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Emotionalhell posted 5/21/2019 05:42 AM

How long has it been since your first dday? Do you remember the details as well as you thought you would? For those that are still with the WW is your relationship still suffering?
I don’t remember details as well as I thought I would. I still occasionally see the AP and have setbacks due to flashbacks but I don’t remember small details like I thought I would. I still have my journal writings and read them occasionally. Thankfully my emotions aren’t as intense. But the betrayal definitely effected my relationship with ppl in general. I have accepted the new me. Not as outgoing and I still question ppl. Not taking them for what they say the are

cocoplus5nuts posted 5/21/2019 07:11 AM

My 1st dday was in June, 2014. I remember it perfectly. I don't remember a lot of the next 6 months or so.

We are reconciled now.

Thissucks5678 posted 5/21/2019 07:30 AM

Mine will be three years in June. I remember everything about it. The months after are hazy.

I consider us reconciled. It took my WH time to grow. Changing your core personality is hard. We are still in MC, although we go once a month now. My healing is going pretty well. It helps when my WH acknowledges triggers before I have to.

Marie2792 posted 5/21/2019 07:45 AM

My first dday was April 27, 2006. We rugswept in the middle of a family crisis unrelated. He confessed and it had bee two one night stands years prior.

My most traumatic dday though was September 10, 2014. I remember it clearly and all of the events that unfolded after it. Coming up on five years and while it no longer makes me cry, I am sad recalling it.

JSS1227 posted 5/21/2019 08:13 AM

It’s only been 5 months for me. I remember everything about DDay, but remember almost nothing about the month after. Despite IC, MC, and a mostly remorseful WH (he’s doing a lot right, but still needs serious work on selfishness, empathy, and defensiveness), I still have bad triggers every day, don’t sleep well, etc. I’ve come a long way, but still get very sad and very angry pretty quickly. We’re in limbo; I’m basically watching and waiting with the D papers in my hand. Sometimes I’ll suggest things he should do or tell him what I need, but I really wish he’d just do it on his own, it doesn’t mean much if I’m the one that brings it up or suggests it, KWIM? I don’t want to be feeding him answers or giving him a checklist...I feel worse when I realize that’s what’s happening sometimes. So yes, relationship is still suffering, and on life support at this point. Sad, considering we both say we were very happy in the M prior to the A

Lemondrop10 posted 5/21/2019 08:19 AM

First one was February of 2005. I still remember the details clearly just like all of the rest of the ones that followed. I believe I could have healed from that one affair but there’s been too many now after to get over. I’m currently in IC and making my escape plan.

northeasternarea posted 5/21/2019 08:29 AM

December 2012. Yes, I remember the details.

[This message edited by northeasternarea at 8:29 AM, May 21st (Tuesday)]

OneInTheSame posted 5/21/2019 08:30 AM

D-day October 4, 2015. We are in our fourth affair season, and I wish that I could say much more progress has been made since then.

I still have to ask for hugs when I trigger.

Want2BHappyAgain posted 5/21/2019 09:08 AM

My very first DDay was November 16, 1982. My second one was May 25, 1984. I remember them still...even though I divorced that H.

THIS time around in my 2nd M...my 1st DDay was August 30, 2006...although at the time I didn't realize it was a DDay . I was not happy in my M...and I told my H I was going to be divorcing him as soon as I got my degree in a year. My H decided that since I had made up my mind to leave...instead of trying to save the M...he started talking to women online . He planned to meet up with one on that day...but wasn't able to go through with it. He confessed.

The DDay that sent me here was July 19, 2014 . I thought we had worked our way through the issues from 8 years earlier...but some of the situations we changed actually led to my H feeling even more selfish and entitled than ever before.

I remember the first hour of DDay very clearly. After that...it is a blur. Neither of us can remember for sure if we even had sex that night...although logically I believe we did. I just remember the SHOCK of when he confessed. He didn't even have the courage to say it. He told me he had met someone...and her name was Lily. I asked him what they had done. He just said one word...very quietly..."Everything". When I asked if they had sex...he nodded his head sheepishly. My love for him...respect...honor...and everything else that a wife feels for her husband was GONE in that instant. I was actually holding him...and I let go of him as soon as he said "Everything". It was like I couldn't even touch him...he was a stranger to me at that point.

We are in A season right now...and 5 years ago tomorrow is when Lily told my H...a man she only met 3 times...that she would have sex with him at his hotel. Last year I made myself NOT look at any of the "evidence"...such as the calendars I made...the phone records...emails...texts...google timeline...etc. This year...I have NO desire to look at them...and I think this is progress .

I found...from the AWESOME people on this site...as well as doing research about infidelity that I had never done up until that point...that I have changed also...for the better . Stuff from my 1st M...that I didn't even realize I hadn't healed from...I was forcing myself to face. I went through the HELL that infidelity puts us in...and I bitch slapped that devil!!!

I am now very HAPPILY OUT of infidelity...and it is truly in the PAST!!! I look back every now and then...to see how far I've come...and SMILE . Ask me tomorrow...and I may say something different though.

Cheatee posted 5/21/2019 09:38 AM

First DDay was January of 2015.

Reconciliation ended on January of 2016

Separation began on January of 2016

Divorce was finalized June of 2017

Healing is ongoing.

Chaos posted 5/21/2019 09:38 AM

I'll never forget. DDay1 Summer 2017.

I can tell you what I was wearing. I can tell you time of day to the minute. I can still see the look on my teen daughter's face when she told me. I can still hear my adult child's voice on my teenager's phone telling her it would be OK.

I can do the same thing for DDays 2 End of Summer 2018 and 3 Fall of 2018.

I remember watching all the color drain from WH face and him actually sway when I informed him that he wasn't APs 1st. There were others. During the time he was with her. I watched the color drain inch by inch like in an old time cartoon. I can see it now as I type.

So many minute details of those days. I remember them all.

The days/weeks after them are a blur.

(ETA - Dates for DDays 2/3)

[This message edited by Chaos at 2:08 PM, May 21st (Tuesday)]

WornDown posted 5/21/2019 09:57 AM

November 21, 2008

sunwillshine posted 5/21/2019 10:02 AM

February 12, 2015. I remember almost every detail.
Tons of therapy including inpatient treatment.
I have a remouseful h and he works really hard to be the h he should have always been.
We have a wonderful relationship, today.

ThatGuy728 posted 5/21/2019 10:08 AM

Which one would be the DDay? The day I found out something might be going on and questioned her and got a bunch of lies how he’s just a friend and I wanted to believe her but this was the start of a month and a half of the worst days of my life? Or when I found out for 100% certain that my wife was sleeping with a Dr at her hospital and immediately filed for divorced?

If it’s the former - November 17, 2015
If it’s the latter - January 10, 2016

JimmyB posted 5/21/2019 10:18 AM

I don't recall the date but it was around the first part of August, 1988. I remember her exact words, I had just moved her and my 2 young daughters to Florida, I had to leave them behind in Ohio for 3 months for our house to sell while I was starting a new job. A job that she found for me, in Florida, where she had convinced me to move, so we could have a fresh start to work on our marriage. She sat beside me on the couch in my sister and brother in law's house where we were staying, she said, "I'm pregnant", I already had suspicions so I asked her who's it was and she said, "I don't know".

She has had 2 (that I am aware of)additional PA's with that OM and an EA with her HS boyfriend since. I found out about all of them on January 30, 2013, DDay #2.

crazyblindsided posted 5/21/2019 10:51 AM

I remember my D-Days perfectly. The time I don't remember was my second D-Day and the whole year after that was a blur. I had a mental breakdown and was hospitalized for a week.

My M is meh not suffering. I've managed to pull myself out of the muck. My WS is a lost cause though.

sassylee posted 5/21/2019 12:32 PM

My first dday was at the end of the first week of July, 2012. I remember it all quite clearly.

deephurt posted 5/21/2019 18:24 PM

5 years and one month. I remember quite a bit. I also forget quite a bit. When I read some of the things I wrote, I can hear the pain and the rage that I felt at that time.

I vividly remember the feeling when he blurted it “okay I had an affair”. It felt like the ground below me disappeared and I was drowning. It felt like I had been punched in the chest and then gut. I felt nauseas. I immediately changed.

I also remember vividly when I first woke up the next day and all the feelings came rushing back but it took a couple of seconds for it to feel real again. I guess I had hoped it was a nightmare. When it all came flooding back it felt like a lunch again.

Phoenix1 posted 5/21/2019 18:44 PM

First Dday was right before Mother's Day in 2009 so ten years now. Remember it all very well, but I care not. Ancient history and simply a sad chapter of my life.

Ironically, I just returned from a trip that also included my oldest DD and her BFF. That BFF is the DD of the OW in that first Dday. But I've known the BFF since she was five years old (girls met in pre-K), and I don't judge her for her mother's abominable actions. The only boundary for me is that she (OW) is never to be discussed in my presence. The girls honored that this trip and we had a great time.

Oftencheatedon posted 5/21/2019 19:51 PM

My first D day was almost 50 years ago. That ended in divorce. I had several relationships that ended because of infidelity in the next decade.

Then I basically only casually dated for the next 25 years. I was so scarred that I just could not commit to a relationship.

Then I met my now husband. He’s not a cheater. It took awhile for me to agree to marry him - but it’s one of the best decisions I ever made.

TBH - I remember very little about past D days.