X

Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

more information about cookies...

Return to Forum List

Return to Just Found Out

SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Just Found Out

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

Blindsided

Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4

beenthereinco posted 8/5/2020 17:16 PM

Have you started any legal process for all of this? I would get that moving. She may move but she can come back whenever she feels like it. You need to protect yourself. There has been a lot of advice on here to get with a lawyer ASAP. Have you talked to one yet?

Blindsidedva posted 8/7/2020 19:02 PM

I have talked with a lawyer. I fell Iíve got things moving in the correct direction. Thanks everyone

goalong posted 8/7/2020 20:24 PM

Sheís scared how itís going to effect er relationship with our son

The real meaning of this is she is scared she is going to see consequences. Until this she did not lose anything. She can see the OM and comeback and behave like everything is normal. I guess she could not care less how this was affecting you.
Now you are taking decisive steps and she has to be accountable for herself. Though it is hard, do your other things even better and keep your head up. Positive anger may help you in this regard and also health wise like eating better. It is sexy to function well in the face of adversity

KingofNothing posted 8/9/2020 18:10 PM

Sheís scared how itís going to effect er relationship with our son ( whoís staying with me)

Not to be blunt or anything, but boo hoo hoo. That didnít seem to be important to her when she was deciding to destroy your family, why should it be important now?

So she has an acknowledged boyfriend now? When did you find out his name? Im clearly missing something.

Look, when she moves away, apply for full custody. Sheís abandoned her family.

Buffer posted 8/9/2020 19:10 PM

Strength brother you are doing the best you can.
I am unsure if you have shone a light on her infidelity.
Time to tell all family and friends, her work and if her play thing has one tell AP wife and or GF.
Have you been tested for STDs as she didnít practice safe sex.
She isnít a great mother, just a cheating WW who has re written her marriage to justify her shitty deliberate actions. Just take it one day at a time
Buffer

[This message edited by Buffer at 8:26 PM, August 9th (Sunday)]

thatbpguy posted 8/9/2020 20:04 PM

Remember to have her tested for STD' and TAKE CARE OF YOU!

steadychevy posted 8/9/2020 20:45 PM

By now you might be past the "can't eat" stage or have gotten some meal supplement drinks. I couldn't eat solid food for quite a while. I couldn't get it past the back of my tongue. Retching and dry heaves. I was able to drink fluids and meal replacement drinks got me the nutrition I needed to get by.

I'm sorry you're here, man, but it's probably the best place you could have found on such short notice. The best club there is that no one wanted to join.

You need to take care of yourself. Good that you went to a Dr. Get tested for STDs. You've seen a lawyer. Good. Follow through. Look after your son. You can support each other. Consider IC for both.

ShutterHappy posted 8/10/2020 02:38 AM

Blindsidedva,

In a normal couple, when there are disagreements, the spouses argue, discuss, and eventually either resolve their problems or decide together to divorce.

What makes it hard for you is that one day you were happily married with a family and the next, your spouse wants to leave you for someone else.

Itís so sudden that you feel that you just lost the person you love.

The reality is that your WW must have been in a relationship with the OM for a while and she grew tired of having a BF and a husband.

It takes a very self centered person to do this. First she let a 3rd person in your marriage. Then she tells her spouse, ďI donít love you anymore, so I will eventually go away when Iím ready. In the meantime, continue to be my husband and take care of our family while I date my BF in your faceĒ.

You are not losing the wonderful spouse you love, you are losing a selfish and cruel woman.

Does she feel bad about what sheís doing? Nope, she just worry about what her son will think of her.

Now, aside from the lawyer, you have to detach. This is for your own good. 180 means donít talk to her, donít sleep with her, donít have dinner with her, avoid her like the plague.

Imagine that someone came along and gave you $100 000 for your old 20 years old beat up truck. Thatís the OM getting a cheater. Heís doing you a favor and he doesnít know it.

Thereís nothing worst than having an unremorseful cheater in your life. So turn your thinking around and try to act happy the next time you see her

As for starting over... you will be left with half your stuff. Then you will mourn your relationship (like normal non cheater do). Then youíll date again... and meet someone who has lots of stuff, and there you go Thatís what happened to me and it can happen to you too.

Donít hide this, tell the world whatís happening. Ask support from friends and family. ďMy wife was cheating on me and I kicked her out of the house. Iím lucky, some poor bastard will take my cheaterĒ.

Blindsidedva posted 8/10/2020 09:49 AM

Thanks everybody sorry it took so long for me to get back to you but I was locked out of my account she's found an apartment and she's going to stay someplace until her move-in date with any luck she'll be gone sometime this week me and my son have been gone the last few days we're going back tomorrow afternoon I've been talking to a counselor I'm starting to feel better I'm able to eat a little better but not much to sleep in a little better I just can't wait for her to be gone

beenthereinco posted 8/10/2020 09:59 AM

I know it probably seems like it is all surreal and overwhelming. I am sorry. If she is moving out and you've talked to an attorney and are starting to follow their advice then you will start feeling better. What you should do now is really follow the 180. Do not engage with her on anything other than your son or the settlement of the divorce. Resist the urge to check on her. There is a real good chance she will try to keep you on the hook just a bit as she moves forward because at some point doubt will hit her that she and the POSOM are going to work. When she gets these doubts she will probably toss you a crumb of attention just to try to keep you as the backup. Don't fall for it.

Blindsidedva posted 8/10/2020 17:49 PM

Iím doing my best not to engage with her on anything other than the kids and a separation agreement My biggest issue now other than the obvious is the anger itís almost all consuming I know emotions like that are going to cloud my judgment with the negotiation process of the separation agreement.

Newlifeisgreat posted 8/10/2020 19:31 PM

Let the lawyer handle the negotiations!!

Blindsidedva posted 8/11/2020 19:14 PM

Nine days since I asked her to leave and she still there spending time with her boyfriend on the weekends when I go to work neglecting all the stuff that she says she Hass to do it before she can leave I spent a few days away with the my son at it was A great few days so maybe what I'll do is I'll take care of it all go stay somewhere until she leaves

Buffer posted 8/11/2020 20:00 PM

Well, she can sleep in her car for all you care. She has to be accountable for her actions. Time to shine a light on what you know and let others know. Children have to be told the truth but no sex details. They should be told of her full betrayal, times she put OM first over the family. Let her know that you have been tested for STDs, as well as STIs, as you believe this wasn't her first A.
Hold off telling her work that she is in a work place affair until after the D due to any alimony repercussions due to her non employment.

Close off all joint accounts, give her half less money spent on her A; (sexy cloths, presents to/from OM etc). Have a bonfire if anything is still in the house. You don't need her permission. She isn't a great mother, she is a selfish cheater; it is that simple.
Itemise all joint assets, photo and or video.
She is most likely spiriting monies to a account for her and him. Carry a VAR.
She will also have a legal obligation to pay child support, not from the move interstate but from the time she moves out. As well as rent and utilities from her time of notice to vacate.

No engaging with her at any level other that children and the separation. 180 or grey rock. Dress to impress even at home. Hit the gym, start socializing even if it is some social groups, book clubs, hobbies, men's shed, charities etc. Build a social life without her.

She is nothing to your home life. She has actively moved on without giving you the common decency to let you know that your marriage was in trouble. she decided that it was easier to look outside the marriage.

One day at a time.
Buffer

Blindsidedva posted 8/11/2020 20:42 PM

Thanks Buffer Iíve already started of the finances I know where the money is and whatís in them. Thx for the great advice

ShutterHappy posted 8/11/2020 21:48 PM

Do you own a house together? You canít legally kick her out unfortunately.

Did you talk to a lawyer yet? The sooner you start, the better.

Openly Dating her BF in your face (while still married to you) is despicable. I know how it feels, my XWW did that for a while, before moving out.

Just tell yourself that anybody who does something like that is not worthy of our attention.

ALotofHistory posted 8/12/2020 02:37 AM

You are getting great advice. Listen to it. Especially from your lawyer. You are doing well. Use that anger to focus on you and your son. Laser focus.

Soon...you will look back on this in a very different light.

Strength to you.

Blindsidedva posted 8/13/2020 16:06 PM

looks like our divorce process has finally started We spoke with the mediator last week to set up appointments WeChat individual appointments with the mediator this week my son has an appointment with her next week to speak about how he sees visitation a mediation starts for me and my soon to be ex-wife on Tuesday I've spoken to a few attorneys I've got a pretty good understanding of what my rights are and what I should expect the final outcome to be

Ginny posted 8/13/2020 16:09 PM

You are rocking this!

Dismayed2012 posted 8/14/2020 12:05 PM

Sorry to hear about your situation Blindsidedva.

"...neglecting all the stuff that she says she Hass to do it before she can leave..."

This is a stall tactic. Your WW doesn't want to experience the discomfort of having to move and rent. She wants the comfort of your home and the excitement of the new cock. If you can, you really should insist that she leave regardless of the supposed 'stuff' she has to do. Tell her that you'll take care of it if you must, but getting her out of your house is a critical key to your healing. You need physical separation and no contact.

This life is about you now. You are the prize. You are the most valuable person in this situation. Your choices and actions need to reflect this truth. Politely expel that woman from your house. Don't allow her to excuse her way into staying there any longer.

You'll eventually see that your WW has done you a great favor. Without her you have a successful future ahead of you. Take care of yourself. I wish the best for you.

Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4

Return to Forum List

Return to Just Found Out

© 2002-2020 SurvivingInfidelity.com ®. All Rights Reserved.     Privacy Policy