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Another one bites the dust!!!

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Want2BHappyAgain posted 7/20/2020 16:16 PM

Yesterday was the 6th antiversary of the day the world as I knew it changed forever. THANK YOU to everyone who has been through this journey with me and have HELPED me more than I can ever repay. Y'all are truly a FAMILY to me . Yep...I have a little "brother"...a sweet "niece"...and an awesome "nephew" on here among others...and I appreciate ALL of you!!!

It was 68 days from the time my H and the adultery co-conspirator met until the day he got on the plane to leave her country and to come home to me. I have finite times during my H's A of when he worked...as well as time stamped restaurant and event receipts that show where THEY were at a particular time. With all of this information...along with the google timeline and messages...calls...and emails...I could practically SEE the times THEY were together. I didn't get all of this information at once. In fact...I was in shock for a while and by the time I got some of my senses about me it was too late to retrieve deleted texts and whatsapp messages. But every time I got more information it corroborated with what my H told me. This built up trust...slowly...but surely .

The first 2 years were TOUGH . I credit myself and my H for working our way OUT of infidelity to where we are now. I also THANK GOD for His wisdom and guidance in getting us on the path we are now . I lost my faith on Dday...but I am so happy that God gives us more chances to redeem ourselves!!!

On the day of my 2nd antiversary...something changed . Y'all can read about it on page 13 of the "Positive Reconciliation Stories" that is pinned at the top of this Forum . YES...I'm gonna plug that thread...it meant so much for me to read those POSITIVE stories when I was feeling so negative. Y'all should read them yourselves...and contribute also !!!

Every year at the start of A season...I try to add a little something to my healing by taking away something. Mainly...trying to NOT look at the calendars I have which show what THEY were doing at any particular time. OR...not looking at past emails...or the google timeline. I have been moderately successful in backing away from them...and I have actually forgotten a few things too...YAY!!! THIS year I went almost the whole time without looking at ANY of the information...almost . I had just 3 days left in this A season when a thought came into my head about something. I wasn't sure if it FIT in the calendars. The more I thought about it...the more I HAD to look . I was correct...it did NOT fit on the day we had agreed something had happened on. BUT...it fit on the next day...mystery solved . So...I still consider this a SUCCESS!!!

You CAN survive infidelity...ALL of us that are still here on this site have done it . I'm here to say you can also THRIVE despite it !!! BOTH spouses have to be ALL IN for R to happen...but when it happens...it is MAGICAL .

Stinger posted 7/20/2020 18:45 PM

I could not eat that sandwich.

Want2BHappyAgain posted 7/20/2020 19:39 PM

Stinger...it's all about perspective. I didn't eat a shit sandwich...but I DID show mercy . I did it with the thought that I COULD get hurt again...but I also KNEW that even if I did...I could walk away knowing I had TRIED.

In my 1st M...it didn't work out...and I caught my XWH with another adultery co-conspirator almost 2 years later. In THIS M...it did .

I don't regret AT ALL that I went for D in my 1st M...and that I went for R in my 2nd .

78monte posted 7/20/2020 20:29 PM

Glad to hear a positive outcome. I hope one day I will be able to post a positive story, such as yours.

fareast posted 7/20/2020 20:59 PM

Thanks for the positive update. Keep on, keeping on. And you are so right, it is all about perspective.

psychmom posted 7/20/2020 22:16 PM

W2BHA, your positivity and optimism have kept me going numerous times over the past 5+ years. 🥰. There really are positive R stories! Thank you for all you do to give hope and perspective to those still struggling to find their way out of infidelity. And for the reminder that we can actually thrive at the end of this, even with the FWS who brought us here in the first place. Without these stories, many may not believe it!

Want2BHappyAgain posted 7/21/2020 12:39 PM

78monte...I look forward to reading your positive story . There weren't as many POSITIVE stories on this site as I would have thought there would be when I first joined. As I have healed though...I have come to realize why . When I got OUT of infidelity...I didn't feel "connected" to this site anymore if that makes sense. There is so much MORE to the tapestry of our M than this black thread! As we add more colorful threads...this black thread gets smaller and smaller in the grand masterpiece !

fareast...you are very welcome! I don't do it as often as I used to...but I do want to let people know that life CAN be GOOD again !!! Perspective can sure play a HUGE part in our healing doesn't it?!

psychmom...YOU have helped ME so much during this journey too !!! We have seen...and written...our share of POSITIVE R stories throughout these years . I can honestly say that on Dday I NEVER thought I would be in this place of PEACE like I am now. It is a pretty good feeling isn't it...to be on the OTHER side?!

thatbpguy posted 7/21/2020 15:28 PM

Always heartwarming to see a good R.

Want2BHappyAgain posted 7/22/2020 11:13 AM

thatbpguy...reading the positive stories on here really gave me hope in some of my darkest days . I hope my stories will bring some hope to the newly traumatized people who find themselves here.

Having a BETTER M despite infidelity CAN happen! I can't stress enough though that BOTH spouses have to be ALL IN before true R can start.

MrCleanSlate posted 7/22/2020 11:46 AM


Always good to see success stories.

We are getting close to 5 years out.

A few months back my BW said 'in some respects that the A forced us to deal with things and that she can see I am a much better person today, and that our M is stronger now.

It does take both parties to want it.

Marie2792 posted 7/22/2020 18:25 PM

You are the biggest cheerleader here and absolutely one of my favorite posters. Iím coming up on my 6th year end also. Itís amazing that I am forgetting things too which I like. Of some the things that folks told me here these are the truest:

1. It does take 2-5 years to heal.
2. One day it wonít hurt as bad I promise.
3. Reconciliation is hard work.

Congratulations to you and your Mister for doing the hard work and recovering your marriage.

Want2BHappyAgain posted 7/23/2020 11:39 AM

MrCleanSlate...I liked reading the positive stories...and the fun banter going back and forth from people solidly in R when I first joined. There isn't as much of that on here now...but there is a bright spot every now and then .

I will NEVER say that my H's A is what made our M stronger. I believe your wife feels like me . The A was a symptom of something broken in my H. He never saw it before...and he abhorred cheaters. He then tried to justify being a part of that club . What changed for US was when my H started reading his Bible . He was trying to justify that what HE did wasn't adultery...because he felt that his A was condoned by God . Not only did he find out that adultery is NOT condoned by God...some of his other traits...pride and selfishness...were not either. Once my H changed his prideful and selfish ways...his justifications went away too . It looks like she has seen this change in you as well. That is AWESOME !!

Marie2792...I don't know how I would have healed this quickly without people like YOU helping me out. I am forever in your DEBT my DEAR friend !!! Those 3 points you have...I would have never thought they would be correct...yet here we are LIVING them !!! I remember that 2-5 year timeline seemed like SO LONG...but in the grand scheme of things...it really was needed in order to HEAL .

NeverTwice posted 7/23/2020 11:54 AM

This is so beautiful. I am so happy for both of you!!! And I admire your strength, resolve and commitment to your marriage.

Lalagirl posted 7/23/2020 12:31 PM

This is good stuff, W2BHA...thank you for sharing, and thank you for being such a positive presence on SI. (((HUGS)))

sunwillshine posted 7/23/2020 13:25 PM

So glad to see the healing continues! Especially want to reiterate it takes both partners to be all in and M is better not because of the infedelity, but because of the recovery and hard work.
Thank you W2bha!

WalkinOnEggshelz posted 7/23/2020 13:39 PM

Stinger, just a reminder of forum guidelines

Please post respectfully and constructively keeping in mind the goal for this forum is to reconcile.

Want2BHappyAgain posted 7/24/2020 16:13 PM

NeverTwice...thank you so much for your kind words !!!

Lalagirl...thank you also for your kind words!!! I also very much appreciate you staying on here and giving your own POSITIVE stories as well as sage advice .

sunwillshine...I always LOVE to see your username...it makes me smile . Thank YOU for being a positive voice on this site as well!!!

dancin-gal posted 7/24/2020 18:45 PM

Thank you for the positive message !!!! I know you didnít have an easy journey but results today are Heartwarming . as we struggle it is always great to hear that people get to the other side and can be happy .😊 now the good thing is you can forget your DDay date and focus on happy memories!!

Want2BHappyAgain posted 7/25/2020 02:36 AM

dancin-gal...when we make it to the other side...it is all worth it . I have the M I always dreamed of with a husband who is making it his life's mission to give me my "happily ever after"...and I am doing the same for him .

ISurvivedSoFar posted 7/25/2020 22:30 PM

Yes W2BHA so glad to hear all things great with you and the Mr. I'm so happy for you and have benefited so greatly from your optimism. Thank you for your presence and your willingness to give back to all of us!

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