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New trial date has been set

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barcher144 posted 10/8/2020 09:43 AM

Mini update...

STBXW testified in court that she was so busy being a mom that she couldn't possibly work full time. Sniffles. She was specifically asked if she would allow me to take the kids to the doctor. She initially evaded the question, saying that I was always welcome to come on my own. When pressed further, she admitted that she would not allow me to take the kids to the doctor.

Last week, I got a message from DD15's therapist that she was having issues and recommended that DD15 have a visit with a psychiatrist.

My GF (who is a teacher with a strong background in psychology as part of her MS work) thinks that DD15 has Aspergers. So, perfect timing, right? Let's get her evaluated for Aspergers, right?

I emailed STBXW and asked her to let me be involved. No response for 4 days. I sent a follow-up message... the response was "I'm working on it, I'll let you know." Yesterday, I get a message from STBXW with the details of the psychiatry visit, which were basically DD15 is doing okay, that the concerns of the therapist were not worth further psychiatric treatment. I was told that if I had questions, I could call the psychiatrist and ask questions.

I called the doctor... and Aspergers was discussed and the psychiatrist recommended that DD15 get evaluated but that was not something that her office did.

I am pretty sure this will come up in court on Oct 22. STBXW testified that I would be allowed to attend doctor's visits, then intentionally hid a visit from me so that I could not attend, and then intentionally omitted the most pertinent detail of the doctor's visit.And all communication is in writing.

DragnHeart posted 10/8/2020 09:57 AM

Archer I have followed along your journey and I'm just so amazed that your stbexw is so damn selfish. Ok maybe not that surprised but shit. This is her own child.

I'm happy you have all of that in writing and hope the courts see her for the shitty parent she is.

Also fist bumps to you for all you have gone through. You rock!

ZenMumWalking posted 10/8/2020 11:51 AM

And all communication is in writing.

Ding Ding Ding we have a winner!!!!!!

I hope the judge knows how to spell parental alienation.....

barcher144 posted 10/8/2020 14:11 PM

Sadly, I don't think the court is going to do much about it.

Right now, my lawyer is not communicating with me much. I'm not worried about that problem... she always gets back to me eventually. My guess is that she's super busy right now... apparently, this pandemic means that business is booming for divorce attorneys. In fact, a friend of mine told me that she's getting divorced.

crazyblindsided posted 10/8/2020 14:24 PM

then intentionally hid a visit from me so that I could not attend, and then intentionally omitted the most pertinent detail of the doctor's visit.And all communication is in writing.

holy crap your ex is demented and dellusional. I hope the judge rules in favor of your daughter's mental health.

Catwoman posted 10/8/2020 14:38 PM

Sadly, I don't think the court is going to do much about it.

With regards to any parental alienation, I would agree. It's one incident, not a pattern.

HOWEVER, what is important here is that she impeached her own integrity by saying one thing in court and doing two things outside of court. Courts generally want to see parents collaborating on things like healthcare, and she's shown that she's not going to do that (at least in this instance). She has also shown that she is not going to be forthcoming on medical issues by hiding the recommendations from the therapist.

I guess we'll see what the judge thinks about this. It could truly be dismissed as "these things happen," or the court could take it more seriously.

Cat

Lalagirl posted 10/8/2020 15:04 PM

I hope the judge rules in favor of your daughter's mental health.

As do I.

It's so sad that the only person who suffers is your DD, and for what - her mother's delusional "pride."

barcher144 posted 10/9/2020 08:45 AM

I hope the judge rules in favor of your daughter's mental health.

I'm not a lawyer, so I have no idea how this is going to turn out, but I can't believe the judge would do anything. This part of the trial is about child support, alimony, and legal fees (she wants me to pay hers). Custody has already been determined and we have an official parenting agreement.

But, an explicit requirement of the parenting agreement (signed in Feb by me and STBXW, signed in March by the Judge) requires that we all enroll in family therapy.

The problem, to date, is that STBXW refuses to give permission to start family therapy. She has the authority to thwart us from going to therapy, according to my lawyer, because she has 50% legal custody (like me), meaning that both of us have to agree to start a new treatment (except in an emergency).

The question that I asked my attorney is if we can ask the judge to allow me to enroll us (me + kids) in family therapy without STBXW's permission. I think/hope that's a legal possibility. That's about the BEST that I can hope for.

The good news is that my relationship with the other two children remains strong.

Poppy704 posted 10/9/2020 08:54 AM

When you start family therapy do you plan to respect your children’s privacy and HIPPA laws and stop sharing their medical information with your girl friend? At 15, your daughter deserves to have a say in who knows all the details of her doctors’ appointments and it’s a major invasion that you are not respecting that.

barcher144 posted 10/9/2020 12:50 PM

When you start family therapy do you plan to respect your children’s privacy and HIPPA laws and stop sharing their medical information with your girl friend?

Well, I suppose that's one way to look at it.

Please don't ever respond in my threads again, thanks!

Poppy704 posted 10/9/2020 13:00 PM

I also have a 15 year old. Please at least consider that you are sharing things that are HERS with your very new significant other and she has a right to privacy regarding her mental health. Therapy is a protected space for a reason.

crazyblindsided posted 10/9/2020 13:21 PM

The question that I asked my attorney is if we can ask the judge to allow me to enroll us (me + kids) in family therapy without STBXW's permission. I think/hope that's a legal possibility. That's about the BEST that I can hope for.

I am hoping for this for you too. Especially since the therapist wanted to refer her to a psychiatrist.That should be priority whether you ex likes it or not.

barcher144 posted 10/9/2020 14:32 PM

I also have a 15 year old. Please at least consider that you are sharing things that are HERS with your very new significant other and she has a right to privacy regarding her mental health. Therapy is a protected space for a reason.

I thought that I asked you not to respond in my threads any longer?

First, she does not have the right to privacy that you suggest. I am her father and I have the legal right to all of her medical information and I can do with it what I choose. I don't make this up... it's the law.

Second, my girlfriend is not new. She and I have been dating for 23 months.

Third, I have not shared anything private with my GF because I am not privy to what is discussed at her therapy or with her psychiatrist. I respect my daughter's privacy.

Fourth, the reality is that my girlfriend suggested Aspergers as a possibility based on her own observations.

So, yeah, you don't have the slightest clue what you are talking about... so please move along. Troll elsewhere.

[This message edited by barcher144 at 2:36 PM, October 9th (Friday)]

barcher144 posted 10/9/2020 14:35 PM

Especially since the therapist wanted to refer her to a psychiatrist.That should be priority whether you ex likes it or not.

The problem, which has been implicit through this entire divorce, is that I play by the rules and I get screwed. STBXW goes to court for a temporary hearing and lies and I get kicked out of the house and I get stuck with a completely unreasonable monthly payment for the last 16 months. STBXW does something similar at the custody evaluation and the custody evaluator overlooks all of her lies (they're just poor decisions) and the parental alienation and I lose custody of my kids.

Now, she refuses to grant permission for me to take the kids to a family therapist but then she takes DD15 to a psychiatrist without my permission and intentionally acts so that I cannot participate.

Doing the right thing sure does get old because I'm completely getting screwed in the process.

crazyblindsided posted 10/9/2020 16:28 PM

Doing the right thing sure does get old because I'm completely getting screwed in the process.

I'm really starting to see how flawed our justice system is

Poppy704 posted 10/9/2020 20:30 PM

YOU have the legal right to speak to her doctors. Your girl friend, who you have been with for less than two years (which I’m both adult terms and the length of your daughters life is new), should not be privvy to your children’s information. You show poor judgement involving her in your legal drama. Now she’s making armchair diagnoses. You are goi g to damage your relationship further if you keep inviting her into issues where she does not belong.

tushnurse posted 10/10/2020 20:08 PM

Poppy honey you lose credibility consodering you don't even have the acronym correct.
It is HIPAA. And if you actually read what it says you will find it has more to do with insurance and billing than patient privacy, which doesn't come into consideration as the child is clearly a minor.

The1stWife posted 10/10/2020 22:54 PM

Barcher I feel badlyfor your child. I hope the court sees fit to allow you to obtain the help she needs.

However you have threads in the past where you took delight in poking the bear, your STBXW. I was one if those who implored you to stop.

So this situation with your STBXW should be of no surprise. I’m not saying her behavior regarding the children and your access and relationship is right. But it should not be a surprise to you.

Her vindictiveness against you may be her attempts at parental alienation. Or she’s trying to go no contact with you as much as possible.

I hope your children can weather this storm.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 5:36 AM, October 11th (Sunday)]

Carissima posted 10/11/2020 05:08 AM

Just a few thoughts/questions. You say you wanted to attend the appointment, do you mean you wanted to sit in or just wait and have a discussion with the doctor afterwards?
I ask because having been a 15 year old girl once there's no way in hell I would have voluntarily consented to my dad standing an appointment like that and he was my favourite and closest parent. I would only have had my mum there if it was legally necessary.
I guess what I'm asking is if you've considered if your daughter asked for her mum to take her to the appointment without telling you beforehand because she didn't want a fight about you attending?
Similarly have you considered the reason there's been no follow up appointment about the Aspergers is because your daughter's asked for some time? It must be a lot to have gotten put to her, especially for a girl at her age. Any reason to be different from the rest of her friends, her peer group is going to be hard to come to terms with and while I can see the possibility of a diagnosis it's something you'd want to grab with both hands and run with I can totally see your daughter asking her mum not to schedule the appointment just yet.
It's just a thought, your daughter may be reluctant about discussing it with you depending on your attitude about the possible diagnosis.

HellFire posted 10/11/2020 08:56 AM

Just because the child is a minor, doesn't mean her parents get to sit in on the session. It also doesn't mean the therapist will give the parent any information about the session.
She is the patient,not the parent. And most therapists will not divulge what is being said during their session. Unless the child is at risk of harming themselves, or others.

My 16 year old daughter is currently in therapy. The very first appointment, the IC asked my daughter if she wanted to be alone,or wanted me to come back with her. She chose to have me come back. I sat quietly. This was her time, not mine. I was asked a few questions, but that was it. She's been in therapy for three months. Ive sat in on a total of 3 sessions, all because my daughter asked if I could. Ive not spoken to the therapist about the private sessions. I can see that therapy is helping, because I see it in my daughter. And thats what is important. Not me being "in the know."

[This message edited by HellFire at 8:58 AM, October 11th (Sunday)]

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