jaberwacky,
I am not sure where to start. I hope that you really don't mind the frank advice that I am going to give you because you most definitely need it. I also hope for your BW's sake that you stick around, especially when the advice seems harsh and it is not what you want to hear because that can be the most valuable.
First off, I suggest that you take a good hard look at your BW. She is the woman who is the mother of your son. She is the one who loves you and her family so much that she goes against her beliefs and offers you the gift of R. She is beautiful, intelligent, kind and loving. She works hard, takes care of your son, your home and even you.
Now look at your son, a gift from God himself. He worships you and his love is unconditional, all because you are his daddy. He believes that you are the strongest and bravest daddy that exists. When he is scared, he runs to you to make the scary monsters go away. He believes in you. He thinks that his daddy is perfect.
Are you seriously going to tell me that you are going to just walk away from the both of them for some fun? Really?
Ok, let's move on. Picture your 23 AP working full time, taking care of a 2 year old, a house and everything else that goes with that. Do you think she can handle it? How much fun do you think she is going to be when real life happens? How is she checking them boxes now? Next.
Now picture your BW married to a man who truly loves her, cherishes her, appreciates how hard she works to take care of her family. Can you see your son running up to him because he scared and trusting him to make the scary monsters go away because it was more important for his real daddy to go have fun than to be there for him. That man will thank God every single day that you walked away so he could have this amazing family. He will appreciate what you don't.
You are not 20 anymore. That boat has sailed and no amount of fun is going to bring it back. You may have the maturity of a 20 year old but you are a grown ass, 33 year old man, with responsibilities and you need to grow the hell up.
Also, just a FYI. I asked all my young, 19 to 24 year old nieces and I have a lot of them, what they would think about a 33, 34 year old man wanting to be with them, have fun as a way to relive his early 20's again. They said and I quote "you mean like to go out with? It would be kind of weird and creepy. Is he some kind of dirty old man? Doesn't he have friends his own age? Does he have money in his wallet or how about a black American express card. Lol. Wouldn't it be like hanging out with our older brother? As far as sleeping with him? No way, it would be like sleeping with someone my dad's age. One said that she would consider it if you looked like Shemar Moore and he's really old, like 40 some."
Real love and real life are not always easy and pretty. They are hard work and it takes a strong person to understand that, like your BW does.
If you want fun in your life, to laugh more, have exciting sex, then what is stopping you from making it happen with your BW? Don't you think that your BW would love the same thing? Have you ever tried or given her the chance?
You really need to be completely honest with your BW, right now. She deserves to know the truth about absolutely everything, so she can make decisions about her own life. You do not have the right to make them for her.
What you do from here on out is going to define what kind of man you really are. So, what kind of man are you?