SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I feel your pain. I haven't seen a dime of CS since January 2009. People often think it's as easy as "Oh, just take him to court" but how do you do that when the other parent changes jobs like clothing and moves countless times a year between different states? Ugh. In my case, I gave up. I can't make his kids important to him, and all of his actions have proven that they aren't, time and again.

That being said, keep track of everything in case you decide to try to tackle this legally. How many times you asked him to pay and when, when he actually did pay, the medical bills he's shining on... all of it. And it isn't your job to keep reminding him - what is he, 12? (I know, the answer to that might be "Yes." ) Tell him to set himself a reminder on his phone. It can do the reminding for you.

I wish I had better advice for you. I will never understand why parents fight paying CS. Why do they not want to take care of their kids?

Why do they not want to take care of their kids?

I don't understand that either. Since my ex was the custodial parent there is no order in place for her to provide support when our kids are in collage so she doesn't. It's all based on half truths and is even a bit worse than that since she make them pay for everything including rent while living with her during the summers. When she does give them something it is always described as she is doing this special for them instead of doing what she should. Between what I pay in CS and the ~$100k I put aside for each of them they get by, but it pisses me off they struggle at times because she will not do her share.

FYI the half truth all this is primarily based on is she does not receive any support from me. Which while true regarding a regular monthly payment it does not reflect that I paid her out in cash that is equivalent to half of everything I have and will likely ever make. Given the market since our divorce she likely received more than half.

Sorry for the rant, but people who do not support their children really upset me. It's even worse when the children are my own !

xWH has this habit as well; thankfully I've been able to stay on top of things without his help for the most part, but there are some months where I pay out-of-pocket for things and need that payment. The CS order in effect isn't completely useless but it's frustrating when they wait for 3 months of non-payment before they start collection efforts (calls, letters, etc.). As of right now he is paying every other month if I'm lucky but he's 8 months behind. Next year when DD17 graduates the payments will technically stop, but he'll be in arrears and we'll see if it's enforced or not. He's self-employed so there's really no way to garnish his wages; he can always report 0 income although I'm not sure he has thought of that yet!

Sorry I wasn't much help, just letting you know you're not alone in the frustration.

[This message edited by newlife03 at 5:18 PM, July 22nd (Wednesday)]

I need to quit expecting what I would do out of him.

That expectation is even toooo high.

What worked for me is pretending he was dead so I had no expectations after awhile. Meaning, I prepared to do and pay everything on my own. Then IF/WHEN he paid something....it was a bonus. It helped me not to be constantly disappointed.

Sad to have to do that; but it level-set my expectations to what he would do.

He called me a few days ago and said, "Have I paid you this month?" I said nope. He said, "Are you sure, I thought I did." I said nope. So he paid me. If you're familiar with venmo, checking to see if he had paid me would have taken less time than calling and asking. He knew he hadn't paid but wanted to pretend like he thought he had. Games are exhausting.

A wayward spouse playing games? Never heard of such a thing. Weird.

Inconceivable!

I'm glad you at least get your CS. Mine still owes me over 40K and my son is 23.