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When did you notice the triggers werent triggers anymore?

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DragnHeart posted 10/6/2020 04:23 AM

I dont know if it's a trigger exactly but I lost my shit and yelled at wh this morning.

He was pulling his poor me crap, I have no one to talk to, you hate me, why bother living...

He always has done this. And usually I fell for it.

This time I yelled at him that this is his fault. He hasnt done the work and this is where it's got him.

Stupid idle threats of suicide wont be tolerated and are just a fucking manipulative tactic.

This was as he was walking out the door. I slammed it shut amd walked back inside. He text when he got to work, apologized for setting me off. Said his co worker brought in season 4 of SON and that its weird for us to be watching a show like this with the cheating he did. He said if its triggering he'll understand if I dont want to keep watching.

I told him it's not triggering.

I WANTED TO SAY "but your bullshit is" but I didnt.

tushnurse posted 10/6/2020 07:32 AM

Dragn.... do NOT allow him to make idle threats. If he does you call the ambulance, or throw his ass in the car and take him to the ER.
You do this a time or two he will either
a. get the help he needs.
b. stop this manipulation tactic.

Either way it must be done, because if he does do something you will feel guilt and shame for a long time, and it would be really hard on your kids, and your relationship with your kids.

Secondly.... You should have called him out on his BS triggering you. Dealing w/ them is how they go away.

I also have to add that I had one trigger that I had no control over and couldn't heal, and that was the seeing the name of the town that OW lives in. It is a moderately sized well known midwest city that has a giant annual event every spring for the elite, just like her, she was trust fund kid, and an attorney..... Where I worked in the first year after Dday was managing the office and that included processing payments from said city, and it appeared on every single envelope from a major insurance payor. That one went away just from repeated exposure, but damn it took a long time.

DragnHeart posted 10/6/2020 07:56 AM

Dragn.... do NOT allow him to make idle threats. If he does you call the ambulance, or throw his ass in the car and take him to the ER.
You do this a time or two he will either
a. get the help he needs.
b. stop this manipulation tactic.

One of his emails back to me said that thinking of all of this makes him depressed.

I responded that if he cant look in the mirror and face his demons without getting depressed or suicidal he needed to get his ass to the doctor and that I wouldn't tolerate talk like that.

This is a manipulation tactic.

When I set him up on his personal ad and showed up at the location he had arranged for NSA sex, he pulled this crap.

When he lost his job at the affair whore house place (lol no it was an actual legit business not whore house but that's where all his affairs took place). He called and said he felt like not coming home at all and just driving the car off a bridge. I talked to him all the way home. I should have called 911 instead. Hindsight 20/20 right.

I do think that he could be depressed. I asked today if he talks to any of the guys at work. They all seem to share way more personal stuff then he cares to know lol. He said he doesnt talk to anyone there.

Back when he joined SI I told him that the people here would listen, would offer support. He just disnt want to be called on his bullshit.

It's up to him to fix his shit. If he throws out another suicide threat I'll dial 911 and leave it to the professionals to handle.

DragnHeart posted 10/6/2020 08:01 AM

I also have to add that I had one trigger that I had no control over and couldn't heal, and that was the seeing the name of the town that OW lives in

I dont live near ow2 town anymore so I can avoid it easily.

Her name OTOH is so damn common. Our insurance agent, a few on our community page.

Instead of using ow2 or whore or whatever else I used to call her when wh and I discuss his affair with her, or I'm just venting I use her name. Thinking that if I expose myself to it enough eventually I wont get sick to my stomach when. See or hear it in day to day life. So far....I guess its working but man. It's hard some days.

tushnurse posted 10/6/2020 09:39 AM

Yah my H's AP's name was the same of a niece.
Ass hole.

stillfrozen posted 10/6/2020 12:41 PM

Whenever my WH and I watch a movie or tv show together and there is a scene of infidelity, or talk of such, he usually shuts down. But I always notice that after watching, he seems to be more loving. Almost like watching that scene reminded him of what he has done, and then he tried to show me affection so it doesnít trigger me as badly. I am glad you were able to get through a few seasons of a show without too many issues. Thatís a great step forward!!!

DragnHeart posted 10/6/2020 13:57 PM

Almost like watching that scene reminded him of what he has done, and then he tried to show me affection so it doesnít trigger me as badly

My wh will acknowledge something like this now. But for years he simply ignored it.

I have the added pleasure of multiple APs and ddays so triggers are frigging everywhere. But I am getting better.

We started season three of SON and I'm doing ok. I'm looking forward to finding out what happens.

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