I just dont know anymore- Vent, numb, angry (moved to General)
This Topic has been moved to General
0 comment posted: Tuesday, January 11th, 2022
Backslide... warning too much information
Been awhile since I posted.
I'm a madhatter in reconciliation since 2019. My spouse had a 6 month long affair with his coworker right after I gave birth to my 2nd and I was experiencing postpartum. I had a revenge affair to " show him" he couldn't just get away with it and to show myself I could leave him. He became extremely remorseful and we stayed together and worked on it each since.
A couple weeks ago my affair partner messaged me out of the blue and I answered. I knew his intention was to see if I would sleep with him again but for those few minutes I felt flattered that after years I was even passingly on his mind and I entertained I for a moment. I felt guilty almost instantly but at the same time felt good if that makes sense. Almost instantly my husband started questioning me on whether I was talking to him (which is insane because I don't think I even had a moment to behave any differently.) I answered his questions honestly and held nothing back - and felt angry while doing so. It wasn't easy but I put on my big girl pants and did it. Why couldn't he have done this? For so many questions back then his answers were "I don't remember. Really that's not how my brain works." And that was it I had to accept it because it was all he was capable of. Even our counselor repeatedly agreed it was all he could do. As an aside, I am now positive he has some type of monitoring on my phone unbeknownst to me even though he swears he doesn't. I may be wrong but I don't believe in coincidence.
Now to last night, we had sex. Sex is great, until it's not. He doesn't come inside me. I've literally asked him for a vasectomy for years because I needed to get off birth control and he refuses. Finally after my last baby was born last year I said no more sex until he got a vasectomy. He just seduced me and stopped coming inside me. It feels,distant and incomplete- a lot of cleanup and separation instead of cuddling but I guess I just got used to it until recently when I was triggered. He pulls out to come on me and it just feels so dirty, incomplete and impersonal now- like this is what you do with an affair partner not your wife. He's really just ok never coming inside again, really? I thought sex was all about losing yourself and if he's always in control enough to remember to pull out then is he not emotionally involved? I mentioned this to him and he says it's not like that, it's not an affair partner thing to come on someone, he used to come inside her (as if that was to dispute my point.) Well that was interesting and terrible. He never "remembered " or said that before. He then said it was OK because she told him he could and that she couldn't get pregnant. Wow what lovely detail you can recall years later that you couldn't back then. It doesn't change where we are now but I just feel off and disgruntled today, bothered. I dont believe him when he says how much he loves me, and I turn him on and how everything with me is soo much better blah blah blah. I'm sure it is to some minor degree but I believe any body would do for him.
48 comments posted: Wednesday, November 3rd, 2021
Question-what would you do?
Just started letting terrible mother in law back in to spend time with my 6 and 4 year old this past February. Its been going well. Little by little I've given them more berth to have their own relationship without me watching them all the time. They must stay at my home, she cannot take them on walks etc. She comes as much as she likes along as she asks in advance. It's been 2-3 times a week for a few hours each time. Mild irritations like she makes a huge mess with them in the playroom and leaves it like that, or she just leaves the front door wide open letting bugs in and ac out for 5 minutes at a time as she goes in and out, or she spills paint or juice and does tell us and doesn't clean it up- have all been gently addressed.
Now today. The kids want to go swimming because she brought her bathing suit. I say yes and very sternly say to the kids and her that the pool robot is in. Do not touch it. Do not pull on cord, do not play with it. Mind you, my husband and I go swimming with the kids and the robot in all the time and there has not once been a problem other than me reminding the kids not to step on robot. Today I put the baby to sleep and go to check on them and I see the control panel in the pool. Its like dropping your laptop in water. Im furious, and she just says, oh the kids knocked it in a few times and that's it. No I'm sorry, no I should've watched them better around it, no if it's broken ill take care of it - nothing. Its the same level of conversation as if she was talking about something on tv. The unit is running currently but it says everywhere not to get control panel wet so I figure it's only a matter of time. I want to tell her if it breaks I expect her to pay for it,my husband doesn't want to say anything unless it breaks. But I feel like her response will be "it was working when I left. And your kids did it not me."
One of the reasons for our initial fallout was money. Her husband, who we don't speak to at all, owed us a significant amount of money - 10000- that he "gifted" to us for our wedding but never paid. By the way they have money. It's just about power for them.
Robot costs roughly 1000 plus tax.
[This message edited by Amilliondreams at 5:24 PM, June 24th (Thursday)]
3 comments posted: Thursday, June 24th, 2021