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Long Term Affairs Part 39

Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25

nofun posted 12/11/2019 15:51 PM

Purple haze, I am in my 60s not 40s. We just retired and had all these plans. I am going to try to get my finances in order and see an attorney. Iíll probably end up in a soup kitchen. Ughh.
I will get through this.
Thanks for everyoneís kind words.

WhyAgainWhyHer posted 12/12/2019 11:04 AM

I'll join you in the soup kitchen.

steph posted 12/14/2019 13:25 PM

Just catching up with posts. Sorry we are all here.

WhyAgainWhyHer posted 12/18/2019 10:44 AM

I can't stop wondering what he is getting her for christmas.

Marlita posted 12/18/2019 21:36 PM

I WAS a devoted girlfriend, then was fooled into becoming his wife.e for 11 years, in total.
Dated for 3 years, married for almost 7 now.
UNTIL I discovered heíd been with someone else for 14 years!
I canít relate to that type of betrayal, but can to the wife who was 150% devoted & faithful.
Still married, but just settling.
Marriage is different now, but Iíve grown stronger.
Still need support though.

WhyAgainWhyHer posted 12/19/2019 08:48 AM

Marlita, so sorry you're here.

So he was with her the entire time you dated and married? Is it an active affair still? How did you find out?

Tallgirl posted 12/28/2019 21:22 PM

My husband cheated for 10 years in various ways. His grand finale was a 5 year affair - he thought he was in love.

It has been 19 months and it feels so fresh, so raw. I am changed. I am lost.

How do you reconcile the betrayal and lies with the man in front of you who wants to reconcile? How Can you think about stepping into the future with the one person on this earth who has has hurt you more than anyone in the world? Why canít you bear to end it when the love you once had is only a memory?

I want to think of myself as a strong person. But I havenít been able to make that final decision.

My head says let it go. 10 years of turning away from you, of loving others, of not picking or fighting for you. Donít be stupid.

hope says. What if......

deephurt posted 12/29/2019 11:34 AM

Tall girl-donít rush yourself into any decisions. Donít seat not making decisions either. We take as long as we need. If it takes you five years to decide itís a deal breaker-itís okay. If it takes a day, thatís okay also. We need as much time as we need.

Nofun-I would definitely be speaking to an attorney and if he is be getting a shark if a lawyer at that. To hell with him. If he can see the pain he caused you before and do it again? You deserve so much better.

I hope you all had a great Christmas in spite of our situations.

It will be nice to see the back of this decade. I would say heat but in this thread itís the decade for most of us and more for a lot. Hopefully the 2020ís will bring clarity, peace, happiness, joy, good health and faithfulness. Hereís to owning the 2020ís for ourselves.

Throwaway999 posted 12/30/2019 11:15 AM

Short background I recently (2 months ago) confirmed my WS long term affair. Since DDay itís been weekly finding of trickle truths...and each time it hurts more and more. He says he has told me everything now. I know I will never know for sure if he had other affairs. He says no. In my mind I want to know details....I ask and I get silence, I donít know or I donít remember. His affair was years ago but I just found out now.

I have all of the AP contact information and also know of 1 outside person he shared the truth of the affair with. Please talk me out of contacting them to confirm his story, I know I shouldnít but part of me wants to believe he is finally being truthful and I know they both have the answers.

WhyAgainWhyHer posted 12/30/2019 15:59 PM

So sorry you are here.

has the affair truly ended? How long was the affair?

WIll they tell you the truth?

One thing I regret is reaching out to his AP the first time around. She completely ignored my messages,and I feel like an idiot for having sent them. She also recently liked a post of mine on social media, then convinced my WS that I made it all up.

Marlita posted 12/30/2019 22:14 PM

WhyAgainWhyHer,
Thank you.
Yes; he was with her from the very beginning...before our beginning!
The trust is destroyed, so who knows if heís still with her or not.
I donít believe a word he says, but the weird thing is that I donít really care.
He knows that heís lost the best of me.
I can never come back from that and am pretty much just biding my time.
That alone is killing him.
From being 150% devoted... he made the choice of throwing it away,
Now, we have moved to our beach house, and I donít have to work!
For now, Iím just playing along.
I no longer ask him him if I can do things, I just do it.
How did I find out?
I told him I was going to go out for a minute & came back into the house & saw her name on his phone calling him.
I lost it!
He admitted everything....if he actually really did, Iíll never know.
Honestly, the man who I thought I married has died to me.
I really mourned about it.
There are ZERO physical memories left.
Iíve destroyed them all!
Iíve definitely become very distant & have cut him out of many parts of my life....i.e social media, removed all photos from my page, threw away any triggers to what we had.
Heís suffering because I included him in everything.
Now...Iím very selective in what I share.
Iím still am & have since been faithful.
Karma will get him!

Tallgirl posted 12/31/2019 08:49 AM

Marlita, I am so sorry.

I will never understand an LTA

It kind of sounds like your WH is upset for not being included rather than remorse for the A.

Does he understand what he has done and how it is a life crusher to you?

Hugs

deephurt posted 12/31/2019 09:06 AM

Marita. Sorry you are here. Unfortunately we all know how you are feeling.

I agree that it sounds like he isnít remorseful and just upset he was caught and has destroyed his m. Now he canít have his cake and eat it too.

If you can trust this other person who knew, personally I would ask. And then after getting the info I would want to know why they didnít tell you. I wanted to know every detail and I was lied to about the whole thing when I first found out. By both my wh and the ap-who I knew.-for years.

The a didnít continue but the lies did. I had to uncover the truth myself.

Is it over now? Did your wh go nc?

Of course if you are biding time and not interested in r, implementing the 180 is your best course of action. Iím glad you are taking control of your life.

WhyAgainWhyHer posted 1/2/2020 15:08 PM

I don't think LTA's ever end, personally.

We had a huge fight NYE. I told him I know he's still cheating. He basically told me I could believe whatever I wanted, and walked off. We haven;t spoken since. He's avoiding me.

God, I wish I could get his phone again!

Tallgirl posted 1/2/2020 15:19 PM

Why,
I think most LTA's do end, I think we just don't know when that happens or when will it. (same as the start of them). And who knows what is true anymore?

I do know that M's can end any time you chose.

LTA's scar the BSs (maybe some WSs). The longer they go on, the deeper the scar.

big hugs

ShatteredSakura posted 1/2/2020 15:57 PM

God, I wish I could get his phone again!

It doesn't matter anymore since she left, but the 1 or 2 months before I lost interest in looking. I don't think I would've seen anything new anyways. I'm glad I had lost interest, because obsessively looking and her not changing/caring really was painful.

Tallgirl posted 1/2/2020 16:33 PM

I am an obsessive thinker about his cheating. Wish I could stop but it is harder done.

Anyone here on meds to tone down the mental merry go round?

ShatteredSakura posted 1/2/2020 22:07 PM

Oh that part of me hasn't changed, I still think about it a lot. Mostly how much I miss the person I love, not so much the cheating or the woman she's become or revealed she's always been (or whatever). It hits the hardest when I have a free moment where my mind wonders. I probably could stand to use some drugs lol, but I don't take anything.

I got out of the habit of snooping/phone checking/etc I think because I started doing other things to occupy my mind.

WhyAgainWhyHer posted 1/3/2020 09:10 AM

If I'm not thinking about him cheating, I am wondering about her. Unfortunately, her social media is locked down and I can't see anything. I need to do something to get off this roller coaster.

ShatteredSakura posted 1/3/2020 10:16 AM

I only know his Facebook and it's mostly set to friends only. But I blocked him nonetheless...and I unfriended a few of WW's friends because his ugly mug would occasionally show up on my time line because of group photos that had him. It's not like I'm going to have anything to do with those people in the future now anyways.

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