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Are WW's just good people who do bad things?

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SisterMilkshake posted 5/15/2019 18:43 PM

@Darkness Falls

but itís not just limited to having cheated
I wasn't referring to that. You and I have been here a long time. I have read thousands of your posts. I know your struggle. But this is what makes you a good person:
I donít think of others first. I find it difficult to empathize in certain situations. Doing the right thing doesnít come naturally to me in some ways; I have to constantly check myself and work at it.
Because you acknowledge that you have areas that you constantly need to be aware of and work on it. People who are not "good" don't acknowledge their faults and work on changing them or weigh how their actions can impact others. You do even if it doesn't come naturally and even if you don't actually feel empathy. ((((Darkness Falls)))) You are way too hard on yourself.

Darkness Falls posted 5/15/2019 19:23 PM

SMS,

You are by far not the first person to make that observation (about being too hard on myself). Thank you for your words of encouragement.

BeingheldbyJesus posted 5/16/2019 14:32 PM

Good people do not betray people. They don't lie over and over and lead two lives.

I thought I married a good person but I know differently now and I see he cannot change.

Cheatee posted 5/16/2019 15:17 PM

My XWW is a good person who did a bad thing. And another bad thing. And bad thing after bad thing. She spent months doing bad things, blaming others for her bad things, insisting she was not a bad person, but a good person doing many, many, many bad things and destroying her family, nearly driving her own daughter to suicide and wrecking a 23 year old relationship that, by her own admission, was a good one.

We define ourselves by our intentions. Others define us by our behaviors.

A good person? If you say so.

FamilyMan75 posted 5/16/2019 15:34 PM

My wife did a lot of bad things, but she isn't a bad person.

SisterMilkshake posted 5/16/2019 16:53 PM

^^^This.^^^ If I felt my FWH was a bad person there is no way in hell I would have reconciled with him. If you feel that your WS is a bad person, than you need to divorce immediately, imo.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 5:01 PM, May 16th (Thursday)]

sisoon posted 5/17/2019 13:30 PM

I agree - I see my W as a human being who did something awful and who is redeeming herself. If I saw her as a bad person, I would not have chosen R.

At the same time, honey, they always affair down. I don't think much of ow, but she affaired down with my W.... That's a sobering thought.

fareast posted 5/17/2019 14:01 PM

I echo Familyman75. If I thought my fWW was not a good person I would never have attempted R.

Sadismynewname posted 5/17/2019 17:08 PM

Oh my gosh I read the Esther Perel quote. If it is true than I was the one invested in our 36 years marriage and he is in himself. How the world do I stay in this marriage then? That is a scary thought!

[This message edited by Sadismynewname at 10:20 PM, May 17th (Friday)]

AbandonedGuy posted 5/17/2019 17:57 PM

My ex is more of a sad, pathetic person with garbage coping skills. Not "good", but that's so subjective. But...I am hard pressed to think of what "good" she's ever done for anyone but herself.

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