Pizzatheaction posted 10/2/2020 12:03 PM

Major trigger for me today that totally threatened to destroy what had been a lovely day out.

I wandered into a posh clothes boutique. That is rare for me, dont enjoy clothes shopping. However I have lost 4.5 stone, desperately need new clothes, so took a peek. WH stayed outside - he has never been interested in me clothes shopping.

I tried on lovely top not my usual style. All I could think was - bet WH would have come in here with the OW and fawned over her while she tried stuff on. She is 15 years younger than me, an amateur body builder, with an amazing body. (It was an EA, she sent lots of pics and there were compliments aplenty - which I have only recently seen).

I could feel tears coming. But I looked up, just thought, f* "k this, I am having a bloody good day! Concentrated on myself, how I looked, all the hard work and determination. I talked myself out of that destructive loop in my head.

If I have done it once, I can do it again. And I bought that top. Winner winner, chicken dinner.

thatbpguy posted 10/2/2020 12:04 PM

Hey, enjoy that BCD (big chicken dinner). And load those spuds with gravy while you're at it.

Chaos posted 10/2/2020 12:13 PM

f* "k this, I am having a bloody good day!

Get that on a cup, a mug, a bumper sticker - print it out and put it on your mirror.

That's bad ass stuff right there.

Now take yourself [while wearing that top] out someplace nice. In fact, buy a new lipstick to go with it.

Pizzatheaction posted 10/2/2020 12:15 PM

Thank you - there may well be dumplings too!

Pizzatheaction posted 10/2/2020 12:17 PM

Thank you Chaos, however we are in local lockdown!

Saving it for a weekend away with my bff when this is all over, with the new haircut, lipstick - and quite possibly new boots. Of the bitch variety.

NotMyFirstRodeo posted 10/2/2020 12:35 PM

Good for you PTA! Do it because it *you* deserve it, not for what someone else may or may not think!

DragnHeart posted 10/2/2020 12:40 PM

That's awesome. You rock.

fareast posted 10/2/2020 13:18 PM

Just excellent PTA! Yes, do it for you! You absolutely deserve this. Get out there and show off those new clothes. Those boots are made for walking. (Sorry!😳. It’s a Nancy Sinatra reference. You are much too young!)

Sofarsogood posted 10/2/2020 14:23 PM

Good job PTA! I too have lost weight this year and have had lots of compliments about how good (and how much younger) I look! My FWH made the comment recently that he'd like to see me again 10 lbs (yeah...not gonna happen.)

Lalagirl posted 10/2/2020 14:37 PM

Congratulations on getting that power back, lady! So happy for you! ((((pizzatheaction))))

there may well be dumplings too!

Set an extra place at the table for me!

Want2BHappyAgain posted 10/3/2020 09:29 AM

AWESOME reaction to that trigger !!! It does get easier too...you just need to have the mindset that YOU will WIN...and you do!!!

As for the adultery co-conspirator...a turd can be whittled down and have chocolate and sprinkles put all over it so that the outside hides the stink and looks delectable. But inside...it is still a turd .

Onebiglie posted 10/4/2020 11:05 AM

This is awesome for you

In addition

Why is he not giving you more attention? That is why you had that thought, because you are sure that HE would treat that so and so better than his own FAITHFUL beautiful wife.

That's his problem to solve.

So yes it's great you managed to have a nice day, but why is he not fixing the cause of the trigger in the first place.

Why are you dealing with this all on your own.

R is about reconciliing after infidelity with the GOAL of having a 'normal healthy marriage again'

Well you don't have the normal part (YET) because there WAS infidelity,

And in 'normal healthy marriages' where there was no infidelity, wives do NOT HAVR to think about how their husbands WOULD have treated some random woman BETTER than them.

But HE TOOK AWAY this comfort from YOU, and thus you are not in one of THESE marriages.

You're in the ones where he's supposed to HELP YOU at the VERY LEAST with the horrible pain of triggers he's BURDENED you with,

so you don't have to pretend you're in a normal marriage by not talking about this or pretending it didn't happen.

He should be giving you all the attention that you need, DEFINITELY more than he did HER.

So you don't have the triggers in the first place.

If he showed more interest in you and went with you, you wouldn't have had this particular trigger. It is his fault you have a reason to have triggers in the first place and it is his fault you had this trigger this time.

I for one am sick of BS having to deal with triggers on their own- no they DON'T have to - with WS taking no responsibility or accountability for what THEY caused.

It's like tripping over a banana peel that he deliberately and carelessly left on the floor. Why should YOU have always PICK UP the banana peel instead of HIM just

NOT LEAVING IT HERE for you to fall.

Or YOU falling and PICKING yourself ul when he's RIGHT THERE and doesn't bother to help you.

Or not even APOLOGISING for leaving it there for you to fall.

Do you see how messed up this is. If it was actually a banana peel or he spilled water on the floor or something like literally he did.

You would be annoyed, and he would apologise if he was a decent person (although I maintain that WS who abuse their spouses with infidelity are not decent people because decent people wouldn't do that of course) he would apologise.

So why would we expect a WH to apologise for causing leaving something for her to fall in reality like a banana peel.

But not emotionally like a trigger.

No one ever says, you need to get over him leaving banana peels on the floor. You can't bring up bring up that he KEEPS doing that, forever.

YOU long suffering wife, need to be BETTER at remembering to pick up the banana peels even though he leaves them in different places and you can never tell when or where he'll leave them.

And if you fall you need to get over it and get used to picking yourself up even though he doesn't need to get better at stopping the hurtful and careless leaving of the banana peels over, and over again

dancin-gal posted 10/4/2020 12:33 PM

Awesome!!! Triggers stink .. so happy you overcame it !!!
Next time have your WS go into the store with you .. my WS went shopping with the OW and bought her clothes and jewelry ..in 49 years my WS wouldn’t go shopping with me .. didn’t like it .. now in the past 15 months he does and now says that would look great on you .. or that is your color .. big change ..
Enjoy your new top and keep positive thoughts front and center in your mind! You deserve to feel special !!!!