SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

People might say I'm a beta, but they'd never say it to my face.

Fuck that red pill bullshit.

Hopeless is a beta! Nana nana booboo!

The Internet makes you brave, NTV, although I imagine you can fart on command like my little brother. That always either got rid of me or made me laugh.

But seriously, though, I've met more than a few guys who claim to be alpha. It seems to take a lot of effort, acting like a complete prick for no apparent reason, and trying to fake being a badass all the time, being selfish and entitled just for the fuck of it.... If that's what it takes to keep a woman interested, I'll stay single. I may be a beta, but at least I'm not a poser.

[This message edited by h0peless at 10:43 PM, December 1st (Friday)]

Hope I don't insult any WW here, but a stupid wife taking her BH for granted is just another immature fool. If she has an alpha she wants a beta, and vice versa. Just like the men who cheat on their sweet wives, or bitch on wheels dominant wives. And sometimes they go for the exact same type of person they already have at home.

Everyone has their "reasons" for cheating, but it doesn't mean they aren't pure fantasy and bullshit.

What I'm getting at is that I really don't believe it has anything to do with the betrayed and what they are or aren't, in most cases. There's no point in trying to make yourself something else to please someone who won't see/appreciate it and cheat on you anyway.

agreed tiredofcrying, it sits with the wayward not whether her spouse is alpha, beta or whatever those metrosexual types are designated....

Well thanks, everybody. I clicked the link thinking I was going to get some Matrix, which pill would you take, sort of conversation. Now I gotta go figure out what The Red Pill really is.

And NtV, you're not just foxtrot. You are Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.

Yup, W.T. Foxtrot, good pen name right there.

Fyi, apparently there is more than one of it.

One, with the documentary, is a mens rights movement. The other is an alpha/beta male self improvement derivative... to oversimplify both.

If she has an alpha she wants a beta, and vice versa.

Pretty much the crux of it. Women with alpha husbands cheat with men who have more beta traits and vice versa.

But, yes, this stuff is biology and it's something that we should all be aware of. Women are attracted to men with power, men with confidence, men who are "men" (act manly). And yes, those traits are generally what's called "alpha". None of this should be any surprise to anyone who's been in the dating market.

The thing that is a bit surprising is that women do seem to cheat to get the "other" side quite often. It does seem that women want something that's difficult to embody in one person, a strong man who's got a harem of women at his beck and call but also who will remain faithful to just her and is sensitive and understanding. That's a tall order, and something that very few men have to offer as the goals are nearly entirely opposed to one another.

I guess you could say men want something similar; the Madonna/whore thing. Very few men want to date/marry a woman who's a slept with 100's of men, but every man wants his wife to act like a wh**e with him. This is far more achievable, but still requires quite a split internally.

Your wife's affair did not have ANYTHING to do with you.

I recommend all BSs adopt this idea.

I prefer to see a BS learning about what was broken with the WS and ascertaining whether or not the WS is changing. This helps the BS build the trust bank that better supports the long haul if the WS is actually improving, or, it is beneficial for the BS to see improvement so they don't throw a good thing away, if "a good thing" is what the WS is becoming. Or inversely, the BS can identify not enough improvement is being made, demand more, choose not to waste time, or divorce. In any case, learning more about what was broken with the WS provides the best outcome for the BS, no matter how the WS responds.

To add, a controlled WS is still an unhappy WS, -and this continues to stifle your life with worry of risk, burden, and unfulfillment. The more you attempt to control your spouse, the more you learn you can't. Instead, the WS needs to change their thinking so they intrinsically do not cheat, ie., they do not cheat because they do not want to, because they do not need to. This requires a change in thinking, a change in world view, a change in beliefs, a greater appreciation of self worth and legacy. Basically the WS grows a new perception of life based on a new set of beliefs, and this grows a new personality. The BS still needs work on self but should never ever forget that the WS holds the biggest broken switch and this broken switch needs to be fixed correctly to achieve a most successful reconciliation.

She begin to drink way too much.

My appreciation of addiction keeps growing. People can do crazy things chasing their mood altering drug of choice depending on the strength of their addiction. If strong, and if a BS gets in the way, and if an AP supports it, then look out. Or sometimes a WS's intake is increased to more emotionally sooth the WS during the affair, but then this action snowballs and generates more problems. Or, a BS's addiction can trigger a WS radical action. And furthermore, when a person uses mood altering drugs over an extended period of time, IMO, it starts distorting the addict's world view.

IMO, if a WS has an addiction problem, the addiction problem needs to be prioritized as one of the largest broken switches of the WS, if not THE largest switch. An emotionally unhealthy person cannot help to build an emotionally healthy relationship. And even if you reestablished what appears to be a stable relationship with drug addiction included, be leery. Addiction is a progressive disease. It grows. The chases become more aggressive. The intakes increase. The world view continues to distort. While using, it's a downward slide always.

SL

I believe that women have biological programming to be attracted to both the sexy alpha male to provide good genes and the nice-guy who will stick around to help raise the children.

But that isn’t a reason to be angry at women. It is instead a reason to have sympathy for them for few men can meet these conflicting needs. Many women are doomed to settle for one or the other or something unsatisfyingly in-between.

Some men resent this and use “red pill” theory to justify treating women with disrespect. Or to justify lying, seducing and then discarding women.

But the proper response is to step up one’s game to be both dominant and loving. Confident yet caring.

These lesser men will not do so because at their core they are weak and mask their awareness of innate shortcomings with false confidence.

I don’t know about biology and attraction, but the stereotype is that men cheat with younger, prettier, more fertile women than they are married to. My wh is a bit of an alpha, but we met as teenagers, so no other relationship to compare. When he cheated, he was failing in his business. And the mow was uneducated, older than I am and hideous. Not smart at all, and with 4 kids already, not a great prospect biologically.

When I want chocolate, i crave it bad, but I’ve never grabbed a candy bar out of someone’s hand or stolen one from a huge display. I tend to disagree with the biology argument. Entitled damaged people justify taking what they want. And if biology were correct, why didn’t wh run off with the blow job queen, if he had been scientifically drawn to her and the connection was real?

Broken, fucked up people cheat. They cheat on whoever they are with for as many different reasons as there are humans. It has absolutely nothing to do with the person they cheat on and everything to do with themselves.

Well thanks, everybody. I clicked the link thinking I was going to get some Matrix, which pill would you take, sort of conversation.

Me too. And I am disappointed.

I don’t know about biology and attraction, but the stereotype is that men cheat with younger, prettier, more fertile women than they are married to. My wh is a bit of an alpha, but we met as teenagers, so no other relationship to compare. When he cheated, he was failing in his business. And the mow was uneducated, older than I am and hideous. Not smart at all, and with 4 kids already, not a great prospect biologically.

When I want chocolate, i crave it bad, but I’ve never grabbed a candy bar out of someone’s hand or stolen one from a huge display. I tend to disagree with the biology argument. Entitled damaged people justify taking what they want. And if biology were correct, why didn’t wh run off with the blow job queen, if he had been scientifically drawn to her and the connection was real?

THIS THIS THIS

[This message edited by strugglebus at 6:59 AM, December 2nd (Saturday)]

You should be the strIngest best man you can be, but for YOU. Not anyone else. That exudes confidence. Women like confidence, not cockiness. Confidence is dominant, cockiness is domineering. Being authentic is confident. Being something you’re not, is disengenuous and obvious, be the best you, and the rest follows accordingly. But, also, DONT be a pushover. Being assertive is healthy

The other thing about biology: if it’s natural, and biological, and ingrained, why (men & women) lie about it? If it’s driven by nature, one would be incredulous at the notion that it was wrong. Yet, covering up, lying, whatsapp, Craigslist, she’s just a friend, it was a mistake... i hear very little here that cheaters reaction is “what did I do wrong? It’s totally natural to sleep around.” Or betrayed saying, “oh yeah, i get it, the urge is stronger than your common sense so have at it. Totally natural.” Or in the case of the current news, why pay people off and have non disclosure agreements for something so right? Biology my ass.

really good point ^^

This “theory” having elements of truth to it reminds me of my getting a fortune with my Panda Express meal yesterday foretelling that I’d have a great day today. And I did (or will)! So does that mean fortunes in cookies are prescient?

I'm not saying I think non-monogamy is natural---I don't know---but I don't think keeping it secret is a good argument for that. Just look at homosexuality---historically in our western culture as well as many others, it has been (and often still is) kept under wraps due to what society thinks. Fear of judgment is a great silencer, whether the thing in question is biologically ingrained or not.

I really do not care for the "gender" differences that always seem to be debated about here at SI. Does it really matter? No, it doesn't, imo.

The bottom line is this. People cheat. Male and female. It isn't because of anything the betrayed person is or isn't, did or doesn't do, said or didn't say. It is all on the person who cheated. It is all about their weaknesses, their unhealthy coping mechanisms, their entitlement, their selfishness, their ego, their FoO, their mental health status.

Fuck the red pill.

There’s a really popular website that is based on this theory and has tons of discussion posts with men talking about red pill vs blue pill and how to use it to ‘game’ women. In my post-divorce world, I have read pages and pages of this particular site.

Overwhelmingly, it seems the men posting (I won’t generalize this to ALL men who believe in this concept) believe women are like children: incapable of complex thought, unable to separate from their base emotions, driven to follow the lead of powerful men because women, by nature, NEED to be led. They talk about how to convince women to sleep with them, how to juggle several women at once, how to date women from lesser developed nations and Eastern European countries where they are raised to be submissive, maintain their virginity until married and then be dirty in bed for their husband (who is juggling side pieces and has slept with dozens of other women), stay home and raise the kids while allowing their husband to lead the family and be the decision maker. By and large, women are seen as conquests who are incapable of having mature, complex thoughts and are lesser than men.

Listen, I am alpha in every aspect of my life. I have a leadership role at work, I am a single mom who manages my own household, I am a leader in every way possible in my life. And in my personal life? I like a man who can take charge sometimes. Does that mean I like red pill men? Not by the standards above. Instead I want a man who takes care of his own business and also can take care of me. But that necessitates balance. Any man who viewed me as a hopeless simp who needed him to lead my silly-girl self through life would not survive long around me.

FWIW, my ex and I split the role at home prettt damn well. We worked well and balanced each other. But I was more alpha in the outside world. I never cheated, in 18 years together. He did. So maybe it was HIS inability to handle the fact that I am a boss woman who made more money than he did and had respect and power he didn’t have that led him to cheat?

It's not a popular opinion, but I think a large majority of the discussion about alpha vs. beat, red-pill vs. blue-pill is just mental gymnastics. It's an excuse people use to justify certain behaviors, or it's a way to try and degrade others to make one's self seem superior in some way.

People making sweeping generalizations about others and placing them into one category or another makes it easy for the person doing the sorting to disregard the people they sort, and in a way, it dehumanizes them, which breeds a feeling of superiority because "you're not in the same classification as me".

I find it odd how this is just another form of the same shit we were all dealing with since grade school. So much for maturity.