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Another one bites the dust!!!

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MrsWalloped posted 7/26/2020 10:22 AM

To my favorite aunt,

I am so so so happy for you!

You have been a guiding light to me ever since I joined here. You always treated me with love and respect, and never talked down to me despite me being a WW. You showed me love and compassion and empathy and that it was possible for me to find forgiveness and redemption. You made the goal of R real. You held me accountable and encouraged me to continue the work I was doing on myself and for my BH and our family. You showed me the other side, that a BS could find happiness and that R could really be achieved. Your story gave me purpose and when things were very hard for my BH and for me, your example and positivity were driving forces in my head knowing that it was more than worth the effort because I had someone who was on the other side of the pain who came through glowing and that gave me hope that my BH and I could one day get to the same place.

Next week is our 5th antiversary and I know we wouldn’t have made it this far without you. Thank you for your love and kindness, for your encouragement and positivity. Thank you for believing in me and never losing faith that I could become the person I want be and the wife my BH deserves.

Wishing you many many many years of love and happiness.

With love always.

Want2BHappyAgain posted 7/27/2020 10:06 AM

ISurvivedSoFar...thank YOU Dear Lady for your sweet words...they mean so much !!! YOU are truly an inspiration to ALL of us on here!!

MrsWalloped !!! My precious niece...your words made me cry...happy tears!

I often say that NO ONE comes out of an A unscathed. Everyone loses from infidelity . I am very happy that it was a BH and a WW who started this site because it gave WW's a place to HEAL as well . WW's get the brunt of the negativity that the raw PAIN brings out to newly traumatized BH's and BW's on here. However...some of you still stay and HELP others to understand things from a different perspective. And THAT my Dear Niece...is worth admiring .

I can't write as eloquently as you...but you give me way too much credit. YOU did all the work...no matter how painful it was...to help my darling nephew to HEAL...and in turned you HEALED too . HE did all the work to prove that mercy doesn't come from a place of weakness...it comes from STRENGTH...which gave YOU mercy and strength as well . I am so PROUD of BOTH of y'all!!! I hadn't seen y'all on here for a while...which isn't unusual for people who are happily in R . I am honored to see you come on here though to write on my thread!!!

FIVE YEARS...what a milestone !!! You know...that sounds like the PERFECT time to write a JOINT positive story to put in that "Positive Reconciliation Stories" thread !!! It's never been done before in that thread in the history of this site!! What a GIFT that would be for all the people who have followed y'alls journey...just saying .

Unhinged posted 7/27/2020 10:36 AM

Every year at the start of A season...I try to add a little something to my healing by taking away something. Mainly...trying to NOT look at the calendars I have which show what THEY were doing at any particular time. OR...not looking at past emails...or the google timeline. I have been moderately successful in backing away from them...
Are you ready to be completely successful in backing away from them? Could you throw it all away? Burn it all? A bonfire of the infidelities?

Want2BHappyAgain posted 7/27/2020 10:59 AM

Great questions! I may make that my mission next year . I like to attach something positive to something that happened that was negative to be able to OWN it...and this could be a very POSITIVE thing to do !

Because I came across the google timeline so late in recovery...it made some of what I thought had happened not be the case. Nothing major...just dates that we deduced certain things happening were not quite right. Like this last time. I had sent over pralines for the hotel staff who I had become friends with when I was there as a sort of "thank you". My H had told me that he and the adultery co-conspirator had a conversation in his hotel room about pralines. We deduced it was on the Tuesday before he left. But the google timeline showed he had gone to her house on that Tuesday...so WHY was she at his hotel that night?

Once I saw the calendar that showed the time he called me...and then the google timeline showing when he left work...when he arrived at the restaurant where they first met...and when he went to her house...there was no way she was at the hotel that night. However...the google timeline showed that they COULD have easily had the same conversation at the hotel on the Wednesday before he left. It is a LITTLE thing...but in my head it wasn't adding up...because for over 2 years I had thought she had spent the night at the hotel on that Tuesday...until the google timeline showed differently. LITTLE discrepancies can lead to BIG anxiety for me!!

Maybe I will get rid of everything next year . That sounds like a GOOD thing to do...thanks for that!!

Luna10 posted 7/27/2020 11:46 AM

Congratulations on your healing! As I initially joined, I have to say and I hope you don’t mind, reading your posts made me often think “I’ll have whatever she’s having”. 😅 You’ve been so focused on your healing, it was mind blowing to witness as a new joiner.

As I paid more and more attention to your posts and progress I turned to “and this is how working hard to heal, with or without the WS still in the picture, looks.” I hope one day I’ll achieve your healing points.

I am in awe of you!

[This message edited by Luna10 at 11:46 AM, July 27th (Monday)]

Want2BHappyAgain posted 7/27/2020 12:59 PM

Luna10...thank you so much for your sweet words!!! It is encouraging that you wrote “I’ll have whatever she’s having” . I have heard this most of my life! Until Dday that is .

There were several issues I had after Dday. Insomnia and weight loss that most BS's know all too well. I also had to have several crowns because my teeth kept breaking! My dentist asked me if I was under stress...what a question!!! He said that it looked like I was grinding my teeth in my sleep at night...which is sometimes caused from stressful situations. I even had EIGHTEEN warts on my hands !! Thankfully they are all gone now...and I haven't had to have a crown in a while . But the biggest issue was the loss of my positive outlook on life .

There was never a problem that I couldn't find a solution too. When others saw challenges...I saw opportunities . I am sure I could be annoying at times with that attitude . That all changed on Dday. I couldn't find a solution...even though I had been through this before in my 1st M. People noticed the difference. I had just had a life changing surgery though...and I was able to give that situation as an excuse for my somberness.

My zeal for life was gone because my faith in God got lost . I struggled so much with that the most...but thankfully I found my faith again and with God as my guide I was able to move forward . Having my H find God too was a wonderful lagniappe to all of this MESS!!!

I haven't gotten back all of my pre-A exuberance...but what you just wrote has sure made my day !!! You are so right too...with or without our WS...WE...CAN...HEAL .

Oldwounds posted 8/2/2020 10:35 AM

I'm here to say you can also THRIVE despite it!

So true, and I'm very glad you are thriving W2BHA!

Want2BHappyAgain posted 8/3/2020 08:09 AM

Oldwounds...who would have thought HAPPINESS could come again after something as devastating as an A? Yet we are BOTH here to say it can and WILL be overcome !!

I am so HAPPY to see you back on here again...you were missed!

Tentwinkletoes posted 8/3/2020 12:54 PM

W2BHA you are such a positive vibrant force on this site. Sharing your optimism and experiences. I would recommend throwing out the evidence. I chucked it and mainly to stop me looking anymore but id found all the sordid cheap details and it just added more disgust to the events themselves to dwell on them. Nothing new could be discovered and no new emotions would be related to them. Once I removed my ability to obsess over them they lost significance. I know you're not obsessing but you do hold or reserve that right to do so like a safety net by keeping them....or at least I did...only the safety net holds you back and creates limitations. I think youre strong enough to go it without the safety net.

I'm ao glad you are turning negatives into positives. Its what you're great at doing! Keeping spreading your spark and light

Want2BHappyAgain posted 8/5/2020 07:44 AM

Tentwinkletoes...HI !!! I believe you may be right...that "safety net" could be more like a "cast net"...trapping me inside and weighing me down!

I will see about making that my "next step" for next year !!! The calendars...emails...texts...etc don't bother me too much the rest of the year...but when A season comes around I do get a little anxious about them. It looks like it is time to cut myself FREE from that net !!!

Accidentaldiva posted 8/7/2020 08:36 AM

Congratulations, Want2BHapyAgain! Your advice and kindness really helped me in the early days after DD, especially when the AP contacted us. You are so deserving of happiness and it sounds like your husband now realizes the beautiful thing that he almost destroyed. I am not looking at SI much right now, but I remembered reading this post a while back and I wanted to circle back to thank you. At 5 months out from DD, I am doing pretty well. My husband is recovering quickly from heart surgery and has made some really great changes in terms of healthy eathing and exercise as well as embarking on helping me heal. We are both doing IC and we had our first MC session online this week. "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass has helped us a lot too. We've been walking together for at least an hour every day, which gives us a lot of time to talk. I still have bad days, but it is already more manageable. My husband has nothing but regrets about his infidelity and he wishes that he had never met the AP.

Anyway, thanks again!!!

Want2BHappyAgain posted 8/7/2020 17:09 PM

Accidentaldiva...you are very welcome...thank you for your wonderfully positive post !!! I LOVE that you are moving forward in your healing! As with any trauma...there will be some bad with the good...but more GOOD days will keep coming as you heal .

I am very happy to see your H is taking on a more healthier lifestyle all the way around too...this is awesome !! Living in the light of TRUTH must really be helping HIM to heal too!!!

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