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Living together and Self-Love

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stark1984 posted 4/19/2019 13:33 PM

@annanew -- From what I've been told, my gf has dated a number of men, with only one or two even having met her son. The rest never got the chance to meet her son. I don't know if it's because they weren't interested in meeting her son; she was trying to protect her son from getting attached; or they were just long-term hookups to fill a void. From what I know, she's the type of girl who likes to date a man for weeks or months, just to see if anything is there. I'm the exact opposite. If there isn't some kind of near-instant attraction that makes me want to spend more time with a girl, I move on. It's pointless to date a person for weeks, months, years...just to see if an attraction can build, or to see if there's anything in common, etc. You're either attracted to the person, or you're not.

It's MUCH more likely that the neediness is coming from some other source... like maybe that his mom just moved in with someone she's known less than a year? And that she may have had several boyfriends before this that were in his life that now are not?

I suspect that this neediness might be coming from my girlfriend, in that she just wants her son to have a father/father-figure in his life, beyond his grandfather. From what she's told me, the last time she lived with a guy was 8 years ago, when her son was around 1 or so. And that only lasted for a few months before he allegedly started cheating/micro-cheating on her.

@Cooley2here --

You keep setting yourself up for relationships that do not work. It might look from the outside, because you were cheated on, that it is the other person‘s fault. Perhaps no one is at fault. Perhaps the relationship never got off the ground because expectations and reality clashed. You need to work on yourself, not because you are a bad guy, but because you keep setting yourself up for these kinds of relationships.

That's what I can't figure out! I told myself, a little over two years ago, post-divorce that I was done being the "Knight in Shining Armor" type, or "Captain Save-a-Hoe," as my gf coins the phrase. I did some soul searching, self reflection, self discovery, etc...and I still can't figure out why I attract certain types of girls. Primarily, the type that seem to ONLY be happy if they're in a relationship with someone.

Also, I've come to terms that my past relationships didn't work out because they just didn't work out. It wasn't necessarily anyone's fault...they just weren't who I was suppose to end up with.

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