SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

[This message edited by Coach1984 at 9:52 AM, December 1st (Friday)]

The red pill is a concept backed by some strong theory, that women need a strong, dominant man to stay faithful, and the nice guy, beta tendencies will eventually either push them into the arms of someone else...

I realized that I had become a soft, comfortable version of myself that I didn't like...

what do you think about taking the pill?

honestly? I think that is total BS.

Your wife's affair did not have ANYTHING to do with you.

it wouldn't have mattered if you were stronger, more dominant..etc

you did NOT push her away by being a nice guy.

you DID NOT push her into the arms of another man.

know who did?

SHE DID.....

need to be the best version of me

yes. yes you do. I totally agree w that.

but being the best version of yourself, doesn't mean being the ideal fantasy person in order for your wife to love you.

"you become such a great version of yourself that your wife will be much more satisfied and will not look elsewhere for attention, and she will defer to you as the leader of your family to make decisions."

so she cheated because you weren't great? she cheated because she wasn't great.

leader of the family? seems like a couple should share that moniker.

Theory but show me the empirical evidence and strong effect sizes. I would rather consider it principles, some good and some bad.

Becoming the best version of YOU is always a good thing to pursue. The perspective on women is underdeveloped.

Sure, bad boys get more women, but only because they clearly offer sex to women also wanting to have sex (yes, women also want sex), not because they are "bad" or strong guys. Thus, confounding variables.

Also, there is much self serving bias in favor of the theory on the forums, and " evidence" that disapproves the theory not discussed. Strong men also get cheated on, look at the bodybuild red pill forum. And if they get less cheated on, it may not be because of their character but because of higher territoriality and never letting the wife out of the cave (is that healthy?). If you are a strong not handsome man, also less success.

Point is, possibly flawed theory, some good general principles though, be best version of you and clear about what you want. Oh yeah, and do your lifting ;-)

I had understood the red pill to be a mindset that men don't need women to define them and that, due to the rise of radical 3rd-wave feminism, society has come to demonize men. Also, women cannot be trusted and are incapable of real love. Women are viewed as opportunistic predators, targeting men that can provide them a secure, comfortable lifestyle. They're not interested in actual love but are simply looking for what they can gain from a relationship.

The red pill is a concept backed by some strong theory, that women need a strong, dominant man to stay faithful, and the nice guy, beta tendencies will eventually either push them into the arms of someone else, or completely suck the life out of the physical connection you once had with your wife or SO.

Nice to have some comic relief around here.

Hhhm. So I wonder how this applies to my situation -- I am more of the assertive, strong one and my WH is limp, needy and has no self-confidence hence needing to pay for it from escorts etc.

So am I to blame for being the strong, confident one? I tried my damndest to lift him up, give him (way too much) attention, boost boost boost his limpness but yet, clearly it wasn't enough.

I will say, I'd love if he had been less of a limp, needy noodle. And he wasn't always this way. Midlife or something struck and he became the opposite of a red-pill-taker.

My husband is not red pill...yet I've been faithful for 23 years now. Hmmm...why do you think that is? Maybe integrity? Empathy? Morals? Pride in my commitments? Loyalty? If your WW valued those qualities, do you still think she'd have cheated?

As much as its "common knowledge" around here than women cheat because of whats wrong with them and has nothing to do with you, the red pill theory shouldn't be scoffed at so quickly. There is no theory that is all encompassing, but there is a trend that does seem to support the red pill theory. Thousands of years of biology doesn't just disappear because some feminists tells us that equality in a marriage is optimal. This trend is evident on SI, from just a cursory glance. Beta type husbands getting cheated on by Alpha type OM's are not so uncommon.

Its no secret that women gravitate towards confidence and assertiveness (alpha traits). If you trade that off in marriage and allow your wife to start taking on those traits, you might find yourself here.

Alpha and Beta types?

I’m so Alpha that my alphabet only has one letter!

At the time, I walked in on my fiancé I was in the best physical shape of my life, wore a uniform, had power, in a job I loved, carried a gun, had respect, was independent, respected and confident as you can be.

You have to be f@cking confident to stare down a steroid-crazed weight-lifter swinging a fence post! You need confidence to wait for a amphetamine-jacked punk that wants to stab you to make his move and then disarm him with holds and chokes.

I was so alpha that I oozed testosterone.

Yet she cheated.

Although there are some interesting arguments put forth in the Red Pill then it’s like comparing one extreme to another extreme. The solution to gender equality is not inequality or an extreme to either side, but equality.

I recently found out about my wife's affair. I have to say that unfortunately there is a little bit of Truth in nearly every Theory posted on this site. I have been faithful for 20 years. I used to treat her like a queen. However over the years her personality changed to a point where I could no longer do that. She begin to drink way too much. The flirting and the sloppiness couples with embarrassing things that she would do in front of friends and family made me lose all respect for her. Has her drinking progressed my emotions and the little things that I once did for her fell by the wayside. It created a vicious cycle. She became abusive to both me and the children. To try to be the strong alpha male with literally meme getting into a physical altercation with her. That to actually happened on a few occasions. She would slap and punch me and yell out I thought you would never hit a woman come on come on what are you going to do if I do this. Eventually I did react. I realized that that was not the way to go especially considering I had children watching. So when she would start to do those things I would just shut down and lock her up an attempt to speak to her the next morning. Somehow and her mind that equated to me not caring. She began talking with another man because she felt he would not judge her. I explained that you cannot judge someone that you don't care about. So of course he could listen to you ramble all day long without passing judgement. It isn't his car you are driving drunk in. It isn't his children that you are yelling at and it certainly isn't his marriage that you are just honoring by flirting with people. Eventually she had an affair with him. I found out after doing one of those phone number searches. She came clean about a lot of things. I'm sure there is plenty she left out I was able to look back through her past messages phone calls and text and was able to match up the majority of the things that she was saying. We have planned to try to make it work. But I am crazy angry and worried that I will end up doing something foolish. I work around all women. And I feel as though my defenses are no longer up. It's as though I am waiting for something just to fall in my lap. Sorry I am rambling on I know this was probably not the correct thread to do it I just got frustrated and decided to post this it was my very first post. I'm sure I'll get better at this whole thing but for now thanks for reading

The entire alpha-beta-gamma-omega shtick is malarkey. It has as much basis in fact as the theory of Flat Earth or the "imminent" approach of the planet Nibiru.

sorry that happened to you Brad13.

I know others in the same situation.

It's called a 'no win situation'.

Has she changed her ways or shown any remorse for her actions ?

Like alot of theories that cannot be empirically proven I think that their is plenty of evidence that would point to elements of the "red pill" or "alpha/beta" male thoughts to be true. Or at least that they would apply to alot of situations....

And there is plenty of both that is over top junk too....

Being confident in yourself, taking care of yoruself, living a healthy in shape life, Not putting potential mates on a crazy high pedestal...These are all elements of such principles that i think are good elements to work on within yourself.

I think most relatively healthy women want a man like that in their lives.

So, I literally JUST watched the Red Pill, the movie/documentary because you posted this.

And I don't think that the movement will help you heal, unless you're just using it as a distraction from the pain. Hell, for me fart jokes are the distraction, so I can't judge on that front.

I agree with some of the assertions from the documentary and think others were overreaching. I also think the movie itself was the filmmakers way of advancing her career. Overall, it wasn't bad to watch, and I'll be recommending it to some folks I know.

I was amazed that when I googled it, there were a lot of critics belittling it, but when I read the articles... it's pretty clear that they never actually watched the movie. I don't like speaking to what I don't know, but apparently others don't have that problem.

I can say that I for one have experienced the pain a bh feels when he's told that after being cheated on, and is looking at divorce, that he will probably be paying alimony for the privilege of being cheated on. In fact, my first post here was pretty much a rant about that. Talked some shit about sahm's and pissed off a few folks. Good times.

It's just so much easier to see injustice after a betrayal.

I looked through a few websites on it too, but, just like every group, there's people at the extreme and the not so extreme ends.

I guess what I'm getting at, is that my recommendation... i.e. just some jackass on the internet's recommendation... is if you are looking through there for some kinda guidance, then treat it like responses you would get here: take what you need and leave the rest.

Now where was it...? Oh! Right here!

Want some kool-aid?

Sorry, I'm a dumbass, you were talking reddit version of red pill? I couldn't see because you deleted the post.

Shit. More research. I'll be back later when I have time to go through that red pill stuff.

there was some research done a while back i'm trying to think of what it was called, will wander off to google it but to summarise:

during ovulation women were more attracted to dominant featured/acting men - the theory was they biologically wanted to produce offspring fathered by the one most likely to survive - the rest of the month ie 23 or more days they preferred the 'nice' guys (i'm using posters words here not mine)...

so i dunno - maybe 15 year old girls like 'bad boys' (for about 5 minutes until they find out what absolute arseholes they are) and for the rest of us we might be attracted to the idea of procreating with one....but we want to be married to the other sort.....

i'm not even going to go near the other feminist 'comments' made in this thread...i'll just leave it there...

biology doesn't just disappear because some feminists tells us that equality in a marriage is optimal.

Yikes.

And yuck.

Btw, Randy, are you calling me beta?

Because if you are, that's like an upgrade from foxtrot. I'm not prepared for that levek of social interaction or relevancy.

Yikes.

And yuck.

Amen to that....