This message edited by MidnightRun at 3:08 PM, April 5th (Thursday)]

So very sorry, how heartbreaking for you and your girls!

I am so very, very sorry.

Oh, this is so very sad for all of you. I wish she could have had the chance to grow with her girls through life, she must have faced great pain to leave them. You were good to her and I'm sorry everything happened as it did.

I hope A1 comes back and posts to us again. I don't think anyone here bears any responsibility for what happened. Bigger is right that things should be more cordial.

I feel badly for A1 because I know he's questioning himself but he shouldn't be. Noone anticipated this. He must see his WW everywhere he goes, even in death and that has to hurt but in the end, A1 was not wrong to choose the path he did.

Again, I pray for him, his daughters and his wife. I truly wish it ended up differently but my concern now is about this man and making sure he has the support he needs to continue on and thrive because I could tell he was feeling somewhat guilty about this and he shouldn't

God bless you A1 and your kids. God pray for your wife

[This message edited by Western at 8:27 PM, April 5th (Thursday)]

I'm so sorry. Truly devastating.

I will pray for you and your family.

Oh my...crushing news. I am staggered.

Marz, you quoted

The truth fixes a lot of things

I saw a quote from a book, paraphrasing from memory, "We tend to live in the world we need, not in the world of the truth."

The truth, particularly the truth about oneself, can be an awful, brutal think to confront. For anyone in life, not just a WS. A BS too.

I had hoped that maybe A1's spouse would find value in being able to live truthfully, and that would power her through having her reality stripped bare. The world she needed having been stripped away. I was wrong.

There are a few too many of these sorts of events being tied to SI right now.