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DarkHoleHeart ( member #58272) posted at 5:14 PM on Wednesday, April 11th, 2018
How are you doing, AmbivalentOne? How are your daughters?
It was quite shocking update.
When you said that you wish you still were in a blissful ignorance, my immediate thought was - it was not a given that it wouldn't have ended this way anyway. The way she reacted after DDay shows that she was in a deep conflict all these years. The guilt was probably eating her alive and even if her A remained secret, it might have destroyed her anyway.
Sending strength to you and your daughters!
@DDay#1:
Me: BS, 40; Her: WW, 32
M: 10y, in relationship 15y, 3DD (8,8,6)
Dday#1: Oct, 2016, Dday#2: Jun, 2017
AP#1: COW PA, AP#2: EA/PA 3 months, AP#3: COW PA
Currently (2024): Plain of the Lethal Flatness
Butforthegrace ( member #63264) posted at 6:41 PM on Saturday, April 14th, 2018
Hello Ambivalent. This story is so sad on many levels. From a happy marriage and intact family to gut-wrenching discovery to widower in just a few months. I'm so sorry for what you have been through.
I wonder if perhaps one thing you might do, a way of getting at least some closure, is to track down the counselor she saw all those years ago, who purportedly advised her to internalize this and bear the burden alone, and explain how that ended up. This would not be for the purpose of asserting some type of professional misconduct claim, but rather to open that person's eyes to the reality of continuing a falsehood. Perhaps future patients of that therapist might be spared from the same bad advice.
The word "karma" is often used colloquially to confer a sense of revenge. But in its original meaning "karma" really refers to the natural, organic consequences of an action. In other words, an action starts in motion a sequence of events that leads to a conclusion, though the actual conclusion may be unforeseen by the original actor.
[This message edited by Butforthegrace at 12:41 PM, April 14th (Saturday)]
"The wicked man flees when no one chases."
TimSC ( member #58844) posted at 11:11 PM on Saturday, April 14th, 2018
A1 I am truly sorry for what you are going through now.
Please know that everything that has happened is not your fault.
It is an indirect result of a choice that was made years ago. A choice you were not given a vote in.
shellbean ( member #56536) posted at 1:34 PM on Sunday, April 15th, 2018
I'm sad beyond any helpful words, to read this. My thoughts, sympathy, and prayers are with you and your DDs. May peace find you, may strength hold you up. I'm so very sorry.
Together 29 years, M 20 years
Dday1 11/3/16 Dday2 11/1/17
PA '96-'98, PA Aug.'15-Nov.'16 Same AP
EA '09-'11
We are reconciled and doing well
longsadstory1952 ( member #29048) posted at 1:45 PM on Saturday, May 12th, 2018
Hey. I know this will be an especially tough weekend for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
One of the things that occurs when someone loses a loved one is how quickly everyone expects you to get on your feet. But it doesn't work that way in reality.
I hope you are reaching out to people and that they are helping.
Be well.
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