Topic is Sleeping.
Stayinghopefull (original poster member #57957) posted at 4:21 AM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021
I think what is so hard about deciding it’s time to D is that it doesn’t just affect me, it affects my kids too... if it was just me it would be so easy. I think I’ve sucked things up for so long to keep things normal for my girls. But it don’t think I can do it anymore
[This message edited by Stayinghopefull at 10:22 PM, July 5th (Monday)]
Joined SI 17 years ago when H had year long affair.
Found 5 new OW in the past 6 months. Heading towards D.
Two wonderful teen kids that don't deserve this.
Me: BS 48 H: WS 50 Together 27 yrs, Married 22 yrs
somejaykid ( member #68835) posted at 1:11 PM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021
yes totally agree, if you have kid's it's devastating for all of us. WS don't give a shit who they destroy as long as they are happy that's all that matters in their mind. but don't fret KARMA will eventually get this pos it is only a matter of time. take care of yourself op and hang in there we are all here for you
Sally24 ( new member #70794) posted at 1:23 PM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021
I'm right there with you. That's a big reason it's taken me so long to pull the plug. But I can't do it any more, either.
Never let your fear decide your fate
WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 2:16 PM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021
You have been heard. Just know that kids see everything. If you are in a toxic marriage, that is all they will know. It's okay to show them that when someone abuses you (and infidelity is abuse), you don't have to stay in the relationship. It is healthy to show them that actions have consequences. By divorcing, you show them how to enforce boundaries. When someone crosses your line in the sand, it is okay to walk away. You are not required to tolerate anyone's abuse.
My oldest is 12 and growing into a strong independent young lady. She already doesn't take anyone's crap. She has broken off friendships with girls who don't respect her boundaries or who get involved in things she doesn't find acceptable. I'm so proud of her. She has always been her own person, but I like to think maybe I had a little bit to do with it. 😊
[This message edited by WhoTheBleep at 8:17 AM, July 6th (Tuesday)]
I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural
Sofarsogood ( member #71991) posted at 3:06 PM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021
So sorry that you had to come to this conclusion. I can understand how you feel especially since your WH isn't putting any real effort in making things better (past and present). You need to put yourself first for a change. Take care of yourself and stay strong!
leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 3:41 PM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021
My oldest was 31 and told me he couldn't believe I stayed married to XWH for so long. Our kids see and understand more than we realize.
BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21
WornDown ( member #37977) posted at 3:55 PM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021
"It's better to be FROM a broken home than IN one."
Truer words have never been uttered.
If you think "staying for the kids" means you're not going to be miserable, and that the kids won't notice it/pick up on it, you're fooling yourself.
Me: BH (50); exW (49): Way too many guys to count. Three kids (D, D, S, all >20)Together 25 years, married 18; Divorced (July 2015)
I divorced a narc. Separate everything. NC as much as humanly possible and absolutely no phone calls. - Ch
Tigersrule77 ( member #47339) posted at 4:31 PM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021
So "normal" is to see their mother unhappy and being mistreated? Is this the example you want to show them? Sure, D is harder with children, but YOU know if it is the right decision.
homewrecked2011 ( member #34678) posted at 4:39 PM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2021
One reason I divorced my WS is because I have a friend who hated his mother for staying married to his asshat Dad and not offering them a better life!! 
That perspective had never occurred to me.
Now my kids have strong boundaries with their Dad and I also hope they learned some of it from me. 
Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child. Dday 12/19/11I went to an attorney and had him served. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!D final10/30/2012Me-55
leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 5:46 AM on Wednesday, July 7th, 2021
Duplicate
[This message edited by leafields at 11:50 PM, July 6th (Tuesday)]
BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 4:45 PM on Wednesday, July 7th, 2021
My daughter would ask why I stay. They know 
fBS/fWS(me):51 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:53 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(21) DS(18)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorced 8/8/24
Topic is Sleeping.
