SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So ex pays CS via venmo. Every month I end up having to remind him multiple times to pay it. He is also, per the divorce decree, responsible for medical bills other than co-pays. My son had a hospital stay of a couple of days back in December and our healthcare system being what it is, we are making payments of $100 a month on the large bill for that hospital, and receiving separate bills for other services. This month on July 1 I sent him the payment request for child support for July, a request for the $100 for the hospital, and a request for $195 for the Emergency Room Physicians. Because I hold the insurance, all these bills are in my name so I went ahead and paid them.

I sent him a reminder via the venmo app a few days ago, and he did not pay. Last night I texted him and asked him if he could go ahead and pay. He started questioning the emergency room physician bill, so I screenshot all the information that I had previously sent him two weeks before when I paid it. Now radio silence. And he has not paid.

I guess the icing on the cake that makes me super frustrated is that when I go into the venmo app, I see that he's made all kinds of payments to other people for things like beer and ribs for the grill and other various and sundry things, but I continually have to remind him to pay his child support and his kid's medical bills. I'm feeling very frustrated. It does get paid eventually, and it's not like the lateness of the payment impacts my ability to pay my bills, but it is very frustrating. He is self-employed so having the state take it out of his paychecks is not an option. What would you guys do? Just suck it up and accept that he's going to be late every month, or something else?

[This message edited by JanaGreen at 7:56 AM, July 13th (Monday)]

What does your decree say in terms of timeliness of payments?

Cat

Look into your state's child support enforcement (CSE) site to see what it takes to file a complaint for non-payment. In my state there was a nominal fee for the CSE agency to take over and require a garnishment from WS.

I had to give him the rope to hang himself, to meet the requirements for deadbeat parent required by CSE. Those months were hard. But once I had the proof he was delinquent and submitted the proper paperwork they took over.

So, to give him the rope to hang himself, I stopped reminding him to pay. My behavior was deliberate. I intentionally did not remind him and stayed completely silent. he thought I was too stupid to do anything.

I needed 3 months of non payment or late payment to qualify for CSE help. I know that is a lot, but it was soooo worth it to get the garnishment.

I did not need an attorney and before I knew it a garnishment was in place. An added benefit was he was now dealing with the state and the state kept excellent records.

The money was electronically deposited into my account and I was taken out of the circle. No more reminding him and feeding the beast.

Also, my state took care of things like him dropping health insurance on the children. I hope your state is as on top of it as my state was.

As Catwoman points out, the first issue is what does decree say? Most will have a date to pay the CS (usually the 1st of the month) and a timeline to pay extra expenses (usually 30 days from date bill submitted).

And then, as Chrysalis discusses, comes what happens if he doesn't follow the decree, and how long he has to be delinquent for the state to intervene. I think every state has some mechanism to collect child support & expenses. So, you'll have to find out how that works in your state. The fact that he is self employed does add a wrinkle. However, they can intercept tax returns and (I THINK) unemployment.

Keep good records of his shenanigans on late payment, and his having $ for beer. Most judges do NOT like the idea that a parent has $ for their selfishness and not their kids (I once saw a judge say to a courtroom of parents being prosecuted for non payment say: "If you think you will get a better deal by talking to me and not the prosecutor, just know that the FIRST question I will ask is what days of the week do you not want your kids to eat". And suddenly the line to speak to the prosecutor got REAL long - lol).

If he's a good dad aside from screwing you around on the $, and if the state can't do much bc he's self employed, I suspect you are just stuck with it.

But if he's also shady on his periods of custody, I'd document document document EVERYTHING and give it a bit of time (aka the rope Chrysalis speaks of). Then seek an attorney to try and modify the custody and child support. Again, judges don't like it when folks don't follow their orders. In a weird way, you could liken that to being a BS - they don't like feeling that their orders are not important ). Only works if you are pristinely clean on your side of the street - always pleasant. Always on time. Keep the convos to kids and $, etc. And if you have solid, hard evidence of his being late with kids, with $, and doing other bonehead shit.

In my state there was a nominal fee for the CSE agency to take over and require a garnishment from WS.

This is true in my state too.

My STBXW did this to "punish me" last December. It cost her some money to set up and now I don't have to ever worry about cutting her a check or anything like that. So, yes, I feel punished.

(i.e., it's convenient and I like it).

Im not sure he's exactly doing it to punish me - I think it's just low freaking priority to him.

I checked the parenting plan and it just says the support is to be paid monthly directly to me. No date given.

It ALSO says all medical expenses are his. I've been paying all the copays for visits and medication. Hmph.

With regards to the medical expenses, are you sending him copies of everything and requesting reimbursement?

I kept a list of when I first requested reimbursement on expenses, and I followed up after 30 days, then 45 days, then 60 days. Once it was clear he wasn't going to pay, I would let him know I was going to file a complaint for contempt, and then I followed through with it.

It sucks, but sometimes that is your only recourse when they don't pay. I would look into garnishment for support, though. That would be one less worry.

Cat

Cat - he's self employed, so I'm not sure that garnishment is possible.

Unfortunately given my son's history this is probably going to keep being an issue.

Every month I end up having to remind him multiple times to pay it.

He is making it about control.

(and that he is an azz )

and it's not like the lateness of the payment impacts my ability to pay my bills

It is great you do not have to rely on it. Stop all those reminders. You are not his secretary.

I only sent one notice and it took care of it "If not paid in full by XX/XX; this will be turned over to the courts for collection"

That was it. No reminders. I predict it will only take one time of him testing you (and you letting it go to court) for him to stop this game.

How much longer do you have to go until you DS ages out?

How much longer do you have to go until you DS ages out?

He's five. Recently diagnosed with epilepsy, so we have a lot of specialist visits and I'm also trying to get him into speech therapy, so there will be lots more bills. I have decent-ish insurance, but there is still so much that isn't covered.

My daughter's 10, so she'll age out sooner, but the bulk of the medical expenses are for my little boo, not her.

I would take him to court for contempt once this gets to a sum that would make it worthwhile. I would also petition that he pay your attorney fees for having to bring this action.

Unfortunately since he is self-employed, you probably aren't able to garnish his wages. However, you can add any arrears to your complaint for contempt.

If he's normal (unlike my ex), this will only be necessary once.

Cat

He has always paid by the end of the month, so I may not have a case at all. Other than a case of severe annoyance.

Just saw on venmo where he charged his niece for something 30 minutes ago. So he's clearly been on the damn app, just not cared enough to pay his child support. FFS.

Contact the hospital billing manager; they can bill him directly based on your divorce decree

^^^^^^^That! All of that!

I checked the parenting plan and it just says the support is to be paid monthly directly to me. No date given

He has always paid by the end of the month

I would stop with the reminders. Not your job.

If I am reading the above correctly, he is not really late and in his mind month-end is the due date?

Send him the required documents for Drs, etc. and then crickets. If he doesn't pay, start a tally incase it does get to the point of having to go to court.

Since you have such a long way to go with your DS's age, I would work to set up a system on your end that works for you.

He started questioning the emergency room physician bill

Remember, he is to pay that medical....I am sure the wording is not "Pay the medical IF you agree with the ER report"

Hang in there JG!!!!

Like EvenKeel said "The last day of the month is in the month." Not much you can say until after that date. I always paid on the first of the month, but my ex decided to garnish to try and make me look bad. Oops I get paid in the middle and end of the month. No more full amount at the beginning of the month for you. Of course all my fault.

Knowing my ex I added a couple things to my decree to make medical a little easier. I provide the insurance, but we split the big bills. We must submit them in a timely manner, she's notorious for putting things off and then demanding others to immediately jump to deal with her laziness. There's also a specified time for reimbursement and a penalty interest if things are not paid on time and since she likes to do whatever she wants there is a clause that she needs to use in network providers. All stupid stuff in my book, but needed when dealing with a manipulative child.

My suggestion is read your decree a couple times and maybe have a couple friends read it to make sure you are not reading something in that's not there and realize you are going to have to adjust your expectations to match what it says (e.g. he's probably not really late until the first of the next month)

I need to quit expecting what I would do out of him.

Ugh.

I need to quit expecting what I would do out of him.

This is a partial joke, but if ALL of us could do this... there would be no need for this website at all.

Im not sure he's exactly doing it to punish me - I think it's just low freaking priority to him.

My point was that my STBXW has garnished my wages to punish me. She was mad at me for something else and then did that to punish me. Because I pay my bills on time, each month, this was NOT a punishment to me... in fact, her "punishment" was more convenient for me.

All of that said... I think that you do need to seek some sort of legal remedy for this problem. Dude needs to pay child support.

This is a partial joke, but if ALL of us could do this... there would be no need for this website at all.

You're not wrong!

I would say that MAYBE he thinks it's ok to pay by the end of the month, but he commented a while back that he needs to set up another way to pay because he keeps forgetting and paying late. Also told me to "keep reminding" him.

Yes, given who they are, expecting them to act like we would is probably unrealistic. There's a reason we divorced them and at least my ex continues to remind me what a good decision that was.

There's no way to make it automatic?