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Blindsided

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Blindsidedva posted 8/14/2020 20:29 PM

Looks like sheíll be out of here on Sunday! She told me this afternoon and has spent the afternoon getting and packing her stuff Iíve also noticed sheís spending a lot of time trying to talk to me son about whatís getting ready to happen. I think I will feel much better whenís sheís not here and I can really start NC. Thanks for all the great advice

Buffer posted 8/15/2020 00:02 AM

Ok strength, breath in take a step, breath out, take a step, now repeat.
You will get by, like a Phoenix rising from the ashes.
Keep up with #1 the children. STBX is nothing like who you originally fell in love with. Keep shining that light on her wayward ways.
In the separation agreement can you stipulate that her new boy friends canít be around your children until a period of time? Some people target married women to get close to their children. You donít want you children when on her weekend stay over. Having one or more boyfriends over as well.
One day at a time.
Buffer

Blindsidedva posted 8/15/2020 18:07 PM

Well looks like she spent the day packing while I was at work today. This is starting to get real and Iím not sure how I feel about it. I know it will be for the best but itís starting to not feel that way

goalong posted 8/15/2020 19:13 PM

even a person you do not like much you feel little sad if that person happen to go away for good. Between two of you there may have been a big communication lapse for you to be blindsided or she think her POM is a step up (some consider marriage like a business deal). Anyhow at her age she is taking a big risk trusting someone who cheat.
Any how considered you disengage from a person with similar attitude to her OM. Your best response is to progress in your life with added determination.

[This message edited by goalong at 7:14 PM, August 15th (Saturday)]

Bookgirl posted 8/16/2020 05:11 AM

Iím so sorry you are going through this. My partner of 15 years left me and our two children for his affair partner. He did this very quickly after disclosing.He moved out within the space of two weeks. Like you, I couldnít eat or sleep and I just got through it on Adrenalin I think. I was pretty calm and knew the best thing was for him to leave. However, once they are gone it does become more difficult and this is the time to look after yourself as much as you can. Reach out to friends, get yourself help from the doctor and a counsellor if possible. I know that I had to concentrate on breathing and slowing my thoughts down. It is the most horrifying thing Iíve ever been through. BUT, I survived it and so will you. I am a year and a half on from the terrible time you are going through and honestly it does get easier. I remember looking at my calendar and thinking I just need to get through each week. You will find lots of understanding and support on this site. We have all been where you are now.

Bookgirl posted 8/16/2020 07:11 AM

Ps, there is a thread in the section called I can relate, which is specifically for people who have found themselves in the situation where their partner leaves to be with their affair partner without any thought of reconciliation

Blindsidedva posted 8/16/2020 14:32 PM

Well I get home from work and sheís gone But for the last three days sheís been texting me and talking to me like this shit isnít really happening! She didnít take all of her stuff with her today. I really not sure how I feel looking around and seeing so much of her stuff being gone.

KingofNothing posted 8/16/2020 18:04 PM

Have you posted anything about the man she left you for? What do you actually know about him?

Blindsidedva posted 8/16/2020 18:58 PM

He is someone she has recently meet they have some shared interests. I know much more about him then she thinks I do. She has just recently told ď ourĒ friends that weíre separating but most of ďour ď friends know the truth because Iíve needed their help since D-day. Whatís funny is we had another couple go though this same thing about 4-5 years ago and the women in the group( my wife included) so I guess thatís why she didnít tell ď her girls ď the truth But they all knew.

Dismayed2012 posted 8/17/2020 10:57 AM

Your feelings when looking at her crap being gone from the home are normal. I went through the same string of emotions. I dealt with it over a couple months by filling in where her crap once was. I spread my clothing out and moved it into the drawers and closet space that she vacated. I changed the pictures in the house and removed her images and anything that reminded me of her. I gave Goodwill the pillow that she used in addition to a host of other items. I re-arranged the furniture, got rid of some and bought other pieces that I liked. I sold the China cabinet that she left along with the China it contained. I made the house mine.

This is what you need to do. Make your life and your things yours. You now have a great future ahead of you. Make success your goal. I wish the best for you.

Blindsidedva posted 8/17/2020 15:56 PM

Well my soon to be ex-wife returns from the beach with my daughter this afternoon and then spent the next couple hours here just doing stupid stuff like packing stuff she canít take for more then 3 weeks! She was just kinda hanging out like weíre friends. She doesnít want to be married to me anymore. Sheís got a new boyfriend! What the hell!

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