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Significant update & advice needed please

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Tallgirl posted 6/6/2019 20:11 PM


Clearly she is a special sort of woman who can’t think of her own nickname. I hope you can see that she is garbage and that they deserve each other.- and this is a cruel act. She wants you to be upset.

The AP my WH picked was actually a part time prostitute. My nick name for her is whore bitch or bitch whore. Both have a nice ring.

She is outstandingly cruel. Not even a streak - she is the whole cruella deal. Here are some samples of what she did.

She threatened to go to the police because my idiot WH had some of her furniture in the apartment he had that I didn’t know about. It was such Total bull. I am by no means stupid. She is by all means horrid.

She is Facebook savvy. She posted 100s of Facebook pictures of the loving couple - my husband and her. Then made sure I could see them all. She posted all kinds of loving messages about their love even after the final split.

She somehow got her Facebook page to wave at me and say bitch whore wants to say Hi Tallgirl.

Pretty sure she broke into my Facebook account.

I have recordings of her telling WH how I would get over him leaving me and how they needed the money from the house aka my money for their future.

She talked about how my kids would get over the divorce.

She tormented my WHbecause he didn’t leave me. And I mean torment. She utterly abused him. I have never heard anything like it.

She would post pictures on F B that were from near my house to try to make make me panic. She downloaded them from the web.

if this woman steals a nickname she clearly has No ability to think of one herself. And yah, it is a dig. It is intended to hurt. Hopefully you can get to the point where it rolls off. I know the nickname was special. You are strong. It will find its place and become part of the story. I am sorry she hurt you.

I got to the point that I used to simply laugh at her antics.

So if you would like to share my name for the bitch whore or whore bitch please do. It is somewhat satisfying. Promise.

[This message edited by Tallgirl at 4:00 AM, June 7th (Friday)]

deephurt posted 6/6/2019 22:22 PM

I’m sorry you took offense to my post. I meant no disrespect at all and wasn’t saying you did anything wrong. I was only giving my opinion as I felt I read it. As we do here in si. No I don’t know your back story very well and I don’t have the time to read everyone’s full back story when I post but I also don’t think it would have changed my opinion. I do my best to give my opinion when I can. Clearly you didn’t like my opinion. The thoughts on si are that if something hits on a nerve that much maybe look at it closer.

Regardless I apologize if I offended you it was not my intention. I read this entire thread and your last one before I posted was a very long read about the ap and what she did. I felt your best course of action was to ignore them and their lives entirely but if I’m wrong feel free to take what you want and leave the rest and we also say here on Si. I didn’t say you weren’t already doing most of the things I mentioned.

I also felt I was being supportive. I’m sorry you didn’t take it that way.

I will defer in the future from passing in my opinion on any of your posts if that is what you prefer.

You became quite offended by my post which very much surprised me.

[This message edited by deephurt at 11:09 PM, June 6th (Thursday)]

Lalagirl posted 6/7/2019 06:42 AM


They say imitation is the best form of flattery (not saying you should feel flattered!)...what I am saying is OW can't even think of something original to call your STBX.

I think she read the e-mails and she's livid because he was using kind words in his communications to you, hence her FB post...IMO it was directed at your STBX as a dig, not you. This is why he deactivated his FB account again.

I do agree with the poster who suggested that you tell your friend while you appreciate the heads-up, you'd rather not see stuff like this in the future. It really serves you no purpose.


brokendreamer posted 6/7/2019 09:34 AM

Hi Deeplyhurt

Thanks for your reply, sorry if I came across as offended, I was more frustrated as I have tried so hard to stay NC and to be honest I was still raw from that post and annoyed with myself for slipping up by using his nickname in the email. You sure did not cause me any offence and am genuinely apologetic if I gave that impression. I am very grateful that you took the time to reply to me. Hugs :)

Tallgirl - You do make me laugh, oh she is certainly 'special' thats for sure
Miraculously that post has disappeared, so I am now convinced that she went through his emails and was having a dig at either him, me or both (probably after a few drinks) Probably her way of letting him know she had seen the emails, and taking the p**s out of the fact we had a nickname. Trust me, it will not have gone down well with him, so she just shot herself in the foot. I think he was already on the verge of leaving her judging by his recent behaviour and according to something son said last week, so it may just backfire in her ratty face.

Anyway, I feel much better today, I was just so mad yesterday at he vicious, cruel attempt to hurt and humiliate me. She sure is brave from 400 miles away lol! He has sent 3 emails in past 12 hours, I still have him blocked so do not know what they say, only the notifications that 3 from him have been blocked. I just feel better knowing that, she has not commandeered the name, but was indeed having a nasty dig. She sure is a nasty piece of work, but it sounds like you have experience yourself with a vicious OW!

LaLa, I too agree and I have reiterated to the friend who told me that I am grateful for her trying to help, but it just invokes negative feelings in me.

Ex and her made their bed, so now they can lie in it and leave me out of their issues. I was taken aback yesterday and definitely hurt/annoyed/pi**ed off, she managed to achieve the desired reaction and I felt humiliated. Those feelings have now subsided and have only served to confirm what a mentally unstable, psycho that she is. I have learned from it and blocked that hole, that is all I can do, so onward an upward.

Thanks everyone for your kindness, support and the words of wisdom, I appreciate it so much.
Sending out a group hug
BD x

brokendreamer posted 6/8/2019 13:52 PM

Ok I have a confession, be kind please lol, as I am punishing myself enough and am thoroughly ashamed.

As you know I was devastated by that bitch playing her little psycho games with the personal nickname. I am not sure why it has affected me so badly, but it has. I have fluctuated between total rage, to crying, hating, feeling vulnerable again etc.

I am guilty of looking at her page regularly over the past 2 days, I vowed not to but I cannot seem to help it. I am fixated with that post and I hate myself for it. She has removed it and re added it several times and ex reinstated his FB yesterday. I think what I am watching for is him to 'like' that post, which for me would be a complete deal breaker in terms of me even having contact with him re son.
If he 'likes' it, then it also tells me that he is prepared to allow her to totally abuse me and that he has ZERO respect for me at all, despite his emails about what an amazing mum I am. To me that would signify that he is condoning her vicious, sly, nasty behaviour towards me and I will NOT even be civil anymore re son regardless of any emergency. It tells me that he is not genuine about being united in sons best interests and nor is he going to sign those papers, that once again I have been sucked into whatever game they are playing.

You do not need to tell me to stop looking etc etc, I know that only too well, that is why I am beating up on myself right now, I cannot feel any worse, weak or pathetic. This not about him, this is about her smug, nasty dig at me. Leave him out of it, who TF does she think she is?? My wounds were all but healed and she has just taken a knife and stabbed it in my heart, then twisted it and laughed. I am raging and not dealing with it well. It is bringing up memories of childhood abuse, laughing at my pain. I am crying so hard writing this, I am full on triggered and experiencing a range of negative emotions.
I feel helpless to defend myself, I wish I could unsee it. My own stupid damn fault for looking, I brought this on myself and enabled her to deliver a final, but cruel blow. She is grinning away in the photo and I swear if could get my hands on her, I would wipe that smug grin right off her nasty, evil face.
I also blame him for allowing her to humiliate and hurt me like this, he may not have 'liked' the post YET, but he has obviously not objected.
He has sent just 2 emails today, both blocked, just notifications.
I am trying so hard not to think about it, but it affected me enough to give me a major night terror last night.

I desperately want to stop looking, but in all honesty I am waiting for his 'like' because if that comes then as I said before, it is going to have lifelong repercussions. That will be my breaking point and the only person who is going to suffer long term is our son. I know in my heart and 100%, that will be the end of ANY contact with him ever. I only allowed him to contact me a week ago out of neccessity for our sons wellbeing, he then bombarded me, not the other way round. He said he appreciated me being civil re son and that he was happy to have some connection with me in the name of us both being loving parents. I have been so optimistic that in light of this, he is going to sign the divorce papers. But I am starting to feel like I have just been taken for a complete ride again. My head is all over the place and I am hurting.

I know I am stupid, I know I should not have looked, I know I should not have trusted him, but I am human and I made a huge mistake. I had already blocked him, but had this overwhelming urge to go look if he had condoned her post. I promised myself last night that I would not look again, but I itched and itched all day until I could not resist a peek, finding every excuse to justify it in my own mind. As I write, he is back on FB but has not 'liked' it though he has commented on her post below 3 days ago, with funny emotes and flattering comments.

Why TF then is he messaging me? PLan B? this does not sound like a man who is planning to leave her anytime soon. Probably just trying to keep his options open incase he ever does. Well I am aware of that and hence why I have blocked him. What I want an answer to is why she has used that nickname and why she has removed it twice and reinstated, why anyone with even an ounce of heart would allow that. Does she want my blood too?

I am so down and cried so much the past 2 days, I really need to understand this situation. Not just 'block, don't look' etc, I need to understand why. Surely he would not tell her that name and encourage her to use it?

I am having a real bad time with this, it has set me back enormously. Thank you for reading and for any constructive advice.
BD x

Odonna posted 6/8/2019 15:27 PM


Knowledge is power, so do not beat yourself up that you want to know the truth about how she learned that nickname. And if it is half as cute and endearing as “little blue egg” then I completely get how that was your “brand” on him and your M. If he had a role in sullying that, you deserve to know.

So I completely understand waiting to see whether WH “likes” that comment. I also get having to check frequently, as “likes” can be reversed. Is there someone you know and trust IRL who can do the checking for you? That way you can make sure you get this important truth but you do not have to tie yourself up in knots.

Meanwhile, it takes a lot of strength to post here as you just did, and let all the pain and vulnerability show. We all see what you have been through and what this is doing to you. I admire you, as I know we all do.

[This message edited by Odonna at 3:30 PM, June 8th (Saturday)]

brokendreamer posted 6/8/2019 15:59 PM

Thank you Odonna, your words are so kind in light of me behaving like an idiot.
I thought long and hard over the past hour and so I messaged him. I basically told him that he can forget even contacting me in an emergency, that I will have nothing to do with him whilst he comes as a package. I said 'you told me that you wanted us to be united re son and despite everything, I have agreed'

The I let rip, I told him that I am no fool, that I tried to be reasonable and set aside our differences for son. But I then went on to say, 'I do not appreciate your partner having digs. I said, you may not be able to control the witch, but I will. Don't ever contact me again until such time you are willing to respect me. Your fiancee is a nasty, manipulative cow who has complete control of you. Good luck with that, I want no involvement. Do NOT message me again, I am done.

The bitch pants have been firmly pulled up. I am still sad and crying, but I stood my ground. Let him take that! On a positive note I am finding it hard to type as my pussy cat is licking the tears off my face and rubbing her face in my neck. God love our animals, they sense so much.

Night all and thank you
BD x

josiep posted 6/8/2019 16:15 PM

I know you're feeling absolutely drained right now but there is an upside to this: feeling these emotions and going through this is conducive to your healing. You didn't stuff your feelings or deny them, you let them hit you and go through you. You cried, you reached out to your army of friends, you felt terrible, you took action in a firm, civil and non-threatening manner.

I do believe you've got this from here on out. I plan on becoming the Queen of the Universe but I could see myself having you as my Lady in Waiting to take over when my reign is over. :)

brokendreamer posted 6/9/2019 13:05 PM

Lol thanks Josie, you're a sweetheart

We I do feel a bit better as last night I let him have it! there was another blocked email and that combined with the bitch's antics, I had had enough. So I replied to his email, told him a disrespectful, pussy whipped, selfish little man he is. I said 'I have no need to have even been civil to you, but I was for our sons sake. You repay my efforts by condoning the despicable attempts by your fiancee, to further try and hurt/humiliate me. The pair of you deserve each other, but do not contact me again, I am not interested in hearing from you, or having any communication, even for son. You burned that bridge! From now on contact our son directly and concentrate on your husband stabbing psycho, I pity you.

I immediately received a reply stating 'BD I have not disrespected you and ........I AM NOT ENGAGED!!!!!!! I told OW that we are united for son (that explains why she began with her snide, nasty posts I guess) I mailed straight back and said , I do not care one bit about you, her or whether you live in a shoe with a dozen kids. All I want is those papers signed, they will be delivered to your parents over the next couple of days. Sign them and do not darken my doorstep again. I am now blocking you and do not want to hear from you again via any means.
I hope I have made myself perfectly clear, now goodbye and have a nice life!

I needed to do that, it was festering inside me and I have been nothing but stressed since the emails from him started a week ago. I realised that nothing good is going to come from me having ANY contact with him, only hurt and stress. I have blocked him from every device and email and I have told son in no uncertain terms that he is not to mention his father again in front of me, or take phonecalls from him whilst in my house, finally he is not to pass on any messages or discuss any aspect of my life with his dad.

I feel a sense of relief, even though I am still so hurt and angry over the nickname, simply because she intended to hurt me and succeeded yet again. Hopefully that is the last I will hear from him, I will drop off the papers, but am not expecting him to sign them and have resigned myself to having to pay for them to be served. Either way they are getting sorted next week so I can finally get closure and be done with the pair of them. For the first time in 14 months, he just got a harsh reminder of the strong woman he married.

May they get stuck together like a pair of rutting dogs!

Thank you everybody for your support and great words of advice this past week BD x

Lalagirl posted 6/10/2019 06:18 AM

Well your weekend sucked big donkey butt! (((HUGS))) I'm so sorry, but glad you were able to get through this hurdle. Believe it or not, this bullshit helped strengthen your NC resolve.

I kinda get a little chuckle that OW is feeling a insecure about STBXH having contact with you. She knows full well what he's up to. Too bad, so sad.

You have been through a lot of trauma in such a short time. You need to do something for YOU today/this week - a spa day with your girlfriends (or solo), something relaxing to get you back to good. While you're out and about, turn off your phone and just BE. Recharge your emotional batteries.

Sending strength & huge hugs!


brokendreamer posted 6/10/2019 09:41 AM

LaLa laughing at 'sucking big donkey butt' it sure did, I also had a long term client who became a good fried die this weekend, so all in all definitely donkey butt.

I have held my resolve though and not even checked my blocked notifications, I must admit I amd feeling less stressed. Yes, the only sad thing is that rat face achieved her goal of sticking a spanner in any chance of us bing civil and united for son, she must be thoroughly pleased with herself and even more smug than usual, if that is possible. That is his problem though, if he cannot put that dog on a leash even for his own son, then I pity what he has become.

Hope you had a lovely weekend

Lalagirl posted 6/10/2019 13:23 PM

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend.

he cannot put that dog on a leash
<singing, "Who Let the Dogs Out">

Brokendreamer, please don't insult the dog community!

Sounds like Rainbowskittle Unicorn Fartland is closed for the season for STBX and OW. I cannot seem to find my tiny violin to play songs 'o sympathy for them...

Seriously though, BD, I'm proud of you!

brokendreamer posted 6/10/2019 14:28 PM

Thank you sweetheart, I just put that song on youtube and am laughing!

Lol yeah she obvs thinks she is a proper clever little hound, I bet she knows nothing of the 56 emails in 3 days or all the complimentary comments! Suck that up buttercup! Thinks she has one up and she has in terms of taking a direct hit at me. But in the greater scheme of things, I don't think all those emails constitute a simple 'united for our son' intention. especially when combined with the comment to son ' I think I might just dump rat face and move back home'

But I will save that little piece of information for when the time is right. Little Miss bitch face thinks she has it all under control, when in fact she knows nothing regarding his recent endeavours and intentions. As they say 'the best things come to those who wait' 'revenge is a dish best served cold' and 'she who laughs last....'

Just sitting here demurely filing my nails again, eating sushi and simply waiting, biding my time. I get the impression that I need do nothing, she is hanging herself without me passing her the rope! Sings along to who let the dogs out and 'Instant karma' by John Lennon, great vocals
Hugs girl, thank you
BD x

brokendreamer posted 6/10/2019 14:42 PM

Ok update

I just received a text message from a name/number I did not recognise. So I opened it as I was concerned that son was ok due to him being away for the weekend. I thought it might have been from one of his friends.
Alas no, yet again it is from stbxh!! he sure is using every avenue to get through and I initially thought about ringing police, but hey I am not petty like them, I have simply blocked this number too.

It says words to the affect of, 'i am only talking to you about son, we were getting on and it was doing son the world of good, there were marked improvements in his behviour. We should not allow any outside influences to affect our love for our son and I totally disagree with 'OW' sending you that message, trust me I have told her so' He then ended with can you let me know how he is.

As I said I have ignored and blocked it, but at least he knows now what she has done and says he has addressed it, though I am not sure I believe that at least in any firm way.

So little Miss rat face may have just shot herself in the foot and knowing my ex, he is not going to take too kindly to her attempts at sabotaging what he considers us being united for son. I am not responding come hell or high water.

Please help here, i thought this was over, but seemingly not. He is finding ways to contact me and swears it is only for son. I am so confused, son was benefitting, but I cannot do this united thing for my own sanity. Can someone please slap me hard or tell me what is going on.
BD x

Beachwalker posted 6/10/2019 15:30 PM

BD: Stay the course! You have set a plan and it is doing what it was designed to do. The pigs are squealing because they have been stuck. Follow this D to the end. NC all the way. Keep your word. Steady on! Don’t let his big wind blow you off course – that’s what he is trying to do. He had HIS plan carried out with the OW and they had a “great time”. Now, it’s time for YOUR plan in response to be played out in full. If he truly wants you, after the D is final, he can get help, dump the OW, show how he is sincere, and all of this to your standards and satisfaction.

You’re in the driver’s seat (where you belong) and he doesn’t like it!! DON’T MOVE AN INCH!!!

NoOptTo posted 6/10/2019 15:39 PM

You do not need to be a United front when it comes to your son. You have seen for your self how he has changed from the beginning of your WH A to now. Your WH just wants to weasel in and assert control. He is on the outside looking in knowing all he can do is try and throw a life line to you for help. That life line was burned by his AP. Now he has to deal with son all by himself. You continue to be the best mom you can be. Guide your son to make good decisions. Show him respect. Most of all continue showing him love. Let your WH try to make ammends in his own way with your son. I doubt he will be able to.

Beachwalker posted 6/10/2019 15:55 PM

BD: Listen to NoOptTo. Your WH is using your son when he talks about “being united”. WH was too busy “being united” with OW, so this is more of his “big wind” trying to blow you in the direction HE wants you to go. He is still trying to manipulate you and the longer you hold firm, the louder the pig squeals.

Your son seems to have made up his opinion about his dad. Your son doesn’t need any “united front” to help him. Again, “being united” = big wind!

ShutterHappy posted 6/10/2019 16:09 PM

You could file a restraining order.

You don’t need any of this in your life...

You could find a new BF

Lalagirl posted 6/11/2019 06:02 AM

I think I might just dump rat face and move back home

Oh really?

Sounds like he's trying to lay groundwork. Don't be the ground. He wants to dump rat face...fine, but please, BD, don't let him come home. Don't let him have a soft place to land.

The very fact that he's using your son as a conduit to get to you makes me sick.

Keep blocking, don't engage. If he tries to come round in person, then you have a different sitch on your hands and you may have to go legal. He sounds like he's desperate and coming unhinged.

brokendreamer posted 6/11/2019 11:39 AM

You guys really are the best! absolute sound advice and still manage to make me laugh a little!

I have anchored myself down as the 'big wind' blows. I keep battening down the hatches and slamming every porthole shut. There was a blocked email last night just before midnight and 3 more this morning. I have simply deleted the notifications and will continue to do the same with any future ones.

I did not ever imagine that I would be having to fend off his emails down the line. So it did throw me a bit last week and I was unsure how to proceed. Thankfully I have my wonderful, wise friends here who have once again guided me through. Whatever game he is trying to play, I sure am not taking part.

As for getting a boyfriend my self esteem is still in tatters and I know that I am not yet ready to meet anyone else, I am healing but some bruising remains. I would like to get the divorce through and finalised, that closure is important to me, work on me a little more and then maybe I will blow the cobwebs off the little black dress :)

Group hug, hope everyone is well x

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